Differing veiws on marriage

[alesitag]

I think the main thing you have to address here when you talk to him is, why doesn't he want to get married?

When I started dating my ex he said he wanted to marry me... then as the years went by, he started saying he didn't want to get married... after listening the same statement a few times I asked him why, he said it was just the fact that he never saw too many happy, stable married couples and started listing:

-Grandma on his dad side was a single mother.
-Grandparents on him mom side were married for many years, but his grandpa was an alcoholic (he eventually died from cirrhosis and cancer) and his grandma was submissive to him, never tried to stop him from drinking because "men rule in and outside home".
-His dad left when he was 13 (he's 29 now) to work in the USA so he could provide for them... never came back and never sent any money. His mom divorced just two years ago.
-On his mom side, one of his aunts divorced his husband because he cheated on her for more than 20 years, one got separated for a few years end then got back with her husband, the other died from kidney failure, but she managed to push away her husband during the last year or two until he found someone else right before she passed away. One of his uncles divorced because he's an alcoholic as well and the other one is an immature "playboy", he got a woman pregnant just because he wanted a son, but he never loved her and he dumped her a few months after the baby was born... because he still wanted to be single.
-One of his cousins filed for divorce after 10 years of being married and having two girls because her husband cheated on her.

And there were many more stories like those... he was afraid to fail on it just like most of his family.

Talk to him and try to see where he's coming from... that should help you both to get to an agreement.

[Zapookie]

When my SO and I had just gotten together (we had known each other for a year already but we hadn't met yet), we spoke briefly about the topic of marriage and what it means in society. He told me that he wasn't sure if he ever wanted to get married because most people get married for the wrong reasons and when they don't love each other, so what was the point, he thought. When I heard this it made me a little uneasy because I had always wanted to get married to the man I love and have children.

As time went on though, I thought to myself, "well you know if he never wants to get married, I can deal with that. As long as we're together, that's all that matters,". When we finally met in person he told me that I'd changed his mind on the topic and he hoped that we would get married someday.

I guess if he never wants to get married, you have to ask yourself if that is something you can live with. You never know, he might just change his mind like my SO did.

[Slats]

I really think it's important not to rely on a marriage for a relationship to progress. I personally just see marriage as putting a relationship on paper, which makes some juridical stuff simpler. I think the both of you should go through the why/why nots, and think it through properly. I don't think it should be a dealbreaker in a relationship, but I also live in a country where marriage is completely unnecessary.