About how long does it take for no contact to work?

[FadedSunrise]

After a breakup I mean.

We broke up nearly 4 months ago, but have only done no contact for about 3 weeks. Simple question being: if I were to begin the process of dropping him from my life forever, in about how long can I expect to go back to no longer considering him someone special?

Why I ask: I got notice I didn't receive the 6 month China scholarship today. Even though the relationship had already been over for months I was extremely devastated, binge ate, and on the verge of crying in public all day. Clearly its not just the scholarship doing that to me...

[lonelyinlove]

I don't think you can really put a time limit on feelings. This was someone you once loved, you can't expect the feelings to just disappear.

Give it time & remember to live your life and try to have fun!

[acrf92]

I've heard that in general it takes about half the length of a relationship to heal from it. For example, if you were together 1 year, it will take about 6 months to get over it. I've found it to be pretty accurate. In regards to my previous, 7 month, relationship. But that was like 3 years ago so... Dunno how relevant that is. Honestly, if someone was a huge part of your life, even if the urge to be with them subsides they'll always be "special" to you. Unless they did something horrific- I'm sure most exes of long-term relationships, you would be hurt if you found out they were hit by a bus the other day, for example. They'll never just mean nothing. Just my opinion though!

[FadedSunrise]

Ah I see.

It was a close to 1 yr relationship, but we never had a single visit, although we met in person before the relationship began because I lived around him for 3 months. I just don't understand how it's possible to feel deeply about a person who I have not spent significant time in person with. It makes no logical sense! What do I even really know about him that he would matter to me...Thus, I'm really perplexed as to why I haven't moved on in like...the month after the breakup, or if not, 2.

[Haley53]

It's different for everyone. With my ex, I cried for a day and then was over it, but the relationship was more or less over by the time we decided to end it. We simply held on for way too long and I decided he deserved that for whatever reason and I managed to process all the "break up" feelings in the last month we spent leading up to cutting contact. However, with the man I liked prior to my ex, we were in touch for three years and I'd say it took a good year to get over him completely.

Three weeks of no contact is still young, really. :/ The wound is fresh enough that certain things are going to be like pouring salt into it. I think the best that you can do is lend yourself understanding, as much as it hurts, and be compassionate to yourself through this process of getting over him.

[FadedSunrise]

A year?? oh shiiiiiiit that's a long time O.O

I guess I will try to be understanding and work on that, but I just have a hard time seeing why it would even be necessary considering that all we did was talk online, nothing sexy sexy, and the only vaguely romantic gestures were a few letters, and a gift each way. What is there to even get over?

[Dziubka]

I don't know if I can quite put down what I'm thinking, but I'm giving it a try.

I feel like there's sort of a pattern with your posts and some of your blog entries. You keep asking how you're supposed to feel, how long you're supposed to feel, how not to feel something, how come others feel something, etc. Obviously, we all need a reality check sometimes and it's ok to ask how others feel in certain circumstances or if what you're feeling is 'normal', but you know what: Humans are not robots. There's no one way you're supposed to feel or you're going to feel. There's no logic about feelings. If you feel something, then that's what you feel and most of the time it's completely legitimate. There's nothing we can do about the way we feel anyway, even if it was one of the rare cases where it really was inappropriate (extreme jealousy or pms-induced the world's ending-sadness).
No one can tell you when you will feel better about your break-up, in fact no one can tell you whether you're ever going to be over it.
You might wake up tomorrow and not think about him all day, or you might still think "what if..." in 30 years (although I guess chances for both of them are pretty slim and reality probably lies somewhere inbetween).

Sometimes relationships that didn't work out are the hardest to get over. There are a lot of "what if's", because you never really got the chance to actually see where things could lead to. When I was 19 I met this sailor guy (I was living abroad in a port city) and from the first second I saw him, I was absolutely smitten. He was probably the most handsome man I had seen and he came from some place not far from where I was from - his accent sounded like home. I was seriously head over heels for this guy. So he was in my city for like two weeks because their ship went through some general overhaul thing, and we met up a few times which were pure magic, but then he had to leave and we exchanged a few more mails and that was it. I kept thinking about him literally for years. Thinking that if we ever met up again, I would drop everything there and then and follow him whereever. Logic tells me that I would never win a man whose heart -as clichee as it sounds- belongs to the sea, I'm not cut out for that.
Anyway, with time I thought of him less and less and the happier I became with the life I was leading, the less I thought of him. I still sometimes wonder what would have happened, had we stayed in touch, but no more than I think about what my life would be like if I had chosen a different major or if I were a guy (that is to say only when I'm having too much time or some kind of mini-crisis).

What I'm trying to say is: We don't know. No one knows, because there's no normal or logical way to feel. Neither for our happiness nor for sadness. Give yourself all the time you need. Be sad if you feel sad, be angry if you feel angry, but don't forget that there's things to be happy about. Go out with friends, do what makes you feel good. Go on with your life and see where it takes you

[lucybelle]

My first heartbreak was when I was 19. We had been in a relationship for over a year and the break up came out of nowhere. I was hurt for YEARS afterwards. Two years after the break up, he called and apologized to me about how everything happened after realizing "how messed up it was". But it wasn't enough. I think it took me until I could replace him fully before I really truly got over him. I wasn't thinking about him every day, but I hated seeing him and his new gf put pictures on facebook and such. Now we can have a pleasant chat once every other month or so, and it doesn't sting anymore. So I'd say... 3 years or so until I really got over him.

[snow_girl]

We don't know. No one knows, because there's no normal or logical way to feel. Neither for our happiness nor for sadness. Give yourself all the time you need. Be sad if you feel sad, be angry if you feel angry, but don't forget that there's things to be happy about. Go out with friends, do what makes you feel good. Go on with your life and see where it takes you

Dziubka said it. Everyone deals with things differently, I've gotten over some exes the next day and others took a very long time.

[Moon]

You aren't going to wake up one day and suddenly be over him, those feelings fade with time, until you realize eventually that it doesn't feel so bad anymore. As everyone has said, there's no time frame for it. You might binge eat over him again next week, or never, you just can't know. Keep yourself occupied and most importantly, maintain the "no contact", you will start to feel better.

[LoveJ]

Being able to say exactly how long it'll take you to get over someone isn't something you can predict; it all depends on how long you were together, how hard the breakup was, how much you cared about each other, etc. It could take a day. It could take a year. The first step is cutting that contact. After that, you start focusing on you again, and stop associating them with anything in your life. Once that happens, getting over someone can be pretty quick if you're ready to.