I need to complain a little.

[Frankenbat]

I recently traveled 3,000 miles via train to see my ex girlfriend who I am on a break with, spending all of my money :/

We had some issues on day one with flirting which I've just decided to shove under a rug until I see her to discuss it with her in person.
I arrived at the train station and she wasn't there I waited around and texted her a few times that I was there and waiting... no reply.

So, I went with this guy I met on the train so I could crash at his place. I texted my SO where I was to let her know that I made it safe and hoping that she may come see me.

She texted me that if I wanted to see her, I had to go to her. Which kind of upset me because I literally spent all of my money (I have forty dollars to my name) on a train ticket out to California to see her and I'm only two hours away at most and recovering from a broken collarbone.
I told her I would look into a bus ticket since they are cheaper than trains (I think?) to LA and asked if she could meet me there, she told me that if I really wanted to see her, I'd go all the way to her.

It's really frustrating...

I told her that I didn't come here to be tested but rather to see the person that I love and she got really upset with me...

[Yaaamiii]

That's kind of strange. May I ask why it is that you two are on a break? Knowing may help answer some questions. As for the rest, with the information I've just read, it doesn't seem very fair to you that she's making you do so when you had just taken a train to go see her.

[kittyo9]

I have a friend who lives in Florida while his ex lives in NY. They'd been together for a while (8 months? 10?) and she had actually moved down to FL temporarily. He was crazy about her and they seemed to have a good relationship. Stuff happened and they broke up, though, but he couldn't really accept it, so a few weeks later he blew a bunch of money on a spur-of-the-moment plane ticket to New York to go see her and surprise her. He thought it would be romantic and would be enough to win her over again. When he got there, however, she didn't want anything to do with him, refused to see him, and sent him away.

Regardless of your intentions, this seems like a sign that she does not want to be with you, since she isn't willing to even do you the courtesy of picking you up when you're flat-out broke. I'm sorry she's doing this to you. It's very immature.

Do you know anyone else in the area, or do you have a credit card or someone who can put money in your bank account so you can at least get yourself to somewhere you're welcome?

[Frankenbat]

We took a break because at the time she had insane trust issues and there was no understanding and the relationship was just REALLY unhealthy. She went to therapy and got help and then we started talking again and then she asked me to come see her and well here I am in California.

Oh god, I really hope it isn't like that. I've sort of mentally prepared myself for that though. But, I don't know how I would handle it if that is the case.

All I have is the forty dollars in my pocket, a bag of clothes, a bag of stuff I've made for her through out our relationship, an iPod that I am typing this out on haha, and a cell phone. I know someone who lives out here but their parents probably wouldn't want me staying at their home right now. They have family visiting :/

[dukes2011]

I'm sorry this happened to you, too. It seems odd that she would ask you to go out there and then refuse to meet you. Maybe contact the person you know who's having family over and see if they know someone who would be willing to put you up for the night. Stay safe and I hope you find somewhere to stay for a bit. Keeping you in my thoughts.

[kittyo9]

We took a break because at the time she had insane trust issues and there was no understanding and the relationship was just REALLY unhealthy. She went to therapy and got help and then we started talking again and then she asked me to come see her and well here I am in California.

Oh god, I really hope it isn't like that. I've sort of mentally prepared myself for that though. But, I don't know how I would handle it if that is the case.

All I have is the forty dollars in my pocket, a bag of clothes, a bag of stuff I've made for her through out our relationship, an iPod that I am typing this out on haha, and a cell phone. I know someone who lives out here but their parents probably wouldn't want me staying at their home right now. They have family visiting :/

I would call your friend anyway. $40 isn't going to get you very far, and you will at least need a safe place to sleep. Regardless of whether we have visitors or not, my family would always take in a friend in need.

The fact that she asked you to come out to see her and now, after you did, expects you to make it all the way to her place with $40 in your pocket (I assume she knows you don't have money to spare right now) without her making any effort to meet you even a part of the way suggests to me that this is not a relationship you should be attempting to reestablish. It's not my call, but that's simply not how you treat people you care about. Perhaps she's over-romanticizing the whole thing and playing up the "against all odds" thing... but that means she needs a serious reality check. I'm not optimistic about this one. ):

[Frankenbat]

Thank you everyone. I am safe as of now. Trying to arrange a way out of here and back to where I came from, yet still hoping that she may come see me or I can find a way to her.
Today she is off of work and I asked her if she isn't too tired if perhaps we could meet up, and she started complaining that I cannot call her right now so she refuses to see me. I am all alone in this guys' house and he is away at work with his phone so I have no way to give her a call right now which I explained to her and told her that i would call her once I could, and she started yelling that I must not think she is important and then stopped talking to me.

I just don't understand. We waited two years for this and all I'm asking is that we close the distance. I even offered to catch a bus out to where she is to meet up and she complained that a man who really loves their SO wouldn't put her through this and would just find a way to make it to her door and soon because she is "tired of waiting for me."
I am having the worst time understanding this. . . like, we could be together right now. In person. No text messages, no phone calls, no distance, hanging out right now. I'm only an hour or so away from her and all she is doing is sitting at home right now. I guess it may be wrong of me to expect her to come and see me, but if things were reversed, I'd be with her. I even offered to cook her dinner in exchange for the gas she would be using to come and see me and she said " this is misery and I really don't deserve this. I am the woman of this relationship and it is your job to get to me." and then she started yelling about my lack of phone again saying I could walk to a pay phone right now but instead I am complaining about this stuff.
"This stuff" is what we have been waiting for for two years.

I'm not over reacting, am I ?

[dukes2011]

I am having the worst time understanding this. . . like, we could be together right now. In person. No text messages, no phone calls, no distance, hanging out right now. I'm only an hour or so away from her and all she is doing is sitting at home right now. I guess it may be wrong of me to expect her to come and see me, but if things were reversed, I'd be with her. I even offered to cook her dinner in exchange for the gas she would be using to come and see me and she said " this is misery and I really don't deserve this. I am the woman of this relationship and it is your job to get to me." and then she started yelling about my lack of phone again saying I could walk to a pay phone right now but instead I am complaining about this stuff. "This stuff" is what we have been waiting for for two years.

I'm not over reacting, am I ?

I don't even know you and it made me really angry that she said it was your job to get to her. Sure there are two sides to every story, but relationships are all about compromise and she is not compromising one bit. You are bending over backwards to meet up and have already made a lot of sacrifices to see her. She is not willing to come the little bit of distance that's left. Are there any circumstances where she can't meet you? Perhaps a medical condition or no car? Or is she deliberately making you come to her because she feels that's how should be? I'm trying to make sense of her motives for acting this way and I'm not getting it either. Normally I'm an eternal optimist, but I'm not too optimist on this one. I really, really hate to tell you that. She should be jumping at the chance to see you, not putting you through hell by being so stubborn and immature.

[Frankenbat]

none what so ever. She has a car and money and the ability to come and see me. It doesn't even have to be today and I even offered maybe on her next day off if she isn't doing anything and still I get the "you are a man" spew from her. If I had the ability to get to her, I would be there. It's really upsetting me that she is acting like this. I cannot understand it. We waited for so long and I finally made it here and she won't help to close the distance or even meet me halfway. I asked my friend is she could drive me to her but she doesn't have her license yet, I even asked the guy who has been beyond nice to me if we could go see her, and he... well, thinks I am crazy haha, but told me I could give her the address and she could stop by. It's not computing with me, why she doesn't want to see me.
She begged me to come here...

[kittyo9]

"this is misery and I really don't deserve this. I am the woman of this relationship and it is your job to get to me."

I'm soooorrry I'm being so negative ...but holy moly I would dump her ass right then and there.

It is NOT your JOB to get to her. It does not matter whether she is the woman, the man, the sexually confused teenager, what have you. It is BOTH of your jobs to make this relationship work. She isn't putting in ANY effort-- not even to compromise. I'm so sorry she is treating you this way. It really ticks me off that she feels like she has to be the princess-- the "damsel in distress" who has to wait passively to be "saved" by her prince charming.

Prince charming, you deserve a better princess. Pleasepleaseplease see this for what it is. I'm really sorry that she is being this way, but I hope you make the right decision for yourself.

[Tommybat]

I shared this with my SO and we both are wondering if perhaps she has been dropped on her head or something?
You, from what you have told us, have made all of the effort and she cannot do the simple thing of coming to see you to close the distance ?
I, personally, would probably walk away from this. It seems to me and my gf that she is playing games with you. Begging you to come and then not coming to see you and saying you have to go see her when you are skint and injured? Relationships shouldn't be challenges, not like this anyways, I fear that even if you guys did meet up, her behaviour could progress in other ways. Love isn't about testing, love is about loving. Relationships have to be 50/50 or else they begin to fall apart. It seems that you have done 90 and she won't even give you the 10. I'm sorry but this just does not seem worth it to me at all.
If my SO were in my state, I would drop whatever I was doing and go see her. Your SO upsets me... she needs to grow up.
I thought perhaps she is romanticizing and holding you to movie standards? But even then, they usually meet halfway.

I would even probably be a bit suspicious as to of why she refuses to see you. It just does not make sense...
(Fellow bats I see, hahaha ^v^)

[kirbycat]

I agree with everyone else here.

The only possible reason I can think of that might be motivating her actions is that she's freaked out by the reality of a non-physical relationship suddenly becoming physical. But even that is absolutely no excuse for her to treat you so abusively. After all, she wanted you to come! Either that, or there's something going on in her life that she really doesn't want you to know about.

Like Tommybat said, if my SO were able to get to my state - even the other side of the state - I'd drop anything to go meet him.

I'm sorry to say it, but I think you're best off cutting your losses and heading home. If she won't even make the effort to drive across town to see you, or at the very least give you a legitimate explanation of why she can't, then your dedication would be better spent on someone else. At this point, she really doesn't deserve you.

[Frankenbat]

@kittyo9- It's killing me that I came all this way and she is acting like this. I think you are right... If she can't help this out a little bit, then I can't do this...
I would have even of been okay with going to her once I could, if she wasn't telling me that I had to make it really soon or else. I don't know what the or else entitles, but meh.
I'm trying to make myself feel better about this by telling myself at least I tried.

[Frankenbat]

@tommybat - I have to agree. :/ I cannot make any sense of it, this is not how I imagined it would be at all. ^v^

@Kirby - If that is it, the physical thing, then I wish she would tell me that, so I could make her feel better about that any way that I could. I was so nervous on the train ride out here about seeing her so I think I can understand how that feels. I think I am going to head home. This just really sucks

[Brieasaurus]

Have you ever seen her in person or skyped with her? Maybe she lied to you about how she looked which is why she never met you at the train station and is making you jump through all these hoops to see her. I know it's scary the first time you met your SO but this is ridiculous. You need to tell her straight up that if she doesn't make the effort to meet you right away that you're done. You don't deserve this at all. I'm so sorry.