I Got my Answer: Now I am Confused
This is an update on my other thread ("Now He Might Put an Ocean Between Us!?").
Last night, we talked and it seemed like a normal day. He let me ramble on about all the silly things that happened at work and then when it was his turn he had the usual report about his job. However, I could tell from the tone in his text the night before and the tone of his voice on the phone that something was up. He said "I guess we should talk about the interview I had." Then, my phone lost its battery charge. D:
When he phoned back, he said that they had offered him the job in Amsterdam and he was likely going to take it. Well, instead of having the adult conversation I had hoped we would have, I was so angry and the more he stayed silent or gave me processed answers, the angrier I got. My first response was, "So, I guess this is it, then." I started to put words in his mouth.
Anyway, I am so tired and feel so ill and sad, but I am also extremely confused. In the space of one conversation, he said he still loved me and then that he didn't feel that way any more, and then later that he did still love me but also was torn and wanted to pursue the opportunity. He said that the job is the catalyst, but that one of his big dreams has always (apparently) been to live in Amsterdam (so many things were really just all about him thinking about him); I helped open his mind to other options and possibilities and how they could be good, also. That's where things were left at the end. I had eventually calmed down and we discussed how we both had not seen each other lately and we had come into a bit of a rut when we were talking on the phone (too surface level and too much about work and problems) and that that wasn't a good reason to feel differently about a person. We talked about a lot of things (we should have been talking about all along), I guess, and near the end of the conversation, I even had us laughing (different from the shouting/ crying/ freeze out of earlier) and giving him calm and rational reasons why making a different choice can be something he won't regret or resent. I also talked about long-term adult relationships and how he, himself, had called this a "partnership." Yes, I can't make this decision for him, but I certainly should be in on big stuff like this and be able to offer my opinion.
I got him thinking and he went away (neither of us were ready to hang up the phone) agreeing that he would think about what he wants out of our relationship and the decision in front of him in as a non-biased way as possible. Since I have a really busy night on Fridays, we agreed that we would talk more about it on Saturday. Yet, now I can't think about anything else and worry that it just might be more of the same on Saturday (you see, the job offer is for a year, but they really want people to sign on who want to build a permanent career. We're talking he could be there forever).
I am holding out a little bit of hope; do you think there is a possibility that a resolution I would like to see or one that would be a compromise would come about?
Also, if one of those resolutions are met, how do we recover from some of the hurtful things and actions taken recently? (e.g., the cold way he approached the topic, him saying he doesn't love me and changing his mind, etc.)
I don't feel like things are ready to end between us romantically; we haven't even been able to try and see if CDR could work. Aside from all that, also, we have been each other's best friends and talk almost every night...I'm also very isolated right now. It would be so hard to lose him as a friend, but I couldn't bear continuing just a friendship while he goes off on his prodigal adventures and likely meets another girl.
Ah...I just want to wallow in misery and never get out of bed, but I guess a good way to distract myself is to keep busy.
Last night, we talked and it seemed like a normal day. He let me ramble on about all the silly things that happened at work and then when it was his turn he had the usual report about his job. However, I could tell from the tone in his text the night before and the tone of his voice on the phone that something was up. He said "I guess we should talk about the interview I had." Then, my phone lost its battery charge. D:
When he phoned back, he said that they had offered him the job in Amsterdam and he was likely going to take it. Well, instead of having the adult conversation I had hoped we would have, I was so angry and the more he stayed silent or gave me processed answers, the angrier I got. My first response was, "So, I guess this is it, then." I started to put words in his mouth.
Anyway, I am so tired and feel so ill and sad, but I am also extremely confused. In the space of one conversation, he said he still loved me and then that he didn't feel that way any more, and then later that he did still love me but also was torn and wanted to pursue the opportunity. He said that the job is the catalyst, but that one of his big dreams has always (apparently) been to live in Amsterdam (so many things were really just all about him thinking about him); I helped open his mind to other options and possibilities and how they could be good, also. That's where things were left at the end. I had eventually calmed down and we discussed how we both had not seen each other lately and we had come into a bit of a rut when we were talking on the phone (too surface level and too much about work and problems) and that that wasn't a good reason to feel differently about a person. We talked about a lot of things (we should have been talking about all along), I guess, and near the end of the conversation, I even had us laughing (different from the shouting/ crying/ freeze out of earlier) and giving him calm and rational reasons why making a different choice can be something he won't regret or resent. I also talked about long-term adult relationships and how he, himself, had called this a "partnership." Yes, I can't make this decision for him, but I certainly should be in on big stuff like this and be able to offer my opinion.
I got him thinking and he went away (neither of us were ready to hang up the phone) agreeing that he would think about what he wants out of our relationship and the decision in front of him in as a non-biased way as possible. Since I have a really busy night on Fridays, we agreed that we would talk more about it on Saturday. Yet, now I can't think about anything else and worry that it just might be more of the same on Saturday (you see, the job offer is for a year, but they really want people to sign on who want to build a permanent career. We're talking he could be there forever).
I am holding out a little bit of hope; do you think there is a possibility that a resolution I would like to see or one that would be a compromise would come about?
Also, if one of those resolutions are met, how do we recover from some of the hurtful things and actions taken recently? (e.g., the cold way he approached the topic, him saying he doesn't love me and changing his mind, etc.)
I don't feel like things are ready to end between us romantically; we haven't even been able to try and see if CDR could work. Aside from all that, also, we have been each other's best friends and talk almost every night...I'm also very isolated right now. It would be so hard to lose him as a friend, but I couldn't bear continuing just a friendship while he goes off on his prodigal adventures and likely meets another girl.
Ah...I just want to wallow in misery and never get out of bed, but I guess a good way to distract myself is to keep busy.
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