I read an article once that said something along the lines of: now-a-days Facebook related issues are cited in 30% of divorce cases (something like that. My percentage is likely off but you get the idea). Well, I thought I should post about Facebook in LDRs. And my experience since it’s apparently a growing epidemic amongst LDRs and CDRs alike.
My SO had a Facebook account for a few years before I ever came along. I, on the other hand, did not create one until the summer after high school graduation— I figured it was a good way of staying in contact with friends even though we were all going our separate ways to college. Well, up until then (for about 7 months prior) I had been sharing my SO's account with him. I had a security reason for not creating one of my own before the time that I did (past restraining order against an ex and didn’t want to be traceable on the internet). So, he was generous enough to allow me access to his so I could get the hang of the technology and communicate with friends and classmates for group projects etc.
That was all fine.
Well, since I created my account right after high school it was also right before we entered the LD aspect of our relationship; which naturally puts a large strain on things. We found that our accounts were sparking many fights between us. We were getting jealous about how many people of the opposite sex the other was adding. We were getting upset over pictures being posted, “friends’” posting on one another’s “walls” etc. was all adding fire to our new flame of doubt and insecurity cast by the new distance between us. It was immature and all based on our lacking communication and trust.
We let this go on for about 1.75 years (unfortunately) of our LDR before I finally told him I thought we should delete our accounts—together. I had tried to break the notorious Facebook addiction many times myself but always found myself reactivating as doubt crept back into my mind due to the fact that his account was still active. OR since I had access to his account, I would just log in to his—completely defeating the purpose of deleting my account. He, surprisingly, agreed readily to deleting it. He said he rarely used it anymore and only to keep in touch for work related activities.
We deleted our accounts towards the beginning of March. I don’t think he has reactivated at any point. I have, maybe twice, to retrieve pictures but then I deactivated (and he knew when I did). It sucks having all your pictures stored that way basically! Anyways, I found that deleting them together allowed me to break the addiction. It was something I just couldn’t do alone. And honestly, it was affecting OUR relationship so greatly in such a negative way it only made sense for us to both cut the cord.
I found it unspeakably supportive when he was willing to make the break together. I thought it spoke volumes to our dedication to making our relationship better and healthier. And it has. We don’t have petty arguments over stupid insecurities nearly as much as before… It’s really obsolete. He agrees it has helped our relationship tremendously. I know it has helped my school work! Less ability to procrastinate! What had kept me from suggesting it before for so long was I didn’t want to be seen as trying to cut contact between him and his friends and I also didn’t want to give that up myself, but I realized if someone is in my life they have my phone number and other means of contacting me. I don’t need Facebook to maintain my list of acquaintances guised as “friends” and I don’t need “relationship statuses” looking me in the face every time we get in an argument. I don’t need people who know nothing about my relationship thinking they have a right to pass judgment on it and gossip about it. But when you have a Facebook account and make it visible to them, you can’t point fingers. You put it up someone will look!
I just wanted to say, that for me and my LDR it was one of the best decisions we made—to delete our Facebook accounts together. It eliminates a lot of miscommunications and unnecessary doubts in LDRs that can be created by a mere photo post or comment or status update. It cuts down on the jealousy factor for me at least. I am quite the green-eyed-monster… And besides all those relationship pros, it makes me more productive overall in school and work. I also don’t have to be exposed to immature gossip or people plastering their opinions where they’re not asked for! I guess overall, I’ve just outgrown the whole concept and it’s been all to the benefit of my relationship.
I suggest you give it a try too if you find yourself experiencing the all too common relationship issues exacerbated by the advent of Facebook!
My SO had a Facebook account for a few years before I ever came along. I, on the other hand, did not create one until the summer after high school graduation— I figured it was a good way of staying in contact with friends even though we were all going our separate ways to college. Well, up until then (for about 7 months prior) I had been sharing my SO's account with him. I had a security reason for not creating one of my own before the time that I did (past restraining order against an ex and didn’t want to be traceable on the internet). So, he was generous enough to allow me access to his so I could get the hang of the technology and communicate with friends and classmates for group projects etc.
That was all fine.
Well, since I created my account right after high school it was also right before we entered the LD aspect of our relationship; which naturally puts a large strain on things. We found that our accounts were sparking many fights between us. We were getting jealous about how many people of the opposite sex the other was adding. We were getting upset over pictures being posted, “friends’” posting on one another’s “walls” etc. was all adding fire to our new flame of doubt and insecurity cast by the new distance between us. It was immature and all based on our lacking communication and trust.
We let this go on for about 1.75 years (unfortunately) of our LDR before I finally told him I thought we should delete our accounts—together. I had tried to break the notorious Facebook addiction many times myself but always found myself reactivating as doubt crept back into my mind due to the fact that his account was still active. OR since I had access to his account, I would just log in to his—completely defeating the purpose of deleting my account. He, surprisingly, agreed readily to deleting it. He said he rarely used it anymore and only to keep in touch for work related activities.
We deleted our accounts towards the beginning of March. I don’t think he has reactivated at any point. I have, maybe twice, to retrieve pictures but then I deactivated (and he knew when I did). It sucks having all your pictures stored that way basically! Anyways, I found that deleting them together allowed me to break the addiction. It was something I just couldn’t do alone. And honestly, it was affecting OUR relationship so greatly in such a negative way it only made sense for us to both cut the cord.
I found it unspeakably supportive when he was willing to make the break together. I thought it spoke volumes to our dedication to making our relationship better and healthier. And it has. We don’t have petty arguments over stupid insecurities nearly as much as before… It’s really obsolete. He agrees it has helped our relationship tremendously. I know it has helped my school work! Less ability to procrastinate! What had kept me from suggesting it before for so long was I didn’t want to be seen as trying to cut contact between him and his friends and I also didn’t want to give that up myself, but I realized if someone is in my life they have my phone number and other means of contacting me. I don’t need Facebook to maintain my list of acquaintances guised as “friends” and I don’t need “relationship statuses” looking me in the face every time we get in an argument. I don’t need people who know nothing about my relationship thinking they have a right to pass judgment on it and gossip about it. But when you have a Facebook account and make it visible to them, you can’t point fingers. You put it up someone will look!
I just wanted to say, that for me and my LDR it was one of the best decisions we made—to delete our Facebook accounts together. It eliminates a lot of miscommunications and unnecessary doubts in LDRs that can be created by a mere photo post or comment or status update. It cuts down on the jealousy factor for me at least. I am quite the green-eyed-monster… And besides all those relationship pros, it makes me more productive overall in school and work. I also don’t have to be exposed to immature gossip or people plastering their opinions where they’re not asked for! I guess overall, I’ve just outgrown the whole concept and it’s been all to the benefit of my relationship.
I suggest you give it a try too if you find yourself experiencing the all too common relationship issues exacerbated by the advent of Facebook!
I don't know how me or my boyfriend communicating with our friends can be an issue in our relationship.
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