How do you know when somebody TRULY cares?

[marbear31]

Awww kiara_silver, I love the way you put it! (P.S. Your bf seems like one of the sweetest men from what I've read of your posts ^_^) I agree taht it's something you know deep down more than you analyze, but I think the greatest indication of caring is when you can put someone else before yourself. I know that seems pretty simple, but if that basic instinct is there, all actions derived from it will be caring for their own sake.

From personal experience, I try to be as caring as possible, to those I love especially, but I believe everyone deserves basic human respect. So, being caring isn't about acting with expectations (like Eclaire said), it's about acting without them. My SO is literally the most caring man I've ever met, and not just intimacy-wise. I see it with absolutely everyone he meets. He's the type of guy that holds doors open for women automatically, that respects his mother and sisters and will do anything for his family, that always puts others before himself, that is generous beyond measure. With me--I can honestly say he constantly blows me away by how much he cares. It's definitely in the little things--the way he shields me before we cross the street, the way he has to be constantly touching me, the way he always makes sure I get enough sleep, the way he's completely honest about everything in his life, even the difficult subjects...I could go on and on. One of the things I was initially wary about in long distance is how we would show each other we "cared" with the loss of immediacy. But I think the distance, with its sole reliance on trust and communication, has made us show we care more. We also don't take things for granted. Each email, each call, is precious, because we can't immediately prove our love in the same space. It's about the connection of the soul and the heart, and when you can express that without tangibility, that's when you know you care. You know by the look in their eyes, the way their voice changes with you, by that special smile that's just for you. You know in the deepest part of yourself.

[Eric1221]

I know that my SO cares about me cause he texts me through the day and asks how I am... I feel it in his touch.. he wants me to have fun when I'm with him.. if I'm hungry he would go miles to get me somethin...he respects me and my decisions..when we were in bed and made out I told him that I want to wait and he was totally fine with that and told me to take enough time.. and when I was ready he told me that he still would like to wait to make sure that I'm sure lol now we are waiting a year!
I think you feel when someone cares about you and who use you.. If you are not sure, wait and see his/her actions..cause you don't show a person with words that you care but with your behaviour.

Awww thats so cute that even after u said it's ok he decided to wait longer. That definitely shows he cares I'm happy to hear that !

---------- Post added at 09:29 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:28 AM ----------

You just know, but I think it's the little things that show they care. Yes the romancing, and the gifts are nice and show you have there attention. But the feeling and knowing they accept you flaws and all. When they see you makeup less, messy face bad breath in the morning, and lean in for that kiss. Or when we wipe the sleep from your eyes or pick something out of your teeth. When they have a slight ache and you instantly rub that area because the thought of them in discomfort instantly makes you want to help make them feel better. Paying attention to the little things. Or putting there family, or wants/needs that you don't like or want to do first because thats what they need.
When you know that no matter what, and if your at your worst, cranky horrible selves you can vent scream and yell and they'll still put up with you lol, cause being without each other is a impossible thought.

I agree with the other person that I ABSOLUTELY LOVE WAT U WROTE. I think that definitely is what sets apart people who don't care about you & the ppl who do. If they were only looking for that one thing or using you why would they waste their time doing all those things? It would not make sense! loved wat u wrote !

---------- Post added at 09:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:29 AM ----------

Ok, this is going to make me sound like a massive bitch, but... The first time I really realised how much my SO cared about me was before we even got together properly. We were both at the same party and I got massivley drunk. There was an old flame at the same party, and we ended up making out... Needless to say my SO was pretty heartbroken, ran off and refused to talk to me for a while (even though we were not together at the time, stuff had happened between us). Once I sobered up, I realised how much of an idiot I had been to get back with old flame (who really didnt care about me) and not with my current SO. I still remember his face when he saw us and my heart sinks I was a real bitch and really didnt deserve a second chance from him, but he eventually gave me one I'm a very very lucky girl.

When we first got together, he wasnt pushy with me at all. He let me set the pace of the relationship. The way he touches and talks to me really tells me how much he cares about me. The sweet romantic things he does and says.

How do I know the old flame didnt care about me and just wanted sex: he didnt understand the word no. He was extremely pushy when it came to sex and sexual things.

Aww I'm very happy 4 u that things worked out between u guys. People make mistakes & I'm glad he gave u a second chance seems like ur very happy . & ur definitely right about the word no wen it comes to sex. Some people just don't kno wen to stop & want to get it going without stopping. I'm glad everything worked out !

---------- Post added at 09:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:31 AM ----------

Agree with Eclaire. It's something you can feel and have no doubts about. You feel secure.

Love shouldn't be selfish (though of course everyone can be selfish sometimes). When someone cares about you, they want to see you happy and want to be a part of that. Someone who truly cares and loves you wants the best for you. Someone who cares will not push their needs above your comfort. They will respect your boundaries, they will not try to manipulate you, and they will make you feel better for knowing them. I don't believe people should become so co-dependent that they need an SO to feel good about themselves, but I do believe the right person can help lift you in ways you didn't know were possible.

For me, I know my SO cares because he proves it day in and day out, even when he's in a bad mood, even when he's had a bad day. We've known each other for years, and he's yet to fail me. He's human, and I know he's not perfect, but he's never hurt me and he always supports me. This sort of respect takes a lot of energy if you don't care about someone, and I think if he didn't care, I'd have seen the cracks long before now.

The best example I can give is this: I have issues with sexuality. He is a very sexual person. However he has NEVER pressured me to do anything, and takes great care to respect my limitations. He's never played guilt trips on me and he is always kind and compassionate. I feel comfortable and at ease with him, because there is zero sense that he's just trying to get into my pants. I feel like he places his love and care for me above his needs.

As I said above, it takes a lot of energy to pretend to care, and I don't think most people can keep it up for long or every moment of the day. And I think deep down, you can sense the cracks even if you don't want to admit it. Listen to your gut.

I love wat u wrote too. It's the truth. We are not perfect & we need to accept each other for our imperfections & see the beauty within the person in our lives & not take em for granted. & ur rite listening to ur gut is the best option it's 90 percent of the time correct. Especially in my life my gut always has been right about the people i chose to involve myself with. I'm so happy for u that ur SO puts u above anything else. That's a beautiful thing !

---------- Post added at 09:37 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:33 AM ----------

Awww kiara_silver, I love the way you put it! (P.S. Your bf seems like one of the sweetest men from what I've read of your posts ^_^) I agree taht it's something you know deep down more than you analyze, but I think the greatest indication of caring is when you can put someone else before yourself. I know that seems pretty simple, but if that basic instinct is there, all actions derived from it will be caring for their own sake.

From personal experience, I try to be as caring as possible, to those I love especially, but I believe everyone deserves basic human respect. So, being caring isn't about acting with expectations (like Eclaire said), it's about acting without them. My SO is literally the most caring man I've ever met, and not just intimacy-wise. I see it with absolutely everyone he meets. He's the type of guy that holds doors open for women automatically, that respects his mother and sisters and will do anything for his family, that always puts others before himself, that is generous beyond measure. With me--I can honestly say he constantly blows me away by how much he cares. It's definitely in the little things--the way he shields me before we cross the street, the way he has to be constantly touching me, the way he always makes sure I get enough sleep, the way he's completely honest about everything in his life, even the difficult subjects...I could go on and on. One of the things I was initially wary about in long distance is how we would show each other we "cared" with the loss of immediacy. But I think the distance, with its sole reliance on trust and communication, has made us show we care more. We also don't take things for granted. Each email, each call, is precious, because we can't immediately prove our love in the same space. It's about the connection of the soul and the heart, and when you can express that without tangibility, that's when you know you care. You know by the look in their eyes, the way their voice changes with you, by that special smile that's just for you. You know in the deepest part of yourself.

Awwwwww I loved your comment too !! I'm so happy for you as well! You're SO seems like an amazing guy! You definitely are both very lucky & blessed ! I agree with a lot of ya points & really feel them. Reading all the things you've written excites me to find that in somebody else. I'm talking to somebody right now & he does a lot of little nice things that I feel are above all else so meaningful so reading what you are writing about your SO makes me excited to get to know the guy I'm speaking to. & I'm happy that the long distance is building more of a foundation onto your relationship. Keep it going & I wish you the best of luck !

[Dziubka]

I don't think there's any definite signs that show that someone truly cares (or doesn't). Some people are naturally charming or damn good actors and can make others believe the wildest things, others are bad at showing their feelings and while they might truly care, the might not be able to communicate that very well. The only thing you can do is rely on you intution and take it slowly when you have any doubts whatsoever. Listen to yourself, your head and your heart. If something seems weird, wrong or suspicious, there's a big chance it probably is.

I don't think it's neccessary to 'truly care' from day one. If a guy, within a week of knowing me, told me that he loved me and couldn't live without me, that would make me suspicious. I wouldn't expect a guy I had been on a few dates with to listen to my sorrows or bring me hot soup and tea to my bed if I was ill. It should develop naturally with the relationship. If after a year of being together my boyfriend still wouldn't tell me that he loves me or didn't want to listen to my problems, ... he wouldn't be my boyfriend much longer.

[Yaaamiii]

You just know, but I think it's the little things that show they care.

Totally agree. Of course I agree that the bigger things show they care as well. You know, staying up late to talk, being there when you're down, etc. All those things are important but I think that what's most important are the little things. I just got back today from a visit with my SO, and to spend our last night together, we ate Chipotle and watched Lady and the Tramp. We ate kinda late though, at like 11pm, and my stomach gets really upset if I eat late at night. I can't even lay down or sleep. We got back to his room at like 12:30, and we were both exhausted. But it was still too soon after eating so I had to stay sitting up. But my SO knew how tired I was, so he sat up next to me in bed, put two pillows in between our heads, and made it so that we were leaning against each other. It's hard to explain, but it was the sweetest thing ever. To me, it seemed so sweet that he cared about something that seemed silly, to put pillows in between us so we could fall asleep while sitting up. It's hard to explain and I know this explanation probably doesn't make much sense, but it's all in the little things I feel. When he does things like that, I know he cares. Also, this morning, before leaving, he gave me two boxes of granola bars (that I love) because he didn't want me to be hungry on the trip home or when I'm in my room at night. I told him not to be silly and to keep the boxes, but he begged me to have them in case I got hungry later on.

He's also very patient and respectful. If I ask him to stop something, I trust him to know that he is going to stop out of respect towards me.

[Eric1221]

I don't think there's any definite signs that show that someone truly cares (or doesn't). Some people are naturally charming or damn good actors and can make others believe the wildest things, others are bad at showing their feelings and while they might truly care, the might not be able to communicate that very well. The only thing you can do is rely on you intution and take it slowly when you have any doubts whatsoever. Listen to yourself, your head and your heart. If something seems weird, wrong or suspicious, there's a big chance it probably is.

I don't think it's neccessary to 'truly care' from day one. If a guy, within a week of knowing me, told me that he loved me and couldn't live without me, that would make me suspicious. I wouldn't expect a guy I had been on a few dates with to listen to my sorrows or bring me hot soup and tea to my bed if I was ill. It should develop naturally with the relationship. If after a year of being together my boyfriend still wouldn't tell me that he loves me or didn't want to listen to my problems, ... he wouldn't be my boyfriend much longer.

You brought up a lot of good points. It's very hard to tell with some people because some people truly are good actors but some people do care and they don't show it very well ! What a world we live in lol. & yeah your right a guy who you've known for a short time you shouldn't expect too much from him.. gotta take it slow.

---------- Post added at 12:29 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:27 PM ----------

Totally agree. Of course I agree that the bigger things show they care as well. You know, staying up late to talk, being there when you're down, etc. All those things are important but I think that what's most important are the little things. I just got back today from a visit with my SO, and to spend our last night together, we ate Chipotle and watched Lady and the Tramp. We ate kinda late though, at like 11pm, and my stomach gets really upset if I eat late at night. I can't even lay down or sleep. We got back to his room at like 12:30, and we were both exhausted. But it was still too soon after eating so I had to stay sitting up. But my SO knew how tired I was, so he sat up next to me in bed, put two pillows in between our heads, and made it so that we were leaning against each other. It's hard to explain, but it was the sweetest thing ever. To me, it seemed so sweet that he cared about something that seemed silly, to put pillows in between us so we could fall asleep while sitting up. It's hard to explain and I know this explanation probably doesn't make much sense, but it's all in the little things I feel. When he does things like that, I know he cares. Also, this morning, before leaving, he gave me two boxes of granola bars (that I love) because he didn't want me to be hungry on the trip home or when I'm in my room at night. I told him not to be silly and to keep the boxes, but he begged me to have them in case I got hungry later on.

He's also very patient and respectful. If I ask him to stop something, I trust him to know that he is going to stop out of respect towards me.

Awwww that's so cute. It sounds like he truly does care about you if he cared enough to fix the pillows for you too and gave u food & wanted u to take it so bad so if u were hungry u had something 2 eat. Those little things seem like big things to me because they are little but they mean SOO much to you because you realize, "Wow...this person cares enough to do something like that." It's sucha good feeling when somebody does something like that for you. I'm happy for you !