Who should pay for what?

[kaylamcquaig]

My SO of almost 2 years and I had an argument about who's paying for what. We have yet to meet, and had planned to, but they've been passed due to money (we are 18 and still in school). We're attempting to plan again, since I've gotten a job recently. This being said, this job isn't what I've expected. I'm getting less than I should be making and hardly any hours. I was hoping to meet Michael this summer, a month or two after our two year anniversary, but by the looks of it, my trip won't be possible until next year. This is where my question comes in. Michael offered to pay for my ticket and expenses while I'm there, and he seemed quite upset when I denied, but submitted. Eventually, he told me he wants to pay for my expenses if I won't allow him to get me a ticket, which, again, I denied his offer. We've discussed this further, me explaining why, him begging to do so, and so on. Now, on to my question! Who should pay for what? I want to be fair, but I've never been a fan of spending someone else's money, especially when I'm making my own. :/

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

[WillowFaith]

I feel that visits are 'treats' for both parties, so the expenses should be split. Perhaps, you could let him pay for the ticket there and you save for the ticket back. Or let him pay for the tickets and you pay for the hotel room and any activities and dinners you may plan to have. GoodLuck!

[stevenkik]

Well, I believe there isn't any hard-and-fast rule on who should be paying between couple. It all depends on the financial situation of two of you. If I were you, I would perhaps pay for the round trip tickets, and let him to pay for the rest of the expenses when you are there.

Once you have established a normal practice, everything will be fine. Don't be upset on this when you have somebody willing to take care of you!

[Dylan313]

I'm not a fan of spending other peoples money either, I hate it! (I'm getting better about allowing my SO to pay for things though) I don't think it would be out of line to accept his offer, or at least allow him to buy your ticket and you pay for your own expenses when the time comes. You could even offer to take him out to a nice dinner when you finally get to see him to thank him for buying your ticket. I'm sure you're itchin to see him, there's no sense in waiting any longer because of your own stubbornness. If you feel like this relationship is going to last then you should get used to buying each other things.

[Haley53]

I believe that it completely depends on the couple and on their financial situation. When I went to see my partner over the summer, I paid my way there, and we both went dutch on what we did, due to our financial situation. After his mother passed away, his finances were severely restricted, and so I ended up paying his way out here and for many of our activities, though my partner paid for additional wants, such as food, souvenoirs, etc. I will be paying my way out this summer and we will both be going dutch again.

The way I see it is that whether it's me paying to go out there, or him paying to come out here, we're both paying the same amount, and if one of us doesn't have the means to travel... Then I don't see an issue of either covering the plane fare. For example, I did not have the means to travel to see my partner based on the time it fell in the school year, so it was either I pay for him to come out, and we see one another, or I don't pay/he refused and we don't see each other. The choice seems obvious, and he'd do (and will be doing) the same for me if I were in his position, i.e. strapped for money. I feel like both people benefit from the trip, so if one's willing to pay, then there shouldn't be an issue with accepting that offer, so long as you're helping out where you can. And this is coming from someone who, hypocritically, doesn't accept help, so I'm writing from the perspective of your boyfriend.

[Zapookie]

If he's going to pay, why not? You'll get to meet him and spend time with him. You can always just foot the bill for the next visit instead, and take turns by alternating that way. Or he can pay the ticket and you pay for all your own costs while there? It's all up to what you guys feel comfortable with doing.

My SO and I split his air fare (intl flight, LAX to SYD) and then we split all our other costs. He ran out of money while he was here, so I paid for the rest of our expenses. I had the money just sitting in my bank, so why not? I know he felt bad about it but I love him and I wanted us to be able to go out and do things so that his stay here wasn't a drag! I was more than happy to do it

[lucybelle]

You both want to meet each other and he wants to pay. Go for it!

When my SO and I visited we split costs, sort of. Whoever flew to the other paid for the flight, and whoever hosted paid for everything we did (food, accommodation, fun, etc)

[kiara_silver]

I hated... and hate that my SO has to pay everything. But right now he's the only one able to make our visits happen or else it means waiting and being distant. I struggled with the thought of him paying for it, but he makes clear it's not about the money, it's about the time together, the memories. And he rather pay it then wait years. But I understand wanting to be independent and paying your own way. I think keep talking to him about it. It took us two years to meet too. But if he wants to help pay would you feel better if he payed and came to you? Think of it like that, but if he pays for you to come there it's still the same amount. Best of luck, but talk things out.

[Sora1101]

Each of you should put forward what you can afford, if you don't make much and he is willing to cover you then offer to pay for meals while your there or something simple like that. He wants to see you and is willing to spend the money, I say go for it, who knows maybe next time the situations will be reversed and you'll have to cover most of his expenses, either way you get to see your SO and could always pay him back later. I say go for it. it'll be worth it.

[alesitag]

I'd say if he's willing to pay and it'll be the first time you'll ever meet, why not??? It doesn't mean you are taking advantage of him or you're a gold digger.

I hate spending other people's money, but you're not spending it actually... It's him spending it on you.

When I go visit my SO, I'll pay for my round ticket and he'll be taking care of some other expenses while I'm there... I wasn't feeling comfortable with the idea in the beginning, but we're a couple and we'll both benefit from this trip so now I'm more at peace with it.

[squeeker]

I also say that it depends on who has the money to who pays.. who will have enough financial resources to spend on the trip, it's a trip for both of you so I'd say it's okay to accept his offer because I'm sure he's eager to see you, and you can save up your money to spend on him when you see him and/or for your future trips to see him/he sees you.

How we've done it so far is that I've paid for my roundtrip ticket to go out there, and then we split the costs while we're together, oh and he pays for at least part of the taxi fare from the airport to his house and vice versa (as much as he can). He feels bad a lot of the time that he can't pay for as much for me but I don't mind because I know he would if he could and if I have the money, I might as well use it because it's a treat for me too!

[Phantomrose]

I also agree that it depends on the couple and their financial situation. My SO and I try to split the trip, and come to an agreement on who is paying for what. I don't feel bad about spending money on him at all, although he still feels bad about it at times.

[Manoek]

Well, I believe there isn't any hard-and-fast rule on who should be paying between couple. It all depends on the financial situation of two of you.

This!

I actually want my SO to help pay for my ticket, but I know he doesn't have a lot money. I have a fulltime job, so it obvious that I'm gonna pay. I actually still want him to pay a little, so I'm still gonna ask. Because my ticket is going to be around 1200/1300 dollars.

And when I was there I paid a lot for breakfast and just groceries as well. I have to admit that I like to pay. He hates it though


Great, now I have Destiny's child in my head

The shoe on my feet, I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me

[lala]

I have to admit that I like to pay. He hates it though


Great, now I have Destiny's child in my head

The shoe on my feet, I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me

baaaahaha XD I am also a person who likes to pay, and so is my SO. Sometimes I can start argueing with him lol
but for the trip in summer it wouldn not be bad if he pays a part,although he said that if he gets his new job he would pay for the whole trip.. he is working fulltime (saves money for his studies)..and I'm a fulltime student..

like the others said, it depends on the financial situation.

[redapple]

I think this is an issue that a lot of LDR face, were currently just trying to work our situation out. I earn significantly more than my SO, dont get me wrong im not loaded(!) but considering he will be moving to one of the most expensive cities in the world to live in earning less than me, who is currently living in one of the cheapest cities in Britain, it makes sense for me to pay the majority.

I hope that he will put something towards the £600 pound flights to make it even, but if the option came down to him not being able to contribute or by contributing having no money left then id happily pay to see him. I'd rather pay everything and see him than not see him at all. I think this is probably why your SO has got upset about you not accepting his offer to pay. If i was you and you want to see him obviously, i'd accept his offer and then just try and contribute whatever you can as a thank you gesture. He'l probably be so pleased to see you he wont care!