What if you don't feel like changing your life?

[brazil]

I really don't see myself quitting job and working over in the USA. I don't see myself living in another country and it drives me insane that I found a job in which I'm so happy and stable. I feel great doing it and I'm just so afraid of changing.

I know that if we lived in the US, it'd be a better life with better opportunities for the both of us and to top it all off, she has some things keeping her from moving (personal problems) to my country.

Sometimes I even regret all of this opinion I have that I need stability. It's just what my whole being yearns for and I worked so hard for this job, I went through a lot of tests to be where I am now and although I don't make enough to give myself a good comfortable life on my own, I really don't see myself doing something else.

If this has ever happened to you, how did you cope with all the self-pressure? How did you cope with time expectations? Did you have your SO on your side?

Just looking to venting and maybe brainstorming some ideas....

[FadedSunrise]

Sort of the the situation that split me and my ex.

I am the one who lives in the US, and could not see myself moving(moving back to) his country. The kind of profession I want to pursue-law, is not readily internationally transferrable, and also, my parents helped us move out of that country with their hard work. We definitely have better opportunities here. I was not going to move to where he was, and that much was set.

I honestly don't know if I would have been willing to move had it been any other country. I'd like to think perhaps? But not sure.

He was more willing to be the mover, but it would have been a lot harder for him to do so.

Honestly, I used to cope well with pressure by running and lifting weights, but since I became injured and everything seems to bother my knee, I haven't exactly been coping... He was very supportive about finding a solution, to a point. We both kind of gave up on the relationship and thus I have my current single self.

For you though can you get in try to apply for jobs in the US? It's always possible to apply and say no if you decide that the offers are not what you wanted. I think you shouldn't really see whether or not you see yourself working and living in the US, until you try to apply for positions and then let those offers help you build a concrete image of just what "working and living in the US" is all about. Have you had visits to where she lives?

[brazil]

We met for the first time this JAnuary, but it was a dream visit. I'd saved up a lot of money and took us both to Disney World in Orlando. I've just contacted a company over here that does studying programs. But what I'm really scared is of losing my job and never having the chance of getting it back again... I've always been scared of change.

I was thinking of going back to uni anyway, so this shouldn't hurt. I guess over there I could find a job just to support myself while studying, I mean, that's what international students do, right?

[FadedSunrise]

Oh, you're still a student? Then it will be much easier, in a way. International study programs are abundant and many make it work

[Haley53]

I can see myself relocating, but temporarily. I am too in love with my area, too in love with the people, too close to my family, and simply have too many practical reasons, least of which not being that as a student of psychology and education, my degrees and licensing will not be recognised in Europe. I could do school there, but that would involve a conversion course, which would cost me more money and then make me inelligble to work in the states. Whereas I could work privately under certain limitations, that involves building a list of references, therefore tying me here for a while even after graduation. That said, I am doing a working holiday next year to close the distance with my SO for that long.

He has always been more willing to be the one who would move. From the beginning and at various points in our relationship, he has said he had always expected he would be the one relocating and coming here, to live with me, for some of the reasons I mentioned and for some of his own as well. Sometimes I'm convinced that this is the only reason that we've managed to make it work thusfar. My ex, for example, was not at all willing to think about coming here, to America, even though he told me at one point he might consider studying here, and he wanted me to drop out of school to attend there, which was not at all what I hoped for/planned. I wouldn't even drop out for my current SO. :P However, because we were both so unwilling to relocate, there really was no future in store for either of us. I can't say our relationship was serious enough for that, but had it been, it would have caused problems, so you likely have to be mindful of it, because if neither partner is willing to make the compromise/sacrifice, it can cause problems for the relationship.

As far as studying abroad, my main caution would make sure that your degree is flexible enough that if your relationship didn't work out or that if you chose not to reside permanently in the U.S., you wouldn't be stuck with a degree that's only concurrent with U.S. restrictions, else you may end up investing even more time and money in school back home. Other than that, I can understand being afraid of change and losing a job that you love, but I think the important thing is that this isn't going to be the only job you'll ever love. There will be more, hopefully plenty, and there will be more chances to follow your dreams and get settled in your career. Change can be scary, but it's also what makes life worth living.

[lucybelle]

When my SO first moved in with me (to the USA) he hated living there. He told me he never wanted to leave his home country again. He missed his family, his stable job, his friends, his way of life. About a month before he left, he began warming up to the place. Then 3 months into living together in his country, he's decided he wants to move to the USA. My point is that before he met me, he had never changed anything. He lived in the same place he grew up, with the same friends, the same job (10+ years), the same routine. At first he was extremely uncomfortable being out of this "same-ness", but then he grew to love it. Not saying it will happen to you, but there's a chance it will. So I say go for it! Otherwise you'll always wonder "what if"...

[brazil]

I'm not a student, but I was thinking about it... I'm actually a graduated English and Portuguese teacher...

@lucybelle: how did your boyfriend "create" this opportunity to live with you temporarilly? That's my biggest problem.

[FadedSunrise]

I'm not a student, but I was thinking about it... I'm actually a graduated English and Portuguese teacher...

Oh I'm very sorry for the assumption

I hope you don't take any offense to the a young addled brain's ramblings =x

[brazil]

LOL, no offense taken, I'm still quite young myself and I fell like I should be more adventurous and carefree. I mean, 24 years old, I've lived a lot but still have more than the double to live (according to average death age)

[Manoek]

Why are you scared for change? If I may ask

[Shepard-Fowkes]

The problem with life is that there's no such thing as stability. You can never avoid change, whether it's positive or negative. So...you never know. Maybe today your job is stable, but tomorrow you're unemployed. Maybe today your job is the best one you can get, but tomorrow a better one opens up. I don't mean to frighten you. I only mean to say that life and circumstances change, and you never really know if the path you're on right now has a fork coming up. Keep an open mind! You never know what opportunities might open up.

[lala]

LOL, no offense taken, I'm still quite young myself and I fell like I should be more adventurous and carefree. I mean, 24 years old, I've lived a lot but still have more than the double to live (according to average death age)

hmm I think it depends on your personality and on how you grew up. I'm sure you see many of your friends who risk things who do adventurous stuff and therefore feel bad,cause you are not like them, and you think you are doing something wrong..right?

I'm turning 24 soon and also will become a teacher.. till 22 I've never travelled alone or done something which was not school related. I saw all my friends moving out, travelling around the world,while I was sitting in my room.. then I though: hey I'm in my 20ies.. I won't be any younger.. I don't want to play save my whole life and therefore be unhappy! So I went abroad- which was the best time eeeever!there I got more confident and found out what I really want in life. I also met my SO there. If you want to be happy in life you sometimes must to risk things..
now my SO has a great job which is really good paid, he can't speak my language, so that it won't be possible for him to move here. I will have also a really good job when I finish and I could have a secure life. But will I be happy? maybe, maybe not.. I don't like the area where I'm living and I can't move cause I will have to work there.. There are many other factors which make me think if it would be better to move to another country. of course my family is here and some few friends..but in the end it's not about them. It's about my life! I don't want to regret anything later.. but the only thing which would make me migrate is a ring on my finger lol cause this would give me more security and his promis that he will care for me.

I'm not saying that moving is right for you too. I'm just saying that every person is different. Don't look what others are doing.. concentrate on your wishes!

[Zephii]

The thing is "I don't feel like it" isn't a good enough excuse to give someone you love. You're going to do a lot of things in your life that you don't want to do, that you're afraid of.. That's just how it goes. Luckily a lot of the time life gets better from facing your fear. Not always, but most of the time.

Sometimes, you just have to do it, no matter how terrifying it is
Good luck!

[Jazi]

if your job is the main reason for staying in your country then I would agree with what others have been saying about getting out of your comfort zone and things are always going to change, it's just how life is.

when you're in a committed relationship with someone there will always need to be give/take. If you are too in your comfort zone and simply 'don't want to give up your job' even though you know the opportunities for you both are so much better in your SOs country.. maybe you're not cut out for an LDR of this nature?

Jobs come and go, life changes.. even in the country you were born and breed in you WILL feel out of your comfort zone as your life progresses.

That being said.. I think that when deciding where to live permanently together you need to think of what kind of life each country can provide you, whose family will be the best to be around as a couple? (and later on when you have children, what kind of support will you have?) also if language in the two countries that needs to be taken into account. On my list of factors when deciding.. "who has the best job/wants to keep their current job" is fairly low on the list because people change jobs all the time, sometimes loose their job.. Yes, money and job happiness is important. But you "work to live" not "live to work, correct?

For me and my SO I made it clear how important family was to me.. and for us to be near a great supportive family network. In the beginning (before we even started a relationship and were just friends) I told him how i'd never go LDR again because I selfishly don't want to move and leave my family. Once we started dating I started becoming more open to the idea of moving to the UK for a few years and then (probably) us both moving back to Aus.. But because of the tense situation and complete lack of support from his family we have decided to have him move to Aus to end the distance.. ultimately we have support from my family here and we KNOW they would even have us live with them if we needed, no question. Yes, he will have to give up his job in the UK but he will find one here. he is completely excited about coming here, him and my family get a long so well and he can just see the opportunities for us/our future family. it'll be hard to start with but the good things in life aren't always easy.

So is it really just a job and "i don't want to leave"? maybe you should think about the bigger picture and the future opportunities.

[BlueCat]

I'm honestly terrified of moving to the States. In some ways I know it's quite a simple and logical move and it really won't be all that bad. But I am really, really attached to where I am, it's not even the people to be honest. The environment, the smells and sounds and the look of things. I'm really attached to the arid zone of australia, whenever I'm there I just feel at home and at peace, and florida is just so opposite to that. I'm sure it will be fine, and he's promised me it doesn't have to be for a long time, but it still scares me.