My SO has a hard time talking about his feelings...

[blueeyes79]

So my SO has a hard time talking about his feelings, he even has a hard time telling me that he misses me and loves me, But I know he does and both do go without saying...We have been together for 7 months now. I mean he texts you i love you sometimes, he just hadnt said it yet...Do I have anything to worry about?? and should I just let it be?? and wait until he is ready to open up??

Thanks

[Haley53]

Different people move at their own pace, and seven months is still relatively early, so I would be patient with him. My partner and I said "I love you" before we started dating, but it was a couple years before we ever voiced those words to one another and I said it before he did. I believe there are some couples on LFAD who have been together for a couple years and don't find the need to say "I love you" every day to one another or to express that they're loved/missed. Different people are different, open up at different times and find value in expressing various emotions.

My only concern would be that it's something to worry about if it's effecting your communication. If you're both still able to work out disagreements and if you're both still able to be vulnerable with each other when the situation calls for, I'd say your good (though there's more leniency on the latter than the former). If seven months in, his inability to express himself to you is causing issues when it comes to sorting out arguments/disagreements, that's when I'd say you should talk to him because there's a problem that needs to be worked on. However, if you're both fine with the understanding that "I miss you"/"I love you" goes without saying, I don't see why you should be worried. As long as you're able to communicate when it matters, I don't think you have a communication problem.

If it's bothering you, I might try talking to him about it. Tell him that you love it when he opens up and is affectionate with you. Does he say "I love you too"? You could always try starting the discussion yourself, telling him you love him and let him respond and then say you've been thinking about suchandsuch and it's made you feel thisorthat. Sometimes it's easier for people who are shyer to open up to respond if they have some ground to stand on, like saying "I love you too" or "yeah, I really like x or y about you" and so on. You could always directly ask him what his stance on affection is as well.

[blueeyes79]

Thank you Eclair...Our communcation is fine. And we do settle arugments. This is also my first LDR and i just didnt know if that was i guess you can say normal...I am fine with the i miss\love goes without saying. He has told me loved me twice...He is there for me as i am for him as well. Thank you again!!!

[Haley53]

Thank you Eclair...Our communcation is fine. And we do settle arugments. This is also my first LDR and i just didnt know if that was i guess you can say normal...I am fine with the i miss\love goes without saying. He has told me loved me twice...He is there for me as i am for him as well. Thank you again!!!

Then I think it's fine.

The thing about relationships is they are so completely individual. My boyfriend and I say sweet things regularly, but not as regularly as some couples and more regularly than others, who like to keep those things on reserve so that they always feel the butterflies when said. It really is dependent on the couple, so try not to worry about fitting into a category of "normal" or "abnormal" on something that is so relative.

[Hololz]

Honestly, my boyfriend didnt start properly opening up to me about his feelings until a couple of months ago, we've been together 3 years. Even then, I really had to push him. I noticed he was feeling down, asked what was wrong and wouldnt take "nothing" for an answer! The "I love you"s and "I miss you"s were never an issue though. We say it alot to each other. But other than that, he was really private about some of his true feelings. He likes to think of himself as someone that doesnt need to rely on anybody and I think he was afraid he would look vulnerable if he opened up. I think being LD after starting off CD really helped us to veiw each other in a different way, and made it easier for us communicate those feelings to each other because there was a much deeper level of trust. Have you met each other yet? If not, maybe once you meet, he'll feel more comfortable opening up.

[Softy]

Each person is different and some are sensitive to saying 'I love you'.

I've always been an helpless romantic and in the past I have been throwing 'I love you' to some guys I was dating and you know what? Probably way too soon.
With the years, saying 'I love you; was becoming more and more difficult as I did not want to say it, unless I was 100% sure it was meaningful for both of us.

When I met my current bf (LDR) he was saying a lot 'I love you' the 1st months we started dating.
And I was, how can I say.... a little worried because it was too fast and he was so sweet that I did not want to believe it.
We even had a talk about the difference about 'I like you' and 'I love you'.

The 1st time we met, he did hold me and said: ' I love you so much'.
At that time I thought my heart would explode.
After a few days finally I was able to reply 'I love you' back to him but it took everything.
Not because I did not love him, but I was scared of the words and of 'letting go'.

Maybe give it time
Some ppl are more fragile than others

[blueeyes79]

Thank you everyone!!! like i said its my first LDR so i dont know how similar it is to a CDR...

[Malaga]

My boyfriend never tells me he misses me. We don't say I love you on a daily basis, sometimes not even on a weekly either. When we do, it's usually me who says it first. He only says it when he feels he should emphasize it, like when I'm feeling down, or before we travel anywhere.
He is however very affectionate and supportive in other ways.

Some people need more time to express their feelings openly. But also, some never do, they're just not the type. Guys in particular aren't quick to reveal emotions which make them vulnerable. I know in the case of my bf, he feels that if he openly shows how much he wants or needs something, it'll be taken away from him. It comes back from his childhood.

Your SO sounds like a caring and supportive person. Just because he doesn't tell you he loves you or misses you as often as guys in romcoms do, or those annoying couples on Facebook, doesn't mean he feels it any less.

[dukes2011]

Your SO sounds like a caring and supportive person. Just because he doesn't tell you he loves you or misses you as often as guys in romcoms do, or those annoying couples on Facebook, doesn't mean he feels it any less.

Couldn't have said it better myself! Also, it is harder for some people to open up about their feelings. My boyfriend's family can be very passive aggressive and they internalize emotions instead of talking them through. He moved back in with his parents and younger brother about a year ago and I've definitely noticed he can hold feelings in more. Sometimes I really have to drag it out which is annoying, but I know that it has nothing to do with his feelings toward me.

[BlackRoseOpal]

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. My SO won't really say I love you unless it's to my face, that might just be a choice though. I wish I heard it more though. We're also struggling as to what we are with titles whether we're "boyfriend and girlfriend" or not. I know it's weird.

But disregarding my problems. We're here for you sweeite. Some guys just don't like to open up. *hugs* I hope everything works out!

[blueeyes79]

He is very affectionate and does care about me alot...I asked him if he fell in love with hard and he said yes. I use to be like him and not open up to anyone but i am changing that espically with him. I guess I kinda expect the same from him....He is my only second relationship. I dont know how guys act considering i was with my first for 13 years...So i just dont know what is the norm with guys in genral i guess you can say... Thank you again everyone

[HollzHeartsChris]

Everyone says things and opens up at different periods of time. My SO has no problem admitting how he feels about me, but he's always been a lot less happy to voice his thoughts and feelings about other things if they're bothering him, even now after almost 2 years of knowing him. I think it's just the way he is, and I've noticed a lot of guys are similar: they really don't like opening up to us ladies on the whole Don't worry. Give him time, and he will.