am i being mean?

[megfashion]

just wanted a second opinion on this.

so the SO and i had a huge fall out. everything was brought up (and i mean everything). we had a whole week of practically ignoring each other for the day, then the evening we talked things out. that went on and on and on.

yesterday, we talked even more. he was honest with me, i was honest with him.

so we have made up.

(by the way, thats the really shortened version. as i said, it had been going on for a very long time)


i mean we are together..... i spose... we say i love you sometimes, and talk much more, n seem to get along again after the massive bust up. we are communicating better....

bt i dont want to put it on facebook that we are dating.

when people ask if we are dating again, i say "well its abit here and there at the moment, its abit of yes and no".
when mum asked today i said the same thing, n also that im not going to do anything on facebook relationship wise till he is back here n we can properly discuss (thatll be about may 28th-ish).

he said last night "oh but on facebook we are still single"
and well i paused and told him i dont really want to put it on there yet... that was kind of the end of it (it wasnt a bad ending, it was just that we were both tired and wanted sleep).


am i being mean? should i put it on fb that we are "dating" again? i mean, i suppose we are dating again... i dont know why but i am a little reluctant.



ugh.

maybe one of you people will tell me how im feeling because ive no idea!

so am i being mean to him by not saying "in a relationship" on fb?



thanks.
-.-

p.s i know its trivial, but he said in the past fb is important to him (oh this generation :P ) so if it isnt right on there he doesnt feel right

thanks

[snow_girl]

If your thing is right saying you've been in a relationship since 2009 I don't think it is fair to him to say you are 'here and there, yes and no' when it comes to being in a relationship. If it is such a trivial thing to you but means a lot to him I don't see why not put it on fb. I do understand that fb shouldn't define a relationship but it seems to matter a lot to him. Why are you hesitant to putting it on fB?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Oh I hate Facebook.

However, I get why people want to be 'in a relationship'.

Ok, to understand why your SO wants it on facebook, you have to stop thinking of this as being about Facebook. What it's really about is you being unwilling to openly admit that you are in a relationship with him. If your understanding is that you are together, and his understanding is that you are both together, why aren't you happy admitting that you guys are together?

From his perspective, it looks like you're agreeing to be together, reluctantly. Secretly. And if that's not how you want him to see it, you've got to do something about it.

[Sano]

I hate Facebook too, especially for Long Distance Relationships.

It seems like eventually someone's going to post something and the other person is going to see it and get jealous or upset before they can even explain it. Then too, people get carried away checking each other status updates and obsessing over "hey who is that person sending you those flirty messages on your wall" ... ugh it just creates unnecessary drama. Im glad my SO doesn't have a facebook page.
In my opinion you may want to look at it from his prespective. If he tells you that facebook is really important to him, wouldn't you want him to feel better about it? Is it that you dont want your friends or family to see that you are together. It does seem like you kinda sorta want to be with him but not openly.

Even though my SO doesn't have a facebook page so I can't link him to my page. I still have a status that says "In a relationship" but that was just my decision to do it. You could change your relationship status to private or there's a way where only he can see it, if you just dont want everybody else to know.

[Sano]

In a way, it seems like you already know if you're going to add it in your status or not. I dont see what the big deal is.

[LoveJ]

Until you're confident and secure in your relationship and actually know where things stand, why does anything need to be on Facebook immediately? Is it an ultimatum to put something up there?

[megfashion]

Until you're confident and secure in your relationship and actually know where things stand, why does anything need to be on Facebook immediately? Is it an ultimatum to put something up there?

well thats what i think.

i want to be in a relationship with him, but i dont know whether i want to broadcast to the public that we are together again. in my head i just think that we may still be unstable, and i want to be really sure that we are ok again. if that makes sense?

it doesnt say im single on facebook, dont worry, but it doesnt really say much else.

its important to him, yes, but from our descussion last night i think he sees where i am coming from.

i dont know, i dont know why these thoughts are in my head. i should be able to just go ahead and be public, but its just facebook. we know that we are together, my close friends at school know we are together, so why is facebook such a big deal.

*frustration*

[CandiCandi]

Oh I hate Facebook.

However, I get why people want to be 'in a relationship'.

Ok, to understand why your SO wants it on facebook, you have to stop thinking of this as being about Facebook. What it's really about is you being unwilling to openly admit that you are in a relationship with him. If your understanding is that you are together, and his understanding is that you are both together, why aren't you happy admitting that you guys are together?

From his perspective, it looks like you're agreeing to be together, reluctantly. Secretly. And if that's not how you want him to see it, you've got to do something about it.

This.

I think if you're reluctant to put it there, there's definitely a deeper reasoning. I've been the person who was hidden before. My SO right now was ecstatic to do the Facebook change with me last year. However, I've been with people who wouldn't do it on other social networks pre-Facebook, just to find out there was a reason they weren't announcing it. They were cheating and I am not saying you are but what I AM saying is honestly, it sounds like you're afraid of the commitment (despite being together for so long), not the Facebook status change. I think it's a good thing your SO wants to show your relationship off to Facebook. It means he wants people to know what you've got together.
ADDED

I replied before reading this (the thing about you talking about the stability). I guess I can kind of see where you're coming from. As long as you're not saying you're Single, then I take back what I said, but I would still try to see his perspective as well and I wish you two nothing but good luck.

[kirbycat]

i want to be in a relationship with him, but i dont know whether i want to broadcast to the public that we are together again. in my head i just think that we may still be unstable, and i want to be really sure that we are ok again. if that makes sense?

it doesnt say im single on facebook, dont worry, but it doesnt really say much else.

its important to him, yes, but from our descussion last night i think he sees where i am coming from.

i dont know, i dont know why these thoughts are in my head. i should be able to just go ahead and be public, but its just facebook. we know that we are together, my close friends at school know we are together, so why is facebook such a big deal.

*frustration*

I can understand your dilemma - you want to be with him, but are maybe still recovering from your fight, and aren't 100% sure what's going to happen when you see him...why bring all the attention of re-publicizing your relationship on Facebook, if there's a chance that it might lead to another publicly announced separation in a few weeks? I can understand that.

On the other hand, it is just Facebook. You said your good friends know you're together - why does anyone else's opinion matter? Who cares what other people think about your relationship status? So what if they make remarks about it if/when you get together or break up? YOU know where you stand, and that's the important thing. Plus, if it will make your SO feel more secure about your relationship, then for that reason alone it might be a good step to take.

[efish1042]

My SO and I are firmly together and yet it isn't 'FBO'. It shouldn't really matter what is on there. If he's worried about you saying you're "single" then just take it off entirely. Don't say you're anything. You need to work things out with your SO and not have something as trivial as facebook becoming a problem. We recently had a discussion about facebook on here and I totally agree that facebook is only a problem for relationships if you let it become one. Don't let it. It's silly.

[dukes2011]

My SO and I are firmly together and yet it isn't 'FBO'. It shouldn't really matter what is on there. If he's worried about you saying you're "single" then just take it off entirely. Don't say you're anything. You need to work things out with your SO and not have something as trivial as facebook becoming a problem. We recently had a discussion about facebook on here and I totally agree that facebook is only a problem for relationships if you let it become one. Don't let it. It's silly.

Completely agree! Facebook isn't a problem unless you let it become a problem. I can see your hesitation about putting it up. Facebook does make people feel exposed and vulnerable sometimes. I would also just take off relationship status. My SO and I didn't put it up for about a year and it worked well for us. The friends we actually talked to and had a close relationship knew and that's all who really needs to know.

[Softy]

I don't think Facebook is the issue here.
I don't think it's that important but if you love him, why not change that status to make him happy?
Is it that hard? Or do you have any reason for ppl not to see that you are together?

I think the problem is that you are unsure of your relationship but he is.
So either you are into one or you are not.
You cannot leave it pending sweetheart...

I personally think the 'in a relationship' status on FB is cute.
But for some ppl it's not important, for some it is.
But if my bf would ask me to tell the whole world i'm with him and i love him, i would do so without hesitation.