anxious...but why?! it'll be great, right?

[ordbkk89]

Hey all,

Been a bit of a lurker on and off at this site for some time (my apologies), and you all seem so helpful and understanding. I really am stuck on what to do about my anxiety lately...

Just a brief history: I'm in grad school to be a vet and my SO is living in Thailand right now for work. He's been there for almost a year and won't be returning until a year from this summer. We've pretty much been long distance the whole time we've been together, and have both done long distance before with other people. What I'm nervous about is this summer: I actually am going to get the chance to live with him in Thailand for 3 months! I know I should be ecstatic, and I sure am. The only thing is I'm really kinda anxious about it, too. Have any of you had experiences similar to this that can offer advice? Going from not seeing each other for months at a time, and sometimes even not talking for days because you're both so busy, to abruptly living together, even if it is only a temporary situation?

I guess I have some other things that are adding to the anxiety... experiencing some family issues, recent "tiff" with the roommates, school stress...and I have a history of depression. I'm in consistent counseling, but have chosen to try and cope with things without medication (I've been on and off meds for the past 6+ years, but it means a lot for me to try this on my own, if possible, once and for all). Just been feeling lonely lately, too, I guess. It's weird still being in school when all my friends are off being real "adults" with jobs and still manage to have social lives. School and studying have really consumed my life, and I've been having trouble focusing because all of this.

Sigh. I know it's complicated, as everyone's own situation is. Advice or anything else that you can offer I would greatly appreciate. Thank you at least for reading!

[DemonxOisin]

First of all, welcome, welcome!

I had quite a similar experience to you last summer. Long distance, and we suddenly had the opportunity to spend our summer together. I had the same huge amount of anxieties as you, and crap going on at home as well. But I just rolled with it, and you know, I ended up having a wonderful summer I think you will be nervous regardless before something like that, so try to keep it in control, and just go for it

[katylynnlee]

This site is great for support, because everyone is in the same boat. First of all, I'm going to address your post backwards and say congratulations for getting into grad school for veterinary medicine. That is a huge accomplishment and you certainly shouldn't be ashamed that your friends are out of school. Your schooling will take much longer than theirs, almost 7 years, isn't it? (that's what it is here) It's something to be proud of that you stuck through it to the end and will reap the benefits of it once you're out.

Now to address the real anxiety issue. Moving in with anyone is a scary step, since you could be use to living by yourself with your own habits. The best advice I can give you is to compromise. For example, if you both hate doing the dishes, make an arrangement to take turns or to help each other out. Pretty simple, right? You just always have to remember that there's two people in the relationship, and something you may think is acceptable (maybe leaving towels on the floor), may bother your partner. Communication is key. That will be ten times easier when you're together too, so that's great. I wish I had this site when I lived with my SO. It would've saved me a lot of hassle, because I thought every tiff we got in was disaster and that we should never argue or disagree. Well, I figured out that that just doesn't happen (normally anyway). I'm sure you realize that your SO isn't going to be the exact same person as you, and if he was, that would be weird anyhow. Once you get used to being with each other, I'm sure things will work out perfect!

As for other anxiety, take it one thing at a time. Don't try to think about everything at once or at all sometimes. I suffer from really bad anxiety sometimes, and I find if I don't give myself a break, I'll get sick. Focus on the good. The exciting, which seems to be abundant for you now with school and moving. If school is stressful, make a plan to devote more time to it and less to drama that may be going on. If you take a break from it, it may just solve itself. Once you know that you have made time to do the things you need to do, it'll ease your mind a little I imagine. If you start feeling depressed, do something to counteract it before it gets worse. Stop studying for a day (it really won't hurt), and go out and enjoy yourself. Do stuff you love to do, that is unrelated to school. Try yoga in your dorm room/apartment in you're really stressed out. Just breathe and know that everything works out in the end.

Good luck!

[lucybelle]

You're gonna have a freaking blast. Things will probably be stressful, because you'll be living together, because you'll be in a new country, because you'll both be away from home...etc. But! Go in with an open mind and ready to compromise and you'll be fine.

My SO moved in with me after we had only spent about 3 weeks in person together (LD for the rest of the time- about 2 years). 14 months later we're still going strong

[Zapookie]

I met my SO online. For our first visit, he stayed with me for 3 months.. (remembering that we had never seen each other before this). IT WAS WONDEFUL! And oh how those 3 months flew by. You'll be fine, and you'll have so much fun. Just remember to cherish every moment because in the blink of an eye, you'll be back home again.

Just remember to be safe and don't eat food from street vendors lol

[ordbkk89]

Thank you all so much for replying...and so speedily! I do really love how much this site reminds you that we aren't alone in this.

Vet school here is 4 years, but you usually have a Bachelor's so a total of 8 years is the norm. Even longer (3-5 years added on) if you want to specialize in something (like oncology, cardiology, etc.). It's pretty challenging, but I just am trying to keep in mind that it is a means to an end. Unfortunately, study breaks aren't much of an option. Well, I guess I'm breaking that one posting on here, especially since I have the last part of my midterms on Monday. I am hoping that once these are done, my mood will be a little more stable and easy to handle. I just keep trying to remember that it's about a month until I'm halfway through school and on a plane! Some days are easier than others, though, which is expected. Time just needs to move faster, dang it!!

Again, thanks for the replies. It is encouraging to hear success stories!

P.s. I was able to go visit him before in Bangkok...street food is delicious! Can't pass up $0.50 chicken satay and pad thai. I'll just keep my fingers cross my luck doesn't run out.