Short story of my complication with LFAD

[Olenka_Memon]

I came across this site from an answer I saw on yahoo. I thought it could help me with my story here. I'll make it short!

I met my boyfriend in July 2011. We were so happy, and still are! He got in a motorcycle accident 2 months later. His moods changed. They changed a lot! He would get mad over such little things. For example, I didn't go on Skype because I was at dinner with family. He got very angry saying "Why can't you stay home for me?" When an hour before I went to dinner, he left to go be with some friends. He's lost his greedy side, thankfully. Today, he had told me, "you seem different. You changed." I have not changed at all. Everything can be perfectly fine until he decides to be in a bad mood. We still love eachother very much and we plan on meeting next year after studies. He even had a ring sent over here for me. He wants to marry me. Although, I'm afraid to go there. He lives in India. I live in America. My doctor is from India. She said I won't last a day. But my concern is, how do I help him with his moods? He had recognized that he had a problem and he worked to fix it. But still, the littlest things... he keeps going when I say stop. It isn't worth the arguing.
What should I do for him? I don't want him moody like this maybe three times a month!

[lucybelle]

How bad was the motorcycle accident? Was he badly hurt? Was someone else badly hurt? He could be experiencing post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was in a bad car accident and am certainly more emotional now than I was before. Perhaps some counseling could help?

Have you two ever met before? You should each visit each other to better know each other's culture. Go visit him for 2 months or so (not in the summer!) and see how you like it there. Don't go with a closed mind, be excited about getting to see a new country and new people. I think you two really need to meet each other before you plan on getting married.

[CynicalQuixotic]

Also, did he get properly checked out after the accident? Because the first thing I thought of when reading this was head injury.

[efish1042]

Apart from the accident, he comes from a different culture (assuming you didn't move to US from India). My mother has always warned me to really get to know anyone from a different culture before making any real decisions about them. Some cultures are more aggressive or male dominant or family oriented. It could be that he takes some things for granted as normal and when you don't meet those normals, it shakes him. You were only together for two months before the accident. It could be that this is just a side of him you hadn't recognized yet.
Also, maybe you have changed. It's hard to tell in yourself, especially in such a short time. We can look back several years and say "yes, I've matured", but a few months, almost a year is not usually enough time to notice a change in yourself unless the change was drastic.
Make sure you look at all sides of the situation and talk to him about this.

[Moon]

Also, did he get properly checked out after the accident? Because the first thing I thought of when reading this was head injury.

This. My ex-husband had three brain surgeries in 18 months because of a tumor. Brain trauma can change your personality drastically and permanently.

[Olenka_Memon]

He broke his leg, jaw, scratches all over and he did hit his head. he hit a road divider and flipped over. He also fractured his neck.

---------- Post added at 02:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:20 PM ----------

Also, did he get properly checked out after the accident? Because the first thing I thought of when reading this was head injury.

He was checked a lot. frequently.

[lucybelle]

He broke his leg, jaw, scratches all over and he did hit his head. he hit a road divider and flipped over. He also fractured his neck.

That is a really huge accident. He probably still has trouble and pain from his injuries. It hasn't even been a year yet. I was in the car accident 2.5 years ago and I still stress out from little things. Having injuries like that is totally life changing. You lose your independence. You become a new person. You become more volatile. I wonder if he also has a minor concussion that no one caught?

[Olenka_Memon]

That is a really huge accident. He probably still has trouble and pain from his injuries. It hasn't even been a year yet. I was in the car accident 2.5 years ago and I still stress out from little things. Having injuries like that is totally life changing. You lose your independence. You become a new person. You become more volatile. I wonder if he also has a minor concussion that no one caught?

I have a feeling someone missed something in the examination

[Softy]

Just don't jump in and get married right away.
Like others said, make sure you visit each others a few times before taking further steps.

About his condition, maybe see different doctors as diagnostics may vary a tad from one another.

Keep posting on the updates.

[BabyDimples]

You say that he is Indian? In their culture, the changes that you said that he had after the accident, are common expectations over there. I think that it is the culture. I know a few people who have been with someone from that sort of culture, and although they have been perfect for the first while, they start to slowly bring their culture in. It is a -what I would call- sexist culture, where women do as men tell them. India is very different to England (where I live), and England is different to America. I have been to America a few times, and people seem to be very out spoken, and in India, I know as much as that women are supposed to not speak unless spoken to. The changes that you have seen, could possibly be the opinions from the way he was brought up, coming through. Men are often controlling in small ways anyway, but different cultures are a lot more, controlling, than others. I don't speak from personl experience, but from some friends that I know, and from what I have heard and read. So don't take this too seriously, but don't take it too lightly either

[dglynn77]

Also, did he get properly checked out after the accident? Because the first thing I thought of when reading this was head injury.

me too!

[haribo0603]

I am sorry for your SO had a serious accident.
I am worried whether you understand his culture very much. I am from Japan and I know most of Asian countries have quite different gender culture from European or American one. Even in Japan I often meet such kind of problems and there is a difficult mood to say clearly though OFFICIALLY the female right is protected. In some other countries the female right is not enough protected.
I think the registered (official) family has a stronger meaning in Asian counties than European or American ones. It means if you get married, you have to obey to his culture. It also depends on in which country you and your SO live. I suppose you will have a quite less right or opportunity than you have if you get married with your SO and live in his country.
Of course many ladies from Europe or America enjoy their marriage life in Japan because their Japanese husbands understand wife's culture very well and often such ladies originally love Asian culture.
Please take time to understand your SO's culture. Also please observe his class in his society (they must have caste) and a difference of peoples' behavior of each classes. "Unwritten" custom for ladies must be also carefully observed.
You may find something exotic and fine but also may find something negatively unexpected in his culture.

[Olenka_Memon]

I am sorry for your SO had a serious accident.
I am worried whether you understand his culture very much. I am from Japan and I know most of Asian countries have quite different gender culture from European or American one. Even in Japan I often meet such kind of problems and there is a difficult mood to say clearly though OFFICIALLY the female right is protected. In some other countries the female right is not enough protected.
I think the registered (official) family has a stronger meaning in Asian counties than European or American ones. It means if you get married, you have to obey to his culture. It also depends on in which country you and your SO live. I suppose you will have a quite less right or opportunity than you have if you get married with your SO and live in his country.
Of course many ladies from Europe or America enjoy their marriage life in Japan because their Japanese husbands understand wife's culture very well and often such ladies originally love Asian culture.
Please take time to understand your SO's culture. Also please observe his class in his society (they must have caste) and a difference of peoples' behavior of each classes. "Unwritten" custom for ladies must be also carefully observed.
You may find something exotic and fine but also may find something negatively unexpected in his culture.

He's actually very wealthy. Probably 2nd on the caste system. His family does not believe in arranged marriages. He can choose whoever he wants. He said he would live here for a while.

---------- Post added at 01:47 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:46 PM ----------

My new problem: I went to sleep because I was sick and he had just woken up. He won't reply today. This wasn't an issue before the accident.

Extra Info: He is a Muslim. So it's very different.