Need Help! Can't Decide

[Gerwin]

Hey people!

Well, this is my first post and I need some help so I am going to write down my story:

There is a chatting website called Omegle and I met some people through there and since I started chatting there a lot happened in my personal life. By the time I started chatting through Omegle I fell in love with my Italian exchange student which we had with school, but when I was there I was sure she didn't want to be more than friends and even kissed a friend of mine, so that was done. But then it all started, a lot of girls I met and also in real life started helping me and being there for me and some of them confessed to me that they liked me, even some on from also The Netherlands (I live there) but I rejected them. And one girl from Germany I liked, but wasn't fallen in love with but she deleted me because it would only hurt her because she couldn't see the relationship work.

Now it starts: Before it all began with the German girl I met a girl from Singapore and I felt a sort of connection with her right from the beginning and we share a lot of interests and life experiences and we started of being great friends but now we are talking to eachother like a couple and we both really feel that way like being in love, we even called eachother for the first time through skype and since then I cannot keep my mind of of her and I am just starstrucked she even called it the best week of her life as I also gave her 3 cards. We are now planning to meet eachother in 2 years probably in Turkey to have 2 weeks of holiday together in a hotel, but now I don't know what to do, should I keep talking with her like I do now and not make it an "official" relationship or should I ask her if she wants to be my boyfriend?

Thanks for the help already and if there are any questions or things, feel free to ask me! :-) Really, don't worry. ;-)

Greetings, Gerwin

P.S. I am now 16 and she is now 15.

[13000km]

The first part of the post is confusing. So, are any of the other girls mentioned still in the picture?

As for making it official, that's entirely up to the two of you. For my boyfriend and I, we were reluctant to start a relationship online, and kept ourselves in kind of a grey area until we met, then realized we were stupid to discount the year we had already spent together prior to meeting. So, making it official really depends largely on your beliefs and perception of an online relationship.

Before you start a relationship you have to talk to her to make sure you are both on the same page, have the same (or agree on) expectations of a LDR--things like how often you want to skype, when you want to meet in real life, etc., and also want the relationship to move towards a similar end-goal.

[efish1042]

Before I can offer advice, I really would like to know if you are still talking to those other girls seriously or if you are just focused on this girl from Singapore.

[Gerwin]

Ok yeah. I understand why the first part is confusing because so much happened and no none of the girls are in the picture I believe and otherwise I will reject them because I would feel like cheating on my "girlfriend" and I would clearly not like one of them as I like the girl from Singapore (are we here allowed to use names btw?). And those girls are just normal and with my gf I have a special feeling. But for clarification I will make a timeline of events for you people.

Oh and I am totally focusing on the girl from Singapore, the rest also knows about her etc and that I want to continue with her and that I love her and that I like the others more as friends.

1. Italian exchange student stayed at my place and fell in love.
2. Met some people through Omegle who primarily helped me with the situation with the exchange student. (also met the girl from Singapore)
3. I go to Italy and see it wouldn't work and fall back.
4. Friends help me with my pain about her.
5. Some of the friends (three, one real life, two online) confess to me that they liked me (not Singapore girl) and I reject two of them and the other one deletes me.
6. I start to get closer to my gf and start being a couple.
7. Now

I hope this helps a bit and for further details you can always ask. ;-)
About your advise, thank you! Its very helpful but do you think you can discuss this all better on a chat or when we call through Skype?
And there is another thing and maybe more personal, I don't know what to do if we make it public of how my parents will react and my friends etc and the normal people which is for me very hard and difficult, so I don't know what to do I guess.. Although I would sacrifise anything for her.

I guess I still forgot something but then I will say that later. I hope this is what you all needed to know. And otherwise feel free to ask

[efish1042]

I don't think you quite understand just what sacrificing "anything" would entail. Especially if you are worried what your parents will think.
Let's focus on the parent problem first - I would casually ask what my parents thought about LDR's and what they thought about inter-cultural dating to get the feel of things. Hopefully they are optimistic. If they are not, you will have to ask yourself "Can I carry on a relationship with this girl knowing my parents don't approve?"
Keep in mind that they are providing for you. They love you. They want what's best for you. You're not even sure it would work with this girl if you were in the same town.
Now on to the girl. Whether or not to make it official. You care for her and she cares for you, that much is clear. You should talk to her and see what making it official would imply for your relationship. Complete honesty and fidelity are typical. Can you handle not being with other girls closer to you? Can you be entirely honest with her?
There is a stigma with young love. There is a stigma with long distance. You have two problems there. You are both young and far away. Can you handle people criticizing your relationship? Making it seem like a naiive whim? A passing phase?
Then there is your life. Do you have the time and effort to devote to this girl? She will need frequent communication and reassurance of your feelings. Will this mean less time and effort devoted to school or a job?
There are several considerations here. Think it over. Talk to your parents. Talk to her.
Personally, I would keep talking to her and make it known that I care for her, but hold off on making a commitment until I know I can hold to it. I would wait. Rather like 13000km.

[alesitag]

Ok, about what your friends and family think... If I were you, I'd focus on my parents and like efish1042 said: Simply ask them what are their thoughts on LDRs... After having an answer you can start thinking what your next step should be (making it official, dating without telling anybody, starting an open relationship, etc).

I think you're doing great already by planning to meet in a few years, when you both are older and not rushing into doing something that could end up badly with the two of you being so young.

Now about making it official, talk to her, see what she thinks about it, but given your ages and how hard LDRs are even for those of us who are older, "wiser" and more "emotionally mature" (though I honestly think I was wiser and more mature when I was your age :P), I'd recommend you keep things at a "loving friends" level and continue to work on your relationship until you both are ready for the emotional roller coaster this can be.

I wish you the best of luck

[Gerwin]

efish1024, I think my parents don't think it's a real problem, but I have never really talked with them about love and those sort of things, but when I still was in love with the Italian girl I could feel that they were encouraging me with like saying: "how is it with your Italian girlfriend?" as I also gave her a photoalbum of pictures I had taken, so I guess they wouldn't really mind.
About the girl, I am sure I can handle with not being close to other girls and I can be entirely honest to her, I have already been like that to her, as I also told her about everything with the Dutch girl that liked me etc and some fights I had with people about her (with good friends).
About the critisizing, well I wouldn't like it for sure and get angry about it I guess, but I can handle it, but I am not sure how she would be with this, so maybe if I talk to her today I can ask her (we talk daily). I also got enough time I guess although the time difference (8 hours if I am right) is pretty annoying as when I come back from school she almost has to go to bed, although we still talk daily and otherwise we text eachother.

And about you would do, that's also my main thing which I think I will do but I think I can hold on to it and she can too. But I will keep you all updated from when I talked to her. ;-)

alesitag, yeah you are right about the parents, I know my parents love me a lot and I guess they would be ok with it, but should/can I also do this behind their backs till I make it official and explain it all to them? Because I am not very comfortable with talking to them about these things, not at all actually.

And thanks, well it's the earliest time that we can see eachother, I guess if earlier was also possible we would have done that, but due unsufficient funding it isn't but you are right too that it's good for us to me more mature by then too.
And hahaha. :P Yeah well I see myself pretty wise and emotionally mature due everything that happened the last year and how I cope with it, but you are right, we should take it easy. :-)

And thank you! I will keep you all updated. ;-) and start to get active here, as it's a really nice place for sure! :-)