Am I the only one that sometimes have a hard time keeping my emotions in check??

[blueeyes79]

I was wondering if I was the only one who has a hard time sometimes keeping my emotions in check when talking to my SO?? he says that he expects me the way I am...And that if I chaged that It wouldnt be me. But I want to keep my emotions in check I just dont know how too. My biggest fear is I will lose him at some point and i dont want that at all...Or he will regret being with me. HELP!!

[FierceFoxie]

I think it can be hard for people to keep emotions in check depending on what's going on around them. If school is stressful, the family life at home (family illnesses being a real high stress factor), finances or a job you are not necessarily happy at can all make you just feel like you need to let down your guard and show your vulnerability to your SO.

How are you being emotional when talking? Does it have to be with life around you or does it directly deal with talking about your relationship?

[alesitag]

Repressing emotions and feelings will only make you have an emotiobal breakdown and thats gonna be even worse. Just make sure you dont disrespect or hurt your SO while youre letting your feelings out. Take a deep breath and try to set your mind straight before saying anything. It works for me

[Haley53]

Depends on what you mean by keeping your emotions in check. Are you quick to respond (emotionally) to when he miscommunicates something? Are you constantly taking your conversations for a negative spin? There's nothing wrong with being an emotional person assuming it doesn't interfere with the healthy dynamic of your relationship, i.e. you're not lashing out at him or bursting into tears because he said something you took the wrong way or you're not constantly complaining and refusing to even acknowledge that positive conversation exists.

[blueeyes79]

Sometimes it is about the realtionship...But its never anything serious. Like for example last night he was playing video games when we were skyping...and i got upset because he was paying attention to the game. He doesnt do this alot...So what was in my head jumped out of my mouth feet first...But sometimes I also make things bigger in my mind then what they really are. I just hate being this way...Because i really dont wanna lose him at all. He hates fighting so we really never had a fight...not that i like fighting cause i dont but to me fighting sometimes is good. Or am I wrong??

[Haley53]

I think that fighting is healthy, not "good," as in most people fight at some point in their relationship and if they don't, it's likely that one's wishes and needs are being swept under the rug for the sake of keeping the peace. By fighting I don't mean people need to be having screaming matches either; it can be disagreements, even. But if one person is constantly bending over backwards for the other, then there's likely an issue of one being a doormat and getting walked on and therefore neglected (though hey, some people like having someone else make all the decisions and call all the shots ).

I think if your disagreements are genuine, as in you're raising issues that need to be raised, then no, there's nothing wrong with it, but if you're pulling issues out of thin air because you're impulsive with your emotions as to thinking things through (I'm torn on what to think about the games issue. I would be upset if my partner were doing it while we were Skyping as well, but that's because we don't Skype often and it's our definite one-on-one time with each other), then that borders more on unhealthy. If you make issues bigger than they need to be, you're going to pick fights more often than is necessary, and while he may reassure you he's not leaving anywhere, I do think it's an important habit to be mindful of; it's very wearing and emotionally taxing on anyone.

If you find that you're blowing things out of proportion and picking fights or getting upset as a result, then you might need to learn to gain some self-control over those moments. When you start feeling the comments and upset rising in your chest, stomach, throat - wherever you feel it - use that as your cue to "brb" or take your hands off the keyboard, breathe (a few times if need be), and really think about whether it's worth making an issue out of. If you occasionally make mountains of molehills... We all do it, but if it's to the point you're worried about doing it too frequently, then it might be something to consider, learning how to control them. I don't know the frequency of its occurance, but making mountains out of molehills is not, in my opinion, a healthy reason to be fighting, and it is an issue that I would work on correcting because it does get tiring.

[blueeyes79]

I mean we have agruments and disagreements...Like last night i went to bed and i told him i was...i sleeping he wrote me a message and i didnt respond for an hour cause i was sleeping. so he writes back again and said are we ok or should i be worried...he also said he was sorry if he upset me. He is also worried about losing me...I try to keep my emotions in check. it does work sometimes, but other times not so much...I also know that EVERYONE is diffrent.

[Haley53]

Like I said, there's nothing wrong with being an emotional person so long as you're not constantly screaming at the guy or riding his tail over small discretions. :P We're all different but there's a limit to how demanding people should be, I think. But if you're not constantly calling him out and getting upset and angry over little things, then like I said, I don't think you have to worry.

[blueeyes79]

I dont scream at him or anything or i dont hurt him...But sometimes it is small stuff that i get upset about. I know I gotta control that somehow...i like that idea of putting my laptop down when i get emotional. That could work...How do you do it when your SO is in Ireland?? My SO other is only in Boston. And I have hard time sometimes...

[Haley53]

We all have different distance thresholds. There are people here doing it in California and Australia - much further than Ireland! :P I'm not sure how we do it, for the same reason you and your SO, I suppose. We love each other and are committed to making it work and there's little more to it than that. When it comes to keeping my emotions in check, it's not so much that I'm not an emotional person, as I am, but I'm fairly good about communicating them diplomatically 99% of the time, and I also tend not to sweat the small things. I'm confident in our relationship and therefore the only real time I raise issues is when they're, well, bigger, or impacting the health of our relationship.

[blueeyes79]

I do raise issues on small stuff...honestly i dont know why i do...i dont want to do it. but i do anyway...its like i cant keep them to myself. we really havent had any big issues so far...i def have to communciate my emotions in a different manner. I am gonna try what you suggested earlier...i hope that works for me. Thanks for all of your advice...