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    Possible Reconciliation?

    So the last time I posted here it was to say my s/o had called it quits. He ended things last Monday afternoon.

    Monday night I sent him a text and he replied back even though he said he was done. We continued texting back and forth before he called me. We talked for an hour about what went down, with me continuously stressing how extreme everything was getting. He was set in his ways and said something like what's done is done. I asked him if he was absolutely sure, because he has a habit of saying things when he's upset that he later regrets. He say that I didn't have to worry about him changing his mind this time and he hung up the phone.

    I texted him once more, he replied back, I texted him again. Then he started joking around about sending each other's things back and I couldn't tell if he was really happy/laughing about everything or if he was just trying to mask his real feelings. I told him that I couldn't laugh and be happy because this wasn't what I wanted. He then texted to ask what do you do when you're sick and tired of going through the same thing? I told him you find out what it is you're sick and tired of and find a resolution. He replied with and if that doesn't work? I told him that you do all you can to make it work, which means finding a resolution, but also understanding why it keeps coming up and dealing with that as well. If you don't do all you can, you're running away. He then asked what didn't I do? I told him that he never tried to understand why communication means so much to me and why it's something I continue bringing up. I brought it to his attention the last time we argued about communication and he blew it off. He called and then asked me why I felt he blew it off. I told him and we spent 40 minutes on the phone at like 3-4am discussing the issue. He didn't know what to say, but ended the conversation asking if the mess that had been made was cleaned up. He said he needed some time to soak it all in.

    We texted Tuesday night and he said he didn't know what he wanted to happen because he was tired of going through arguments about communication. He suggested we talk to an older couple about the issues we've been having. I texted him Wednesday morning to see if he still wanted to have the conversation and he didn't answer the question, but instead asked if I was going to get help for the issues I have. I told him I would and asked him the same. He replied with yes. This was Wednesday morning. Yesterday was the first time we talked since then and the conversation we had never went back to what we last discussed. However, he initiated the contact. Is the fact that he didn't mention it his way of saying he's ready to move forward? Does he still think we need to talk to someone in order to repair things? Or does he not even think this relationship is worth repairing? I don't know how to move the conversation in a way that answers those questions. I'm just trying to make sense of where things stand. When someone says they're done, they really are. They don't continue calling and texting and making suggestions on how to fix things. I apologize for the long post.
    Last edited by cymlee; May 22, 2012, 05:15 PM.

    #2
    Originally posted by cymlee View Post
    So the last time I posted here it was to say my s/o had called it quits. He ended things last Monday afternoon.

    Monday night I sent him a text and he replied back even though he said he was done. We continued texting back and forth before he called me. We talked for an hour about what went down, with me continuously stressing how extreme everything was getting. He was set in his ways and said something like what's done is done. I asked him if he was absolutely sure, because he has a habit of saying things when he's upset that he later regrets. He say that I didn't have to worry about him changing his mind this time and he hung up the phone.

    I texted him once more, he replied back, I texted him again. Then he started joking around about sending each other's things back and I couldn't tell if he was really happy/laughing about everything or if he was just trying to mask his real feelings. I told him that I couldn't laugh and be happy because this wasn't what I wanted. He then texted to ask what do you do when you're sick and tired of going through the same thing? I told him you find out what it is you're sick and tired of and find a resolution. He replied with and if that doesn't work? I told him that you do all you can to make it work, which means finding a resolution, but also understanding why it keeps coming up and dealing with that as well. If you don't do all you can, you're running away. He then asked what didn't I do? I told him that he never tried to understand why communication means so much to me and why it's something I continue bringing up. I brought it to his attention the last time we argued about communication and he blew it off. He called and then asked me why I felt he blew it off. I told him and we spent 40 minutes on the phone at like 3-4am discussing the issue. He didn't know what to say, but ended the conversation asking if the mess that had been made was cleaned up. He said he needed some time to soak it all in.

    We texted Tuesday night and he said he didn't know what he wanted to happen because he was tired of going through arguments about communication. He suggested we talk to an older couple about the issues we've been having. I texted him Wednesday morning to see if he still wanted to have the conversation and he didn't answer the question, but instead asked if I was going to get help for the issues I have. I told him I would and asked him the same. He replied with yes. This was Wednesday morning. Yesterday was the first time we talked since then and the conversation we had never went back to what we last discussed. However, he initiated the contact. Is the fact that he didn't mention it his way of saying he's ready to move forward? Does he still think we need to talk to someone in order to repair things? Or does he not even think this relationship is worth repairing? I don't know how to move the conversation in a way that answers those questions. I'm just trying to make sense of where things stand. When someone says they're done, they really are. They don't continue calling and texting and making suggestions on how to fix things. I apologize for the long post.
    I know you're gonna hate my response but don't try and guess what you think he means. Just ask him directly. Only he knows for sure what he means. Trying to guess what he means will only make you go crazy. I'd ask him again and if he ignores it again, then I would think about taking a break from contact with him for awhile. Maybe he will bring things up about repairing it after he gives it some thought.

    Comment


      #3
      Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
      I know you're gonna hate my response but don't try and guess what you think he means. Just ask him directly. Only he knows for sure what he means. Trying to guess what he means will only make you go crazy. I'd ask him again and if he ignores it again, then I would think about taking a break from contact with him for awhile. Maybe he will bring things up about repairing it after he gives it some thought.
      I don't hate your response, because you're right. I shouldn't assume what I think he means. I'll ask him directly. I would hope he wouldn't ignore the question, because as I mentioned we went almost 5 days without talking (Wednesday afternoon until Monday evening). After going that long without talking, I would think he's had time to think about it. I just don't know if I should let him bring it up or if I should be the one to start the conversation.

      Comment


        #4
        Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
        I know you're gonna hate my response but don't try and guess what you think he means. Just ask him directly. Only he knows for sure what he means. Trying to guess what he means will only make you go crazy. I'd ask him again and if he ignores it again, then I would think about taking a break from contact with him for awhile. Maybe he will bring things up about repairing it after he gives it some thought.
        So I texted him to tell him I was surprised that he called and texted me yesterday. He said he was just checking up on me. I asked him if we were pretending the last conversation we had never happened. He didn't seem to remember what I was talking about. I filled him in and asked him if he forgot or if he no longer wanted to have the conversation. He replied with, honestly, I'm not ready to be in a relationship again.

        I just don't understand why he would suggest talking to an older couple (have some informal counseling) if he didn't want to repair things. Now that I know how he really feels I can finally move on.

        Comment


          #5
          Awww, I am sorry Cymlee. At least he gave you a straight answer and like you said, now you can move on. *hugs*

          Comment


            #6
            Originally posted by FierceFoxie View Post
            Awww, I am sorry Cymlee. At least he gave you a straight answer and like you said, now you can move on. *hugs*
            He gave me a straight answer, but only after I pushed the conversation in that direction. Instead of ignoring me for 5 days, he should've been honest from the beginning.

            Thanks for all your help. I think this is probably going to be my last post on this site. I wish you luck in your relationship.

            Comment


              #7
              Best of luck to you Cym! Take care and I'll be praying for you. You seem like an honest person and the right man is going to appreciate that about you!

              Comment


                #8
                I m sorry as he has already given you an answer, I think the best wayyou can move on is by cutting all communication with him and moving on with your life dont worry, time will make u feel better I wish you luck with all your future endeavors

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