We're officially done

[cymlee]

So the last time I posted here my now ex and I were having communication issues. We were able to work through them until last night.

I'm graduating at May 20th and he had been trying to do all he could to get to Indiana to see me walk across the stage. He also has been dealing with a lot at home so he was looking forward to getting away from it all and spending May 16 (our would-be one year anniversary) through May 23rd with my family and I. Saturday he sends me a text saying May 16 @10:25. I immediately asked if he was coming he replied with yeah. After much prying I got him to tell me he was flying into O'Hare. That was all he told me and I needed to know more details so I could tell my family he was coming.

Fast forward to Sunday. I call him to find out more details. He answers the phone and tells me he's getting out the car and he'll call me back. 10 minutes later I haven't heard from him and I kind of feel he's been avoiding talking to me, not just yesterday but other days too so I tweet: "I feel like #oomf (one of my followers) doesn't want to talk to me..." He gets my tweets to his phone and almost immediately asks about the tweet. When I tell him it was about him he flips out and decides he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. The rest of the night is spent arguing about a tweet, yes 140 characters, and he never returns my call.

This morning he says he doesn't know if he's coming anymore and about 3-4 hours ago he tells me that he's done, that he'll send me my stuff back and that I need to find someone in my own town who will talk to me when I want to talk and that he's saying goodbye.

So it's over. 2 days before 1 year and ultimately, he blew up over a tweet. Sorry for writing so much, but I'm just really frustrated at the moment.

[temporaryuser]

give it some time. i have a feeling there was more going on on his end that he wasnt prepared to talk about. yes, it sucks that it happened this way, and that he seemed to be avoiding you. but on the other hand, he may have felt youpushing him to open up about something he wasnt ready to. Give him a few days with no communication from you and give him a chance to sort out whatever is going on.

[LoveJ]

That seems like a pretty exaggerated response to a tweet; I agree with subeasley that there was likely more going on and that the tweet was just what ultimately set him off.

Granted, I'm a pretty big hard ass with a short fuse when it comes to people treating others with respect, so I say this coming from that perspective: if he's going to break up with you over a tweet, regardless of what else is going on in his life, wouldn't you prefer being with someone who is going to at least try to work things out with you instead of jumping the gun like that?

[FierceFoxie]

That seems like a pretty exaggerated response to a tweet; I agree with subeasley that there was likely more going on and that the tweet was just what ultimately set him off.

Granted, I'm a pretty big hard ass with a short fuse when it comes to people treating others with respect, so I say this coming from that perspective: if he's going to break up with you over a tweet, regardless of what else is going on in his life, wouldn't you prefer being with someone who is going to at least try to work things out with you instead of jumping the gun like that?

I agree too! When a person blows something up over nothing and doesn't want to even bother discussing it, they were looking for any old thing to come up to end the relationship. My ex-bf pulled the same crap on me. He was going through a messy custody battle and just went to court a few days before we broke up and things did not go to his plan. So he made a comment about not coming to my son's birthday party when he was suppose to help me craft a project for it. I got upset with him and even though I didn't flip out or yell or anything like that, the fact that I was upset with him made him take things to the next level and broke up with me.

[cymlee]

Thanks for all your responses. I do feel like it was a very sudden thing and that there was more to it than a tweet. As much as I might not want to, I guess I can understand him being upset, although I have 300+ followers and that tweet could've referred to anyone. The fact is that he broke up with me over a tweet that I was more than willing to let go. He wasn't no matter what. I want to be with some one who realizes that something so trivial shouldn't break a relationship that's been years in the making (we've known each other since 2009). I want to believe that with time he will let me know what's going on, but I don't think that's going to happen. He came to a decision, which I would say was irrational, after things were going fine a week ago.

[Haley53]

I actually feel like writing a cryptic tweet to get his attention was likely the wrong way to handle your concern that he was avoiding you. It's not only side-stepping the issue but could be seen as game playing, as well, though I agree with the others in the sense it seems like there was more to the story than simply the tweet. I would perhaps give him a few days in order to calm down and then at least see if you can get a better explanation.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I guess this is why I don't air my dirty laundry online. Though, that said it does seem like he went off the deep end. Maybe you can get a better explanation in a few days or maybe he has other stuff affecting him that let him to this decision. Either way (hugs).

[cymlee]

In hindsight I agree that maybe I shouldn't have tweeted it, but the tweet was about my feelings at the moment. The tweet wasn't really cryptic at all because it could've referred to any of the people who follow me. The fact that he was the only who responded and asked me who makes me feel like there was truth to it. If it wasn't true, would he really have felt the need to text to ask who I was talking about instead of returning my phone call. What if I told him the tweet wasn't important when he asked who it was referring to? A part of my feels as though he still would've blown up because I wouldn't tell him the tweet was directed towards. One tweet is no reason to break up with someone, regardless of what's going on in your life.

[efish1042]

Yeah. Definitely an over reaction if that's the only problem. I understand family issues ( I soooo understand that), but... maybe I'm just super chill but I would've had to have been on coke to break up with my SO 2 days before our anniversary and soon before I flew to see him over him mentioning that he thinks I'm avoiding him.
There had to have been something else going on unless he was already doubting your relationship and saw this as a way out, which it doesn't sound like. I hope he comes around soon and realizes what a jerk he was being.
Then again, I always agreed that there are 3 sides to every story. Your side, My side and the Truth. Not to imply you're untruthful, merely that we don't know where he's coming from or the real truth of the entire matter. I hope there's a good explanation.
In other news, congratulations on graduation soon!

[cymlee]

Yeah. Definitely an over reaction if that's the only problem. I understand family issues ( I soooo understand that), but... maybe I'm just super chill but I would've had to have been on coke to break up with my SO 2 days before our anniversary and soon before I flew to see him over him mentioning that he thinks I'm avoiding him.
There had to have been something else going on unless he was already doubting your relationship and saw this as a way out, which it doesn't sound like. I hope he comes around soon and realizes what a jerk he was being.
Then again, I always agreed that there are 3 sides to every story. Your side, My side and the Truth. Not to imply you're untruthful, merely that we don't know where he's coming from or the real truth of the entire matter. I hope there's a good explanation.
In other news, congratulations on graduation soon!

Thanks so much for this. I'm definitely excited for graduation and I'm trying my best not to let this outweigh being so close to the end of undergrad. I hope he comes around soon too. I also think there are three sides to the story. I don't think he's really getting to the truth of the matter and the tweet seems like it was really a way out. I don't think he's been contemplating this for a long time. All I can do is give him space and hope he realizes his reaction was on the deep end.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

You're right on the three sides to every story bit. There's his side, her side and what actually happened (well, generally). I really hope you can enjoy your graduation.

[Jazi]

That seems like a pretty exaggerated response to a tweet; I agree with subeasley that there was likely more going on and that the tweet was just what ultimately set him off.

Granted, I'm a pretty big hard ass with a short fuse when it comes to people treating others with respect, so I say this coming from that perspective: if he's going to break up with you over a tweet, regardless of what else is going on in his life, wouldn't you prefer being with someone who is going to at least try to work things out with you instead of jumping the gun like that?

I couldn't agree with this more - regardless of whether there were other issues, how he took what you said, if he was already having doubts etc.. whatever may have been in the background, the fact that he ended it like that really speaks of his character and it does not speak well at all. If you two do get back together he will have this invisible upper hand in the relationship - you will always be wondering what ridiculous thing he will break up with you for next time.

Bottom line is - you weren't worth it for him to fight for the relationship.. "the one" will be someone who doesn't give up, someone who works through issues with you as an equal with mature communication, and you give that to them in return also.

[cymlee]

I couldn't agree with this more - regardless of whether there were other issues, how he took what you said, if he was already having doubts etc.. whatever may have been in the background, the fact that he ended it like that really speaks of his character and it does not speak well at all. If you two do get back together he will have this invisible upper hand in the relationship - you will always be wondering what ridiculous thing he will break up with you for next time.

Bottom line is - you weren't worth it for him to fight for the relationship.. "the one" will be someone who doesn't give up, someone who works through issues with you as an equal with mature communication, and you give that to them in return also.

I couldn't agree with this more. Honestly, we've been working on this for a while now and when he broke up with me it was usually over a ridiculous reason, although a tweet takes the cake. I can't be worth it to him, because if I was, no matter how upset he was about a tweet, he would work through the issue with me maturely, instead of choosing to ignore me when he got upset.

[cymlee]

Quick update: After telling me he was saying goodbye earlier this afternoon, he called me twice Monday night/Tuesday and in total we talked for nearly 2 hours. If you're sure about your decision, when you say you're done you would be done. After getting off the phone with him a few minutes ago it seems like he's reconsidering things. The last thing we discussed was communication and why I am so stubborn about it. I gave him a reason for it the last time we argued about communication and he really didn't listen. This time he did and he finally understood. In short, growing up the only communication I had with men in my life was with my biological father and my step-father and the communication we had was minimal, if any at all, and extremely sporadic. He asked why I didn't say anything about this earlier in the game but when I tried he didn't truly given me the space to go into detail about it. Once we sorted through that he said "so is all the mess that happened between Sunday and now cleared up?" I told him that the only way it could be is if he came to an understanding about communication and why it's so important to me and I made a conscious effort to watch what I tweet. He said he didn't know if the mess was cleared up.

One thing I've taken from this is that when he's angry, he really doesn't care what he says or does. He says he's sure about something, but really doesn't take the time to think rationally. If there is ever a chance to make this work he seriously needs to work on his anger and commitment issues and I need to work on my communication issues. Because regardless of what's happening in his life the way he replied to the tweet was scary.