New & need support system

[monkerluv]

So my SO were living together from Feb to May, his parents told me I needed to get out so they kicked me out. I didn’t know that his dad’s name was on the apartment that we were living in and not his. My So and I have been through so much. Before he and I were officially together I had gotten pregnant by someone else but had no idea I was pregnant until after SO and I got together. So I had an abortion and my SO was there and supportive through the whole thing. But his parents told me I needed to move out even though I was paying half the bills and part of the rent and most of the food.

I moved out of his apartment on 5/5 and its just been so hard. The whole time I have all my friends around telling me that this isn’t going to work. My SO and I had agreed that once I had my own place he would move up to me and we would live up here. My mom let me move back in with her until I can get my own feet on the ground and get my own place and such. So we made this agreement that he would move up. The whole time I keep telling myself that everything will work out but my friends don’t believe it. Even worse they got me thinking he will cheat on me even though he has repeatedly told me that he won’t. He wants us to get married and to be together forever. But since I moved away, he hasn’t called or texted me. I am trying to figure out if I had done something wrong, is he just distancing himself to adjust to the fact that I don’t live with him anymore or is he pulling away from me because he is changing his mind about making this long distance thing work?

I am terrified and I would love to hear what you guys say or think. I would love to have a support system with you guys because honestly I am just freaking out right now and I hate not getting to see him every day. Before I moved he promised that we would talk all the time and yet he hasn't even called and when I try to call he doesn't pick up?

[Haley53]

I posted on the venting thread, but I'll post in more detail here.

Give him some time. It's been two days. Two days. That's 48 hours. I understand he promised to talk with you, "all the time," even (though this isn't realistic for anyone in a long-distance situation, or most, anyway) but you have to understand that everything you're feeling in relation to your leaving, he's likely feeling too. :/ You're not the only one in this situation. You're not the only one having to deal with not getting to see him everyday. You're not the only one dealing with fears and insecurities about what the distance might mean for your relationship. He needs understanding, because while it's easy for him to promise before/during your move that he can keep in touch with you all day every day, he's likely not going to expect what it's like to be hit with the emotions that come from going long-distance. I understand you want to talk with him, but you really need to calm down and not listen to the people telling you he's going to cheat or inflicting you with their own stigma about LDRs. Either don't discuss your relationship or assert yourself. There have been times I have had to say to people that I understand their opinions are based off their knowledge/experiences but can they keep them to themselves because they really don't apply to my relationship. You cannot let people's opinions infuse this much insecurity or it will drive you insane. :/

He's currently getting used to everything you are, getting used to missing you, and he's going to have to get used to this new method of communication too. Communicating in a LDR is different to communicating in a CDR. It's not impossible to learn, but it can sometimes take time. Either way, a move is hectic. The emotions are probably running high. Condemning him for not calling you within two days and deciding it's for some ill-minded reason is jumping to conclusions far sooner than you should be, and quite frankly, reacting this way to this situation... If it sets a pattern, it will put strain on your relationship. My opinion is give him some time. It takes time to get used to not seeing one another, especially after living together. It takes time to adjust after every visit for people who haven't lived together yet. :P I would say give it a month at most, two weeks at least, before laying into him about this being a problem. It's all new for you but it's all new for him too.

Welcome to LFAD though!

[Jazi]

when things suddenly change when you weren't expecting it to (being kicked out for instance) it always takes a little time to adjust not only physically but mentally, you need time to settle into the new mind set of 'ok.. we don't live together FOR NOW, we will get through this'

it is so very easy to jump into panic mode (which is what you're doing) you need to chill, realise he is going through this change just as much as you are, yes it is different and something you will have to work through.. but you have to be mindful not to but extra strain and pressure on him/your relationship just because something hasn't gone according to plan.

Also, a lot of people don't seem to understand LDRs, I've had some people say some very rude things and well, I've told them where they can go with those comments (to put it nicely). You and your SO know your relationship best, not some outsider who doesn't understand or believe in it.

[monkerluv]

So I am trying so hard to not worry about any of this and to keep myself busy but I just can't seem to get him off of my mind. I have stopped trying to call or text him and instead I am just writing him a letter and putting them in a box and I will send them maybe later or when he comes back around. His mom has kept in daily contact with me and she keeps telling me to hang on and to be patient with him and everything will work out. I feel like I can trust me but at the same time not being able to talk to him is killing me and when we did talk well text yesterday he was thinking I was trying to start a fight with him when I wasn't. I am trying to be strong and trying to let him have his space but it seems like whenever he does, he reverts back to his single life and what is worse I am afraid he is on his online dating sites.

[efish1042]

Breathe! It will all work out the way it's supposed to. Obsessing over it like this will only make things worse. And when it comes down to it, you need to be happy with yourself on your own before you can be happy with him, too. So try to work on that while you're trying to work things out with him, okay? It will be fine. If you're meant to be and you both truly believe it, nothing can stop you. So relax

[lonelyinlove]

I don't really have much advice. Just wanted to Welcome! & believe me, you're definitely not in this situation alone. Everything will work out for the best....

[monkerluv]

- efish1042 - thank you for telling me that. I am working on that now. I have found out that i have been stressing myself way too much so I am just trying to teach myself how to relax again. I have been focusing on just one thing at a time so instead of worrying about him and us, I have been worrying about finding a job. It has helped me out a little bit but whenever I do worry or think about him i just simply write him a letter instead so I get it out of my head and not worrying about it.

- lonelyinlove - Thank you also. A lot of people have been telling me to walk away from him because of his health conditions but I just can't. I love hearing people say that everything will work out for the best because I hope that the best is what it is that I have in my mind. I know his mom constantly tells me that I have nothing to worry about because he has never been this serious or this way with any other girl before. So I guess I just need to let go and believe.

UPDATE
Well yesterday he finally started to talk to me. It wasn't that long. It was mostly just a 10 minute phone call. But just hearing his voice sounded amazing and put me at ease. I have been sending him letters and other little things to help him out and let him know that he is on my mind. He told me before I moved that he was worried I would find someone else up here and I told him that he is crazy and that I would be too busy thinking about him than finding someone else.

I can't wait until he and i are talking again like we did before I moved in. Before I moved in with him he and I would be on the phone for about 5 hours. So now I am just hoping and praying that I will get those phone calls back again.

Just wondering does anyone have any low cost hobbies or ideas on what can keep me busy or keep my mind occupied. I have been trying to figure that out but i have been failing miserably at it. I greatly appreciate everything that you guys do and the support and suggestions you give.