It has begun.

[Tanja]

Thought I'd post here now too since I'm a "newbie" all over again... *sigh*
Me and my SO's LDR has begun again - he flew back home to Wales this morning.

Little background story for the ones who don't know: Me and my SO were LD for nearly 3 years and both members of LFAD the whole time (we met a lovely couple on here too who we became friends with in real life - Elina and Sam ), then he moved here in Finland and we had lived together for 1 year and 4 months when last month he got a job offer from back home and decided to go for it. So we're back to LD again for an indefinite time - sucky isn't it?

It made me wonder how many of you have been through this? Started off as a LD couple, then closed the distance and for whatever reason went back to LD.
Lemme hear your story and feel free to offer some advice since I find all of this very HARD. Knowing that some of you might've gone through this (and survived?) could help me a lot so shoot away

[snow_girl]

Hope you are doing okay Tanja!! I will be in this position in just over a year. My visa will expire and I will have to go back home. We don't have much of a plan that far ahead yet but it will either mean trying to get him to Canada or trying to get me to the UK a bit longer, I'm really not looking forward to it. So I'm sure I'll be turning to you when the time comes!

[Dziubka]

I meant to write it in your other thread: I'm so sorry for you.

While I haven't been through this yet. I'm going to in half a year. My boyfriend and I have just closed the distance (and it's absolutely wonderful ), but in half a year, I'm moving to his home city as part of my Master's programme and he either stays here or moves to another city in Germany. So we'll be back at long distance, for ... god knows how long, but one year minimum.

So we went from being CD in his city to LD, to CD in my city and we're going back to LD with exchanged cities in half a year. It's annoying and I'm scared about it, but there's not much we can do about it.

[lucybelle]

I feel so bad for you two! My SO and I might have to go back to LD when we apply for a visa. I haven't figured out if I need to be in the USA to sponsor him or not yet, differs for different countries. Fingers crossed I can do it from here. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you two

Best of luck!

(but if there's a silver lining it's certainly that we'll have the pleasure of having you on LFAD a bit more!)

[Tanja]

snow_girl: I'm doing surprisingly well! Just trying to keep very busy and not think about things too much. So far so good ....
And you can absolutely turn to me if you need any help or someone to talk to

Dziubka: Wow that sounds complicated! And scary. Although you've already been through the transition once so maybe it won't be so bad the second time around? Or maybe it's worse? I don't know :/
I hope the year is all it takes for you to get back to CD again!

lucybelle: I've never had to dealt with visa stuff, although it was a bit of a nightmare getting Andy his resident permit, but I can't even begin to imagine what a hassle it will be for you two. I really hope you can do this from CR and that everything goes smoothly! When do you have to apply for it?

[Lilly9886]

I went through something similar.. I met my bf close distance, but he was an exchange-student and had to go back after we were together only 2 months.. we then went long distance for half a year until I did an exchange-study for 1 year at his university.. after that we went back long distance (which we are right now since July - with 2 visits in between).

So I know how you feel. You have to get used to be alone again.. For me the worst was I think the first few weeks... when I really didn't know what to do with myself much.. and we had this huge time difference again.... We started our skype-schedule again like we had before we went close distance...

But I think it will get easier with time, when you find your own rhythm again..

I wish you both the best!

[Rugger]

Been there, done that lady. My SO and I thought we had closed the distance last November. He moved in with my parents and I because he had found a job down by me. The Job turned out to be shit and 2 months later, he went back home. I was completely heart-broken. I was so ready for the LDR to me over.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this babe.

[squeeker]

I haven't had to go through this, I'm not sure if it's in my future or not, but I'm really sorry it had to happen to you two, because I can sort of see how difficult it would be to be apart after you had gone through so much and were finally together. I really hope the time you guys are apart for this time goes by quickly and you figure out a way to close the distance again. Take care!

[Dziubka]

Tanja: It's different this time, though. We met when we both lived in the same city, but we were only just getting to know each other and I moved away after we had known each other for 2,5 months and were a couple for maybe 1,5 of them. It was hard and I was so scared that it wouldn't be able to make it - I was so heartbroken when he left (he came home with me and went back after a few days).
This time, we're living together. We've been together for 2,5 years. He's not "the guy I really like and have been seeing for the past couple of weeks".
It's going to be really hard, but for the moment I'm trying my best not to think about it and enjoy the time we have together.

[DemonxOisin]

I got nothing, but I wanted to send you a hug, and my best wishes, and strength. I know how incredibly difficult it´s going to be for you both, but if anyone can handle that, it will be you two <3

[loveknowsnodistance27]

Tanja, you were on my mind today. I am sorry to hear this once again, and I hope you are doing okay. I'm here for you! *hugs* I've been through it. My SO and I are college students, so we closed the distance for 3 months last May and started LD again in September. Now, we're CD because of his academic standing at school and we may go back to LD as early as September. Everything is up in the air; he really wants to go back to his school, but he may transfer to a local school. We were able to adjust nicely to LD again, though it was definitely hard at first. It'll get easier, I promise.

[Zephii]

I havn't really been there. You're a better woman than I am though, I think if Obi turned to me now and said "I'm taking a job offer back home" I'd hand him my rings and say "hock these for your plane ticket, I don't need them anymore."

As you probably remember we went LD for only two months at the end of last year (Sept 20ish - Dec 3rd) because of visa issues and after having lived together so long, I simply couldn't hack it. All our LD communication styles felt empty, it was an inconvenience to be tied down to the computer, and organising my day around when we could talk.... and we knew it would be over quickly. I can't imagine having the strength you're showing right now. So good on you! Seriously, you're one hell of a woman.

It is nice to have you back though, the forums aren't the same without you (I know I'm selfish!)

[DemonxOisin]

Seriously, you're one hell of a woman.

It is nice to have you back though, the forums aren't the same without you (I know I'm selfish!)

I second this :P

[Moon]

No advice on this one, Tanja, just support. The only optimistic point I can make (OK, OK, I know Finns aren't known for their optimism ) is that maybe now that Andy can gain some experience in his field, he'll be able to find employment in Finland one day, if he keeps up with learning the language. It's so damn hard for foreigners to find gainful employment there, it's a deep fear that always lives in the back of my mind, but it can be done eventually. You may really need to consider moving closer to Helsinki at some point, they're more used to immigrants there, and the prejudice is a lot less. Our Helsinki office has twice the foreign employees as our US or UK offices. I of course don't mean to sound like I know more about Suomi than you do, but I've done a huge amount of foreigner's research Just stay strong sweetie, it'll be hard, but if you want this, you can do it.

[Tanja]

Thanks everyone, reading your experiences really did make me feel better

I havn't really been there. You're a better woman than I am though, I think if Obi turned to me now and said "I'm taking a job offer back home" I'd hand him my rings and say "hock these for your plane ticket, I don't need them anymore."

As you probably remember we went LD for only two months at the end of last year (Sept 20ish - Dec 3rd) because of visa issues and after having lived together so long, I simply couldn't hack it. All our LD communication styles felt empty, it was an inconvenience to be tied down to the computer, and organising my day around when we could talk.... and we knew it would be over quickly. I can't imagine having the strength you're showing right now. So good on you! Seriously, you're one hell of a woman.

It is nice to have you back though, the forums aren't the same without you (I know I'm selfish!)

Awwww you're making me blush
You already know I think you're full of awesomeness! And I'm not any better than you, don't be silly

No advice on this one, Tanja, just support. The only optimistic point I can make (OK, OK, I know Finns aren't known for their optimism ) is that maybe now that Andy can gain some experience in his field, he'll be able to find employment in Finland one day, if he keeps up with learning the language. It's so damn hard for foreigners to find gainful employment there, it's a deep fear that always lives in the back of my mind, but it can be done eventually. You may really need to consider moving closer to Helsinki at some point, they're more used to immigrants there, and the prejudice is a lot less. Our Helsinki office has twice the foreign employees as our US or UK offices. I of course don't mean to sound like I know more about Suomi than you do, but I've done a huge amount of foreigner's research Just stay strong sweetie, it'll be hard, but if you want this, you can do it.

Yeah we talked about moving to Southern Finland and at first I couldn't stand the thought of it - I know the possibilities for a foreigner are better there but everything else is worse. The people are so different compared to the ones here in the middle. City people can be so rude and ignorant whereas in here if you ever break down on the road there's a bunch of people willing to help. I guess it's just a matter of adjusment though... And I would never move directly to Helsinki. I still need my piece of countryside even if I did live in the suburban area!

I have a 5-year-plan actually. And it involves a move to Tampere which is kind of half-way between from where I am now and Helsinki. Me and my cousin want to start a business and we're both working on it atm. Fingers crossed it'll happen!