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Am I a Bad Person for This?

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    Am I a Bad Person for This?

    Okay so... there's this guy I know who isn't my SO. His name is David. He really likes me, but I love(d) being friends with him because when he isn't making it awkward, we have a lot of fun. If I wasn't already madly in love with my SO, there could maybe have been something there with David, but that isn't the case.
    He seems to have had a hard time accepting this. He said he wants to be there for me and maybe in several years I'll be single again and we can try to have a relationship. I usually just ignore his, what I call "antics", but he has tried to pull a move or two on me. He joined the army and has been in another state for over a year, but still expressed interest in me.
    A little over a year ago, he actually called me and legitimately asked me to marry him. I was 17. He was 22.
    Anyway, we moved past it and I would hang out with him when he came home on leave. But last Christmas he came home and I just couldn't handle it. We watched a movie at his place and he started trying to massage my legs and it just made me really uncomfortable and he didn't stop, so I left and told him I probably wouldn't see him again before he left again. We've talked a little since then, but he was really hurt by it. I told my SO and he was relieved. He wasn't really worried about me and David since he knew I could handle it and trusted me, but he was still relieved that I was kinda done with him.
    Now, David is back in town to say goodbye to his family and friends before he goes to Korea for 2 years. They are having a get together tonight. I'm not worried he will try anything tonight, but I still am apprehensive about going. I'm going to go. I would hate myself if I brushed off my last chance to see him and then something happened it Korea. But is it bad that I don't really want to go? Or is it bad that I'm going anyway? My SO is totally okay with whatever I decide, btw, so that isn't a problem. And it sounds like David is a bad guy, but he is really sweet and funny when he isn't making unwanted advances. Like I said. If there wasn't my SO, things may have been different.
    This turned out a lot longer than I meant it to. I think I just really needed to kind of vent about this, so I'm sorry guys. I guess just... what do you think about this?



    #2
    You could go only for a little while and while there is still lots of people there. Leave early wish him luck and then say goodbye.

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      #3
      I agree with snow_girl to go early while there are still a lot of people there. Don't let yourself be put in an awkward situation by being alone with him.


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        #4
        I definitely understand your reluctance to see him tonight. But if this is the last time you'll be seeing him for at least two years, and if you're really sure he won't try anything, I think you should go. He is still your friend (correct?), even if he's really not getting that you're already taken and not interested. You owe him a goodbye, at least. Staying away would likely only hurt him, and you don't want to part with any more negative feelings.

        If your info is correct that you've been with your SO for over three years now, well - David seems to be one patiently dense guy. Hopefully his two years away will be a good chance for him to move on. This might not be necessary, but if you think it'd be appropriate, it might be helpful to talk to him when you say goodbye (or maybe write him a letter?), to let him know that you care about him, but that you plan on being with your SO for a long time, and you don't want him to keep waiting around and hoping when he could be out there enjoying himself and maybe finding someone who's actually available and able to give him the love he deserves.

        Good luck, and let us know how it goes tonight!

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          #5
          Just pretty much agreeing with whats been said above but I would go an have a proper goodbye. You can obviously handle the situation, you have the best wishes of your SO and by the sounds of things you'd regret it if you didn't. I used to have a few close male friends and at some point each of them made a move, I don't even think they were all that interested more that they thought they might as well try! Anyway I know how it can be awkward but he obviously cares for you and you for him, so id try and put the awkward past aside and support him as a friend in his new ventures.

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            #6
            Thanks everyone! I went. It was a little awkward at first, but we managed to move past it. I ended up staying for a while actually because several of us ended up playing a game. Then we all left at the same time so there were no awkward goodbyes. I hope he does well in Korea. I'm glad things are on good terms between us again. Thanks for the input, guys!


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              #7
              Glad to hear things went smoothly! Best of luck to him in Korea.

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