How do you know when somebody TRULY cares?

[Eric1221]

I've been doing a lot of thinking about how you can tell that somebody truly CARES about you.. whether you're in a long distance relationship or a close distance relationship - When did you realize that this person wasn't trying to sex you and really CARED about you? What do you believe are certain red flags to look out for? What do you believe are good things to look out for? Any thoughts is appreciate

[Softy]

That's an easy one sweetheart!

You know when he/she cares when:

You are sad, hes/shes there to comfort you.
When you are sick, hes/shes there to make you feel better.
If you are going through a rough time, hes/shes there to support you.
hes/shes wont bring you down.
hes/shes will want to sit down, talk and solve problems with you because hes/shes knows its worth it.
hes/shes makes times for you.

[dglynn77]

The song "That's How You Know" from Enchanted is coming to mind

[megfashion]

theyd do the extremes for you.

i dont mean the whole "id die for you" thing... but for example, if you were upset, theyd be an ear and listen to you going on and on about it, passing no judgment
also if you were upset and you needed them to be around, theyd come out and see you, even if it was close to midnight and they had a train to catch at 6am...

[Softy]

' A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way'

This : )

[Eric1221]

That's an easy one sweetheart!

You know when he/she cares when:

You are sad, hes/shes there to comfort you.
When you are sick, hes/shes there to make you feel better.
If you are going through a rough time, hes/shes there to support you.
hes/shes wont bring you down.
hes/shes will want to sit down, talk and solve problems with you because hes/shes knows its worth it.
hes/shes makes times for you.

awww this is true. Do you feel that some people could do all that stuff & still be using you in some way shape or form?

---------- Post added at 09:22 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 AM ----------

Yeah honestly that seems like something that somebody who only cared would do

[Safiyah]

I'd say that the person wants to make it work, and does his/her best to make it work. Like the others said, that he/she is there for you when you need them. They would never hurt you or insult you deliberately. Being with them gives you a good feeling. You feel better about yourself because of them. They respect your opinion on things, and would never try to change you or push you to be someone else. The obvious, they stay loyal to you, and don't flirt with others if they know that would hurt you. They apologise when they do something wrong and don't endlessly search for excuses to justify their behavior. They don't make you feel like you are lucky to be with them. They don't shout at you or use swear words for no reason. Of course, no one is perfect, but the most important thing is that they respect you and appreciate you.

Hope that helps x

[Softy]

awww this is true. Do you feel that some people could do all that stuff & still be using you in some way shape or form?

---------- Post added at 09:22 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:22 AM ----------

Yeah honestly that seems like something that somebody who only cared would do

Nope.
Because someone who is using you doesn't have time neither wants to do all this for you.

[Haley53]

Yes, I believe you can do all of those things and still not care for someone. Granted you might do it in your own time, but one extreme example of this is that abusive people are some of the most charming. There are people who go through high-low cycles in their relationship, where their partner cares, but only some of the time or with conditions. It might be unlikelier that someone takes the time to put such effort into a relationship if they don't care, but it can and does happen.

For me, I think you know when someone truly cares because you feel it, not because you want to feel it, not because you want to believe their actions are real because your gut is telling you something else. For example, comparing my current relationship to one in the past. I know, without a doubt, my SO cares a very great deal about me, and I know that he's incredibly sincere. In the past relationship, I knew "deep down" he must have "really, truly" cared, but it was something I had to keep confirming to myself and others and also something to counteract the twisted feeling in my gut that he didn't. I think when someone truly cares, you simply feel it. You feel it even in the way you disagree. You feel it in the way they touch you or look at you, or the way that they use words to describe what they're saying. You don't have doubts. You look inside yourself, and you know.

I also agree and disagree with lademoiselle. I agree in the sense that that's true for most cases, but I also know people who have broken up the week they lost their virginities after being together for a year. Length of time isn't always a determinant. The reliable determinant, for me, is how pushy someone is, is not only what someone says, but their actions. When caught up in a moment of kissing or heavy petting, do they still respect your desire for patience/to go slow? Do they stop when you tell them to as opposed to trying to convince you otherwise? Do they put emphasis on sex, more than on intimacy? And so on.

[Eric1221]

Yes, I believe you can do all of those things and still not care for someone. Granted you might do it in your own time, but one extreme example of this is that abusive people are some of the most charming. There are people who go through high-low cycles in their relationship, where their partner cares, but only some of the time or with conditions. It might be unlikelier that someone takes the time to put such effort into a relationship if they don't care, but it can and does happen.

For me, I think you know when someone truly cares because you feel it, not because you want to feel it, not because you want to believe their actions are real because your gut is telling you something else. For example, comparing my current relationship to one in the past. I know, without a doubt, my SO cares a very great deal about me, and I know that he's incredibly sincere. In the past relationship, I knew "deep down" he must have "really, truly" cared, but it was something I had to keep confirming to myself and others and also something to counteract the twisted feeling in my gut that he didn't. I think when someone truly cares, you simply feel it. You feel it even in the way you disagree. You feel it in the way they touch you or look at you, or the way that they use words to describe what they're saying. You don't have doubts. You look inside yourself, and you know.

I also agree and disagree with lademoiselle. I agree in the sense that that's true for most cases, but I also know people who have broken up the week they lost their virginities after being together for a year. Length of time isn't always a determinant. The reliable determinant, for me, is how pushy someone is, is not only what someone says, but their actions. When caught up in a moment of kissing or heavy petting, do they still respect your desire for patience/to go slow? Do they stop when you tell them to as opposed to trying to convince you otherwise? Do they put emphasis on sex, more than on intimacy? And so on.

I really liked what you wrote ! It's the truth ! I'm so curious about all these things because my parents had a big talk with me about how people can use you and you must go slow when talking to somebody or getting intimate too quick and stuff. So I was very curious to know how you can really know. Thank you for your comment !

[Haley53]

I really liked what you wrote ! It's the truth ! I'm so curious about all these things because my parents had a big talk with me about how people can use you and you must go slow when talking to somebody or getting intimate too quick and stuff. So I was very curious to know how you can really know. Thank you for your comment !

I do feel you have to be somewhat "wary" and I do feel you have to build a relationship. For example, knowing someone a month and deciding you're both interested and wanting to date? Sure, fine, give it a shot. But I would give the relationship time to develop and evolve. Be natural about it - every relationship moves at its own pace - but give it time to develop. But once you have built up a relationship, then I think that unless you're not being entirely honest with yourself, you'll know one way or the other, simply based on your emotional reactions and responses to that person.

[lala]

I know that my SO cares about me cause he texts me through the day and asks how I am... I feel it in his touch.. he wants me to have fun when I'm with him.. if I'm hungry he would go miles to get me somethin...he respects me and my decisions..when we were in bed and made out I told him that I want to wait and he was totally fine with that and told me to take enough time.. and when I was ready he told me that he still would like to wait to make sure that I'm sure lol now we are waiting a year!
I think you feel when someone cares about you and who use you.. If you are not sure, wait and see his/her actions..cause you don't show a person with words that you care but with your behaviour.

[kiara_silver]

You just know, but I think it's the little things that show they care. Yes the romancing, and the gifts are nice and show you have there attention. But the feeling and knowing they accept you flaws and all. When they see you makeup less, messy face bad breath in the morning, and lean in for that kiss. Or when we wipe the sleep from your eyes or pick something out of your teeth. When they have a slight ache and you instantly rub that area because the thought of them in discomfort instantly makes you want to help make them feel better. Paying attention to the little things. Or putting there family, or wants/needs that you don't like or want to do first because thats what they need.
When you know that no matter what, and if your at your worst, cranky horrible selves you can vent scream and yell and they'll still put up with you lol, cause being without each other is a impossible thought.

[Hololz]

Ok, this is going to make me sound like a massive bitch, but... The first time I really realised how much my SO cared about me was before we even got together properly. We were both at the same party and I got massivley drunk. There was an old flame at the same party, and we ended up making out... Needless to say my SO was pretty heartbroken, ran off and refused to talk to me for a while (even though we were not together at the time, stuff had happened between us). Once I sobered up, I realised how much of an idiot I had been to get back with old flame (who really didnt care about me) and not with my current SO. I still remember his face when he saw us and my heart sinks I was a real bitch and really didnt deserve a second chance from him, but he eventually gave me one I'm a very very lucky girl.

When we first got together, he wasnt pushy with me at all. He let me set the pace of the relationship. The way he touches and talks to me really tells me how much he cares about me. The sweet romantic things he does and says.

How do I know the old flame didnt care about me and just wanted sex: he didnt understand the word no. He was extremely pushy when it came to sex and sexual things.

[Minerva]

Agree with Eclaire. It's something you can feel and have no doubts about. You feel secure.

Love shouldn't be selfish (though of course everyone can be selfish sometimes). When someone cares about you, they want to see you happy and want to be a part of that. Someone who truly cares and loves you wants the best for you. Someone who cares will not push their needs above your comfort. They will respect your boundaries, they will not try to manipulate you, and they will make you feel better for knowing them. I don't believe people should become so co-dependent that they need an SO to feel good about themselves, but I do believe the right person can help lift you in ways you didn't know were possible.

For me, I know my SO cares because he proves it day in and day out, even when he's in a bad mood, even when he's had a bad day. We've known each other for years, and he's yet to fail me. He's human, and I know he's not perfect, but he's never hurt me and he always supports me. This sort of respect takes a lot of energy if you don't care about someone, and I think if he didn't care, I'd have seen the cracks long before now.

The best example I can give is this: I have issues with sexuality. He is a very sexual person. However he has NEVER pressured me to do anything, and takes great care to respect my limitations. He's never played guilt trips on me and he is always kind and compassionate. I feel comfortable and at ease with him, because there is zero sense that he's just trying to get into my pants. I feel like he places his love and care for me above his needs.

As I said above, it takes a lot of energy to pretend to care, and I don't think most people can keep it up for long or every moment of the day. And I think deep down, you can sense the cracks even if you don't want to admit it. Listen to your gut.