The end...for now

[ashleecarol]

School has become hectic for both of us. We can't handle the relationship anymore. I am moving onto nursing school and he is struggling to stay up in his classes. We've lost each other along the way. This has all spiraled downhill faster than my brain can comprehend. We have to set up our own lives individually first. I can't believe after 8 years that it is ending this way...I am absolutely heart broken. Hopefully, we will be able to cross paths again once we have our own things settled or maybe our paths will go separate ways....

[snow_girl]

Sorry to hear that, all the best to you

[lademoiselle]

I'm so sorry to hear this I guess time alone will tell what the outcome of your situation will be... I hope it's the right one for both of you. Good luck and take care!

[Manoek]

Sorry to hear that, if its meant to be you guys will find each other again , all the best of luck!

[Softy]

Sorry

/hugs

[dglynn77]

Sorry to hear this! Best of luck

[LoveL]

8 years?

That's a pretty huge commitment to suddenly feel like you don't know what went wrong.

Can I take a shot at it?

Despite your love for each other and your desire to share a life together, the priority in your relationship was the individual and each of your own personal desires.
Should you have to quit school to be together? No. You shouldn't. But can suspending that part of life in order to start a life together be an option? Yes. It can.

For that to happen though, the relationship and your trust and knowledge that you two are meant to be together has to be the priority. And that's not just small cheese we're talking about here. Being so sure in each other and your relationship that you have the confidence to adjust your current life path, or even suspend it for a little while, is a big big deal.

When other things take priority over the relationship, the relationship will suffer.
That's true in any situation.

I'm sorry that you guys have decided to call it quits after such a long time together.
Maybe you just need a little break for the extra stress that relationship can place on things and then you'll be able to re-approach things with a better vision of what you want for each other.

I think if people wanted to be in a relationship, then they would make it happen.
When the relationship is the #1 priority, no amount of obstacles or difficulties should get in the way of that.

Best of luck to you both.

[FierceFoxie]

8 years?

That's a pretty huge commitment to suddenly feel like you don't know what went wrong.

Can I take a shot at it?

Despite your love for each other and your desire to share a life together, the priority in your relationship was the individual and each of your own personal desires.
Should you have to quit school to be together? No. You shouldn't. But can suspending that part of life in order to start a life together be an option? Yes. It can.

For that to happen though, the relationship and your trust and knowledge that you two are meant to be together has to be the priority. And that's not just small cheese we're talking about here. Being so sure in each other and your relationship that you have the confidence to adjust your current life path, or even suspend it for a little while, is a big big deal.

When other things take priority over the relationship, the relationship will suffer.
That's true in any situation.

I'm sorry that you guys have decided to call it quits after such a long time together.
Maybe you just need a little break for the extra stress that relationship can place on things and then you'll be able to re-approach things with a better vision of what you want for each other.

I think if people wanted to be in a relationship, then they would make it happen.
When the relationship is the #1 priority, no amount of obstacles or difficulties should get in the way of that.

Best of luck to you both.

This!

I'm sorry you have called it quits. I can't imagine being with someone for 8 years and then suddenly feel things have just gotten too stressful and it all needs to end. Best of luck to you and your future.

[Haley53]

8 years?

That's a pretty huge commitment to suddenly feel like you don't know what went wrong.

Can I take a shot at it?

Despite your love for each other and your desire to share a life together, the priority in your relationship was the individual and each of your own personal desires.
Should you have to quit school to be together? No. You shouldn't. But can suspending that part of life in order to start a life together be an option? Yes. It can.

For that to happen though, the relationship and your trust and knowledge that you two are meant to be together has to be the priority. And that's not just small cheese we're talking about here. Being so sure in each other and your relationship that you have the confidence to adjust your current life path, or even suspend it for a little while, is a big big deal.

When other things take priority over the relationship, the relationship will suffer.
That's true in any situation.

I'm sorry that you guys have decided to call it quits after such a long time together.
Maybe you just need a little break for the extra stress that relationship can place on things and then you'll be able to re-approach things with a better vision of what you want for each other.

I think if people wanted to be in a relationship, then they would make it happen.
When the relationship is the #1 priority, no amount of obstacles or difficulties should get in the way of that.

Best of luck to you both.

I agree and disagree with this.

I agree because I think that the relationship does need to be a priority for it to work, but I disagree because I don't think the relationship always needs to be the #1 priority. Especially after 8 years together, especially at such a young age, I feel that sometimes two people not only lose each other but themselves. Confidence in a relationship is important, but not so much confidence that you're no longer living for you. Both my boyfriend and I have goals. Mine are less flexible than his, considering they station me here for a while, but we're both able to work around those goals even if we've occasionally needed to tweak the plan (e.g. I'll be taking a gap, when originally he was hoping to come here for work). It's involved compromise, but I wouldn't necessarily say sacrifice, even though I've used the two interchangeably in regards to our relationship.

The relationship is an important priority for the both of us, but it's not the most important priority. There was a time, for example, when his brother, whom he's legal guardian of, and his life circumstances had to take priority over our relationship. The "us" during that time was not the same "us" that was before or is again today. That does not mean our relationship suffered. There was a lot that I had to sacrifice in the way of my romantic needs in that time. I had to have a lot of understanding, empathy, but more than that, I had to call on a lot of patience for what he was going through, and what that meant, and forgiveness. There were some things that were said and done that I could easily resent him for, but I've forgiven it and moved on from it. I will never forget what we went through, but I will also never forget the way that it improved our relationship. Being in a relationship means making each other a priority. Making each other a priority sometimes means that one or the other has to understand that sometimes life comes before.

To the OP, I wanted to make a point that while LoveL makes a good point, it's not applicable in all situations. I don't see this as being a fault of either of you. I see this as a situation where life has happened and priorities have changed, and that's okay. It's simply that at the moment what's best for the both of you is not best for the "us." To me, being able to grow together in a relationship is as important as being willing to make sacrifices. Your individual lives are as important as the life you'll be building together, and I think it's important not to let one or the other fall to the wayside for the sake of making it work. A part of being in a partnership means making it work in situations that benefit the both of you. I think that suspension of those life goals should happen only in the event it's in favour of the both of you. I have never believed that a relationship has to work based on the amount of sacrifices people can make, but sometimes making that relationship work means making sure you have a stable independent life in place for yourself.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but I think you both have made the right decision, however painful, and I can only expect good things to come from this, either individually or together, whatever the path might be. For the moment, focus on you, on healing, on what you need to do for you, and that's the best you can do for now.

[LoveJ]

For that to happen though, the relationship and your trust and knowledge that you two are meant to be together has to be the priority. And that's not just small cheese we're talking about here. Being so sure in each other and your relationship that you have the confidence to adjust your current life path, or even suspend it for a little while, is a big big deal.

When other things take priority over the relationship, the relationship will suffer.
That's true in any situation.

You're right here. Jobs and school will keep trudging along with sometimes minimal effort because they're always there, and rarely variable. But when dealing with relationships, there are two people involved, both of whom have lives and choices, and that takes more work than maintaining something that's just "there." It's putting in the work to know that when you aren't with each other 24/7, that it can be sustained because the solid, concrete foundation is there.

[Yaaamiii]

I'm so sorry, that must be really difficult. I hope everything works out in the end, life tends to have a funny way of doing that. Best of luck in everything.

[LoveL]

The relationship is an important priority for the both of us, but it's not the most important priority. There was a time, for example, when his brother, whom he's legal guardian of, and his life circumstances had to take priority over our relationship. The "us" during that time was not the same "us" that was before or is again today. That does not mean our relationship suffered. There was a lot that I had to sacrifice in the way of my romantic needs in that time. I had to have a lot of understanding, empathy, but more than that, I had to call on a lot of patience for what he was going through, and what that meant, and forgiveness. There were some things that were said and done that I could easily resent him for, but I've forgiven it and moved on from it. I will never forget what we went through, but I will also never forget the way that it improved our relationship. Being in a relationship means making each other a priority. Making each other a priority sometimes means that one or the other has to understand that sometimes life comes before.

Just so I'm not misunderstood, what you said above makes my whole point.

At the time your SO had to take care of his brother, that had to become his priority for a little while. That's totally fine. There will always be times in life when things pop up or come between people or simply have to take precedence for one reason or another. Work, school, family, health, finances, jobs, natural disaster.... you name it. Life is hard. Time balancing is hard. What you guys did, though, was that you stayed committed to each other and to the relationship regardless of the weight and severity of outside forces. It sounds like you had some pretty good fights along the way, too. And you came through those.

My whole point is that if the relationship is worth it, you'll stay committed to it, regardless of the pressure that outside forces place on you.
Hell, there are even times when "taking a break" can be healthy, not that I subscribe to that belief or practice, myself. (I can't imagine not dealing with issues with LoveJ as soon as possible.) But for some people it does work.

Often times, in romantic relationships or in anything else, we just need to take a step back, self examine our life, our partners and really get our heads on straight. It's alright to take time to do that. I just don't want people ending relationships without really thinking about what that means. Often times the ending of a relationship because of something that amounts to just daily stress can be a mistake... sometimes it's a good thing too.

[ashleecarol]

To the OP, I wanted to make a point that while LoveL makes a good point, it's not applicable in all situations. I don't see this as being a fault of either of you. I see this as a situation where life has happened and priorities have changed, and that's okay. It's simply that at the moment what's best for the both of you is not best for the "us." To me, being able to grow together in a relationship is as important as being willing to make sacrifices. Your individual lives are as important as the life you'll be building together, and I think it's important not to let one or the other fall to the wayside for the sake of making it work. A part of being in a partnership means making it work in situations that benefit the both of you. I think that suspension of those life goals should happen only in the event it's in favour of the both of you. I have never believed that a relationship has to work based on the amount of sacrifices people can make, but sometimes making that relationship work means making sure you have a stable independent life in place for yourself.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but I think you both have made the right decision, however painful, and I can only expect good things to come from this, either individually or together, whatever the path might be. For the moment, focus on you, on healing, on what you need to do for you, and that's the best you can do for now.

Thank you so much. This is exactly what is happening. I didn't throw out a bunch of details because I'm still wrapping my head around everything. This has been something that has been building up since October of last year. He continues to fail his classes and it puts off him making decisions on our lives together. I got into nursing school and I'm moving forward. Since he started college, we have tried to make it work with him staying focus and on task in his classes so we could both graduate, close the distance, etc. However, this is not the case. I am about to become insanely busy. Nursing school is no joke. It is becoming very difficult to deal with the stress of him not passing and continuously getting further and further behind. We seems to always be arguing about school and him breaking promises that he'll get it done. Each semester we've gone through the same thing all over again. We've lost our romance and each other. The spark between us dwindled.

I felt it was unfair of me to ask so much from him and that I was putting unnecessary pressure on him. I want him to succeed and I want him to finish school. It is unrealistic for either of us to drop what we are doing and just move together on a whim. I am hoping he will get his school on track to graduate, I can finish my school, and we will come out of this stronger than ever, or that our paths just have to go separate ways for the better. But for now, it is not working and we can't seem to make it work. It is making us angry and frustrated with each other. To avoid tearing ourselves apart and ending on a very bad note, we are willing to see what this break-up will do both of us. We love each other madly, but I think we have to step back and refocus everything before we jump in again.

---------- Post added at 04:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:37 PM ----------

I just don't want people ending relationships without really thinking about what that means. Often times the ending of a relationship because of something that amounts to just daily stress can be a mistake... sometimes it's a good thing too.

I completely apologize. My original post was vague and I should have known better than to just post what I did without giving more of an explanation. It is far deeper than I had stated. I already responded to someone, so you can see what I had put there is more on the lines of what you had stated. We both have to step back, examine our lives, and get our heads on straight. We both have no desire to search for anyone else, we've already discussed this. This break-up is more on focusing strictly on our lives and school to get all of that figured out first.

[floridaellen]

My SO and I had this happen to us. We got together at 16 and 17, later than you but still young, and just lost ourselves. We broke up for 7 weeks. We then got back together and are happier than ever. Sometimes you just need a break to find yourself if you enter into a relationship at such a young age and that's completely understandable.

I wish you two the best of luck and hope that you use this time to find yourself and become a happier, more well rounded person. Good luck with nursing school - I know it's difficult!

[Haley53]

@LoveL - Thank you for explaining your point to me, as I understand you more clearly now, though my partner and I did take an "official" break. He lost his mother, his home, his entire support network, and inherited a "kid" (his brother) all in the span of a week, completely unexpectedly. He went through about a month of having absolutely no idea who he was, of having no idea how he was going to come through this, and of having absolutely no idea what he wanted. He took time to re-evaluate where he was at and to work on rebuilding some ground to stand on, and he did not want the pressure of having to be a boyfriend, too. It was painfully hard for me to understand why that pressure was there, especially since I did not place many, if any, demands on him at all, but it was, and so we took time without the labels. There were rules, of course, and we never stopped acting like a couple, and you are right, there were some pretty heavy arguments, but we got through it. I wouldn't have personally thought to take a break, but everyone handles it differently. We don't count the break as a "break," really, though I will say, I think the only reason we got through it was that I had a deeper level of understanding and forgiveness than most people thought I should have had. But I suppose my main point was that I had to be what made the relationship work for a while, and that I couldn't be his priority, and that sometimes it happens and relationships and people can still move on from it. I suppose I misunderstood what you'd been trying to say. ^^''

@ashleecarol - I think you are handling your situation in a very mature way, and to be honest, it sounds like even your decision to break-up, as ironic as it sounds, is being done with love and respect for one another, and I think that's commendable. I do think that you know that this was honestly the best decision for your situation and as a result, like I said, I can only see good things coming of it. I do understand that it's hard though. *hugs* to you and feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk.