Guys, I need your advice and help!

[ice06]

Jason and I met online last November 4, 2011. He is from Seattle and I am from the Philippines. Last February of this year he went here to visit. We totally enjoyed each other's company, had fun, and found that special "spark". He wanted me to go visit him there January of next year, so we decided to get my tourist visa this coming September. I knew and I feel positive about being able to get it though most people say getting a US visa from the Philippines is as hard as hell. I am positive because we have all the supporting documents needed. But last Wednesday, a major turn of events took place. i was laid off from my job. I know this will affect my visa application because chances are, they wouldn't give me the tourist visa because I have no job. Plus, how can I save up for half of the plane ticket if I am jobless? (we agreed we both pay the ticket in half)

Anyway, first of all, he doesn't want the idea of getting a fiance visa for me yet. He said he wants me to meet his family first and solidify our relationship. But the problem is, it will not be that easy since the situation that has been happening these days seem not to agree with our plans. I just feel bad. I feel like I am begging him to agree to the fiance visa. I know it is not easy for him because he might think I might just use him to get there. And that thought was really very painful on my part because I thought that we already know and trust each other. I just thought he is willing to give up everything for me as much as I am willing to give up everything for him.

When I lost my job, I felt like I will slowly lose him too and I don't want that to happen. I still want to be with him and spend my life with him forever. What shall I do? I am confused and depressed at times because I feel like I will not be able to go there on January next year. I tried to forget about the idea of Marriage, about going to Seattle and about our other plans, but it's not that easy to forget when it's the only thing I've ever wanted. I know you guys know how hard it is to spend your life waking up everyday without that special person by your side and waiting for the day when you will be together again, seems like waiting forever.

[frompanthertomustang]

First of all, I'm very sorry you lost your job

Is the job market where you live very bad? Would it be impossible to find another (perhaps temporarily) to help in paying for your visa? I'm sure the plane ticket will be expensive... that's great that you're both paying for half. I definitely agree with you that it may be a little early to get a fiance visa (seeing when your relationship began) but that's totally up to you and your SO. I understand that he wants you to meet his family and get a feel for his life before you get engaged, but I'm so sorry you two have to go through this! It seems as if there all always visa troubles on LFAD

[lala]

oooh sweety!I am sorry for your lost.. why don't you apply for another job.. if you get one soon, you will be able to save some money!in the end when you don't have the half you could ask him to pay a bit more and you could pay him back. or ask your family or friends to help you out!
If I would be you I would also try everything to get to see him. But a fiance visa would be too risky and I would feel bad about asking him. If he would ask the ok.. I can also understand why people might think you just use him to get to the US.. there are soo many prejudices.
Just try to fins a job as soon as possible.

[ice06]

First of, thank you frompanthertomustang and lala. Well as of now it's really kind of hard to look for a job here. Competition is very tight. But yes, i guess I just have to try hard to find a job, and maybe avoid talking about the visa first because everytime we talk about the visa, we just argue. And I feel bad when he tells me he doesn't want the fiance visa yet, so I try to just forget about it. But I don't know how to avoid feeling hurt everytime. And now, we barely talk at all just to avoid fighting.. Cause I know that you know how badly it hurts when you fight while you are so distant.

[lala]

ooh sure sweety! LD is really hard!! So you see that a fiance visa is not an option.. if I were you I wouldn't talk about it anymore but try to find another way. Like you said concentrate to find a job.. and try to talk to him as much as you can- I'm sure you guys will find the best solution!!!

[Haley53]

I wouldn't be too hard on either of you about the fiance visa. You've known (not dated, but known) one another for 6 months. While I don't want to doubt the connection you both felt and shared, 6 months is not that long to be together, especially when not all of it has been spent with one another in person. There are a lot of people, both in LD and CD relationships, who decide by the 6 month mark that they're with their forever, and it doesn't always happen, so while I can see where you might feel hurt or disappointed, I also think you're taking his rejection of the idea a bit too personally. :/

I have been together with my SO for over a year, and we've been dating for almost a year and a half (we were dating/exclusive before making things official). I know very much that in this moment, I want to spend my life with that man. He's incredible, and he amazes me on a daily basis, and yet still, if he were to propose to me tomorrow, I would probably feel a little bit shy about saying yes. We haven't lived together. We haven't spent more than a month in person together. We're both young. I simply feel like we're not in a place to get married, either individually (may not apply to you, as I believe you said you're 33?) or relationship-wise. While not everyone would consider a year too young a relationship to get engaged, 6 months, while it might work for some, is a significant risk. He said it himself, he wants you to meet his parents, see his hometown, experience what life is like for him there. I would guess it's more about that than his being convinced you want him for the greencard.

That being said, I would stop focusing so much on what's not going to happen (I would guess you'll only end up straining your relationship with him further by pushing the fiance visa that he's obviously expressed not being ready for) and focus on what you can do in the meantime. I would be real with him. Tell him you are going to be looking for a job, tell him you're sending out various applications, etc. but you might need his help in paying more of the ticket money (which you would pay back) OR you might want to think about alternative options, such as turning to friends and family or such as him going there again. I would work on figuring out what you can do for your situation, not on how you can convince him to marry you because a visit didn't pan out as planned.

[Jazi]

I completely agree with Eclaire, she couldn't have put it any better.

I think 6 months maybe is enough to start thinking 'I would like to marry this person.. someday' but actually being hurt that your boyfriend isn't ready for a fiance visa after 6 months? you've got to think about how you're making him feel by putting this pressure on him too. He obviously would be shattered that you can't come to visit where he lives and meet his family. Losing your job is a major setback for you BOTH.

There is absolutely no need to rush into marriage! You want him to propose or agree to be your fiance based on LOVE and commitment to you, when he is ready for it.. not because a few things have gone badly. you two are an LDR couple and we all know that us LDR couples overcome crazy odds and bad luck, yes it sucks but you will work around this setback and find a happy outcome if you both keep level headed and focus in the right direction.

I think looking for another job would be a good idea. September is still awhile away and you have plenty of time between now and then to secure yourself another job. or maybe you have to put off your trip to seattle a little longer.. He could come visit you again if you both are finding it hard to be apart for so long until you can get a trip to seattle sorted.

goodluck

[ice06]

Thank you guys, Eclaire and Jazi.. I can't believe I was crying while reading your responses. I guess I just miss him so badly and wanted to be with him the soonest, but yeah, I think I have to wait, be patient and grow more in love for him. After all I have to think positively, that it will all work out in the end if we both work and fight for it together. For now, yes. I think I'll focus on finding a new job first, then after that everything will follow. I'll learn to forget marriage first...as of now.

Wish me luck in my job haunting days

[Zapookie]

Have you considered trying for a US working holiday visa?

[13000km]

Many times, during the visa application they ask to see your bank statements and use how much you have in savings as a judge of whether or not you have the intent to leave the US after your visit. The job gives you some sort of connection to your home country, which is also important to them. If you have certain responsibilities that keep you in the Philippines for an extended period of time you can ask your supervisor/whoever's in charge to write a letter saying you have such and such responsibilities that require your return in the near future.

[Softy]

I wont said much as again the wise words of Eclaire have been heard

But I just want to say that I understand how you feel.
I lost my job 2 months ago and it did crush me.
To see our SO is a thing we hold on dear and well... when a problem like this occurs it's harsh.
I do feel like like i fail somehow and that it's pushing back the opportunity to see my SO.

I wont lie, some days I just cry and think: 'how am I going to do this?'.
Some days I'm fine and I go to interviews with a smile on my face telling myself 'I can do this, it's for my SO and I'.

And well, what helps me is my SO's words, he keep saying 'it's ok and we will make it'.
I do believe that no matter how high is the mountain of issues, I can climb the world to be with him again.
It may take longer than we thought, but we will make it and it will be worth it.

So, keep strong ok?
Don't give up on your couple, don't give up on yourself

/hugs