Honeymoon's Over

[TwoThree]

This thread made me come to the realization that we probably were over the honeymoon phase even before we met in real life. The first few months of our "virtual" relationship were at the same time amazing and difficult. By the time I first went to visit him we were already in the comfort zone. However it's not until a year or so ago that things have found a more reasonable rythm. We used to be in touch pretty much every waking hour. We'd constantly exchange emails when at work, and when we'd get home we'd switch to instant messaging or Skype, and of course there would be text messages and phone calls in between.

Since I moved to a new place (almost a year ago) where I still haven't been able to get an internet connection (strange how quickly I got used to that), our time online has been reduced to office email exchange (sometimes we wouldn't even have that as he'd have to work outside). We'd still text or call each other sometimes, every other day, and we try to have a Skype session at least once a week, but we're left with free evenings, and I think that's pretty healthy for our relationship. I really don't mind doing my own thing, and I encourage him to go out more with friends because he has a tendency to want to stay in by himself and that can't be very good for his morale.

[marbear31]

I don't think ours has ever quite ended/will end? I still get butterflies every time I think about him! As we've progressed in our relationship, I've become much more aware of my feelings--it's almost as if I can step outside of myself, and realize what I am feeling in that moment, if that makes sense. :P I am aware of him at all times, in the deepest part of myself--it's as if I carry him with me, always--but there are equal times of hurtling passion and contented care. I NEVER want to stop being aware of my feelings for my SO, because I think that's what helps me express my deepest and truest affections toward him. I think one of life's greatest tragedies is not being in touch with your feelings, not being aware of caring for someone, and I vowed that when I got into a serious relationship, I would never lose sight of my partner or myself, and always be honest and true with my feelings. I think our mutual abilities to do that with ourselves and each other is one of the greatest strengths of our relationship.

[lala]

same thing here.. I could not even describe what a honeymoon phase is.
We were 4 months cd and developped from friends to lovers.. there were a lot sparkles and butterflies in the beginning, but as I had to leave and we both were in a strange mood we had some argues..and now we are almost a year LD and there are still momets were I get a butterflies when I chat with him.. I can't say if I'm still in this phase or not.

[Kerry]

I've been with my SO for almost a year and we haven't left the honeymoon stage yet. I am spending the entire summer with him so we'll see if we're still in this stage at the end of August! it will also be the most time we've spent together.

[SDPersona]

I find it really difficult to discern if we're still in the honeymoon stage or if we're in the process of getting to another stage that I can't name. We've been a couple for a year and three months already and we got a lot of talking done, even very serious ones. There are some times where I've been getting annoyed with him and I think it might be the same for him, but I don't really know. He never says if he's ever angry at me or something. Might have to make that a discussion some night. Also, I've been feeling that I on some days when I'm stressed I really don't want to talk to him. Have some me-time, you know? I guess, that's mostly what makes me think we're on the way to the next stage, but I'm not convinced. Mainly because we haven't had sex yet! Guys, do you think that it'd be possible to not be in honeymoon phase if you haven't had sex with each other??? I can't help but think that sex is an integral part in the honeymoon phase....

[Haley53]

@SDPersona - I don't believe that sex and the honeymoon stage are linked at all. Sex is about love, it's about connection, and passion stems from that love and connection. Although the honeymoon stage is exciting, because you're getting to learn more about one another and connect on an intimate level, I believe one can be out of the honeymoon stage and still experience honeymooner type feelings when having sex. Sex in itself is also exciting and about exploration; every time you're with a new partner, whether it's your first time having sex or your last, you're learning about someone else's body and soul and what makes them tick. I don't think sex is a requirement for the honeymoon stage at all and quite frankly, I have to say that the deeper levels our relationship reached, evident in our last visit, made sex that much more amazing.

[WakeUpSusie]

I actually really like the post honeymoon stage! At first I had a hard time transitioning because I thought that leaving the honeymoon stage meant that our relationship was dwindling, but I learned that wasn't the case. I love the comfortableness between us, and the ability we have to coexist in the same living space with no (major) issues. The honeymoon stage with all its emotional rush was fun and exciting, but I'm really a laid back person and I love the comfortable ease we have with each other. I love just hanging out in the same room reading a book while he plays video games, or when he comes to bed and snuggles up next to me while I'm sleeping. It's just so easy between us. We've also been together six years, which helps. I think our honeymoon stage lasted about a year, maybe a bit more.

Rugger, learn to recognize and embrace the change for what it is. This is a good thing. Don't let negative thoughts about this change affect your relationship with your SO. This is a natural and healthy change, even if it doesn't feel like it all the time!

[Malaga]

I feel like it goes in circles? we went through the honeymoon for the first, say, 6 months, then we got comfortable. Communication was good and we had lovely moments too, but it was a change from how it used to be, more of an understated but reliable affection. In hindsight it was lovely but at the time I was panicked we were distancing. Currently it feels like going through honeymoon again in a way. It's gushing and excitement similar to how it was in the beginning, but with added sense of security. It's hard to explain but it is a nice feeling

I'm not the best example to go by because I'm an anxious person and we never really get out of the honeymoon stage. The butterflies never stopped for me and it made me insecure when it seemed like it did for him. My boyfriend's the secure type, he's the one who's basically leading us through cycles, and I'm adapting.

[BlackRoseOpal]

I actually left the honeymoon stage VERY quickly simply because we came to the halting horror that it would be almost impossible to communicate while he was in college (I know some people know this, but his college is ludicrously difficult and demanding). So I had to pick myself up, dust myself off and focus on my own school work and talk to him whenever I could.
We never had sex or anything, so it's not like it was THAT kind of honeymoon phase (which basically lasted a week max). Although there was some heavy making out going on :-P

[lucybelle]

I guess I don't see a big difference between our relationship now and our relationship a year ago. I'm sure we're no longer in a "honeymoon phase" because I recently had to sew up his underwear. But, we still are lovey dovey and cutesy and do sweet things randomly for each other. That's just his personality. He likes to show affection and take me out to dinner, open the car door for me, things like that. At the same time, I don't care when he goes out and gets drunk with his friends, and he doesn't mind taking me shopping. I guess we're in the "comfort-honey" phase?

[Haley53]

I guess I don't see a big difference between our relationship now and our relationship a year ago. I'm sure we're no longer in a "honeymoon phase" because I recently had to sew up his underwear. But, we still are lovey dovey and cutesy and do sweet things randomly for each other. That's just his personality. He likes to show affection and take me out to dinner, open the car door for me, things like that. At the same time, I don't care when he goes out and gets drunk with his friends, and he doesn't mind taking me shopping. I guess we're in the "comfort-honey" phase?

See, what's funny is I actually see the honeymoon phase differently? xD A few people have said they're still in it because they still get butterflies over 90+% of what's said/done or because they're still lovey dovey with one another. No, my boyfriend's and my conversations aren't 100% soppy sappy anymore, but we're still affectionate. We still have very intimate moments. I still get butterflies. We both do sweet and caring things for one another, and the same is true for being in person. I simply don't have a need to be glued to my computer anymore and am building more of my own life and we're both comfortable with it. I felt like, for me, the honeymoon stage was where we wanted to be around each other all day all the time. I couldn't even go for a walk without dreaming of and talking about him to my mother, for example. Everything was new and exciting and I was absolutely stupid-giddy, and it's not like that anymore. It's more comfortable. I know we have a solid relationship and I can go to a 2-hour class without panicking that it's going to fall apart or without feeling any sort of obsessive need to talk with him, even if he's still the first I want to tell about it. I still get butterflies. I simply don't associate butterflies or high affection levels with the honeymoon stage. xD