I need some help..

[corrda00]

So my SO and I have been having a rough time lately. There has been some talk of potential break ups. She says she just hasn't felt the same over the past couple weeks. Now there's a lot of situational factors (busy jobs, depression ect.) but other than that we decided to sit down and talk out our problems.

Pretty much she says if I want this to work I have to man up. I realize I've been relying on her too much and not thinking for myself. She also told me she needs more space. I also have a bad habit of always agreeing with her and she's afraid I'm giving up on my dreams for her. I really want to save this relationship, she really means a lot to me.

I don't really know what sort of advice Im asking for. I guess how do I be more of a man? How do I be more responsible? Should we take a break from the relationship so I can fix my personal issues? Im going to see her in 16 days, maybe we can figure out something then? Even if it doesnt work out these are changes I have to make in my life anyways.
Im sorry if this post is making little to no sense, Im kinda out of it right now.

[Zephii]

I don't know what your personal issues are that need fixing, but tell her that you can "man it up" and have a relationship at the same time. I really don't get why people take breaks other than to make breaking up easier on themselves. Tell her that you's need to face trouble together as a team, and that you can look after her/this relationship and cope with your own crap too. (Unless that's not really true.)

On one level I do understand her. Sometimes Obi's witts seem to go out the window and he relies on me for everything.. until I have a spack. I tell him "before you ask me a question think about it a moment and make sure you don't already know the answer" so I'm giving you the same advice. Also, don't constantly seek praise for your achievements. You don't need to be encouraged to do the things you should be doing regardless, even though support is lovely. Don't rely too much on her to build you up... if you know what I mean?

You know what makes you interesting? That fact that you are yourself. When you agree with everything she says, and sacrifice everything for her, when you stop going out and seeing your mates so you can have every moment with her, you become boring and undesireable because you lose the things that make you you.

[LoveL]

Well, you're going to have to explain what you mean about needing to "man-up".
I'll need to know what kind of dynamic exists in your relationship to even be able to pretend to know what she means by being more of a man.

Guessing from reading between the lines here, which is subject to my own projections, you seem to just want to calm the waters when it comes to decisions and you let her take the lead on things. You agree with whatever she wants and you probably feel like doing so is making her feel special in some way. If she is looking for you to be a more traditional male figure, then those actions can, in her mind, make you look like you're kind of spineless or that you won't stick up for yourself. I'm also assuming that you avoid confrontation in other aspects of your life too.

There is nothing wrong with disagreeing with someone. Most of the choices and big things in life aren't limited to a simple view of "right or wrong" or "good and bad". Two people can disagree, have a healthy conversation about it, and still be able to function without a problem. (I think mushrooms taste like cooked slugs. She loves mushrooms.... who cares? Two people have differing religious views.... which one is right? How can you prove it? Who really cares?) Anyway, point I'm trying to make is that you don't always have to agree to things that you don't really want just to keep the waters calm. To do that, however, you also need to know yourself, know what you like and what you think is important and "think for yourself".

But back to the main topic, we still need to know what kind of stuff is going on to be able to give any real advice.

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Oftentimes, when we get into relationships, we make a conscious effort to be agreeable and fun and attentive. Because of the intensity at the start of the relationship 'the honeymoon period', we get into habits of that amount of attention/agreeability seeming normal. However, all that romance isn't WHY you're with that person. You're with that person because you like that person for themselves.
I think probably what's going on with your girlfriend is that she's coming out of the honeymoon period. It says in your signature that you've been together 7 months. The 6 month mark is often the time when people become accustomed to their relationship, and start getting comfortable. It's pretty normal for two people to come out of the honeymoon period at different times, and this can cause tension, because one person is comfortable to move into the more relaxed period of the relationship, whereas the other person is still at full-on intensity. This could also be why your girlfriend says she hasn't been 'feeling the same way' for the past couple of weeks. It's not that she's not interested in you, or doesn't love you, it's just that she's gotten used to the relationship.
Combine that feeling with the "rough time", and you can see why she'd want a little space. You may not have given her enough space to make this honeymoon-to-comfortable transition, and she might be feeling a little crowded.
You don't have to go on a break to make this work. I think probably, what would help, is if you take a little space for yourself. Not 'on a break' kind of space, just... involving yourself in things that interest you independently. Not making your relationship your main focus.
I'm going to make a wild stab in the dark, and say that probably, what the two of you are predominently having conversations about at the moment is your relationship? If I'm wrong, forgive me, and ignore what I'm about to say. If I'm right, I have to tell you, it sounds like from your post, you guys have already had a discussion where she's pretty much told you everything she wants from you. Quite simply, it's just time to talk about something else for a bit. Get back to being the person she met. LoveL described it as her seeing you as potentially 'spineless', and I agree. Make sure you're being independent enough. Firstly, it'll help you in yourself. By being more independent, it'll mean you're less reliant on what she says when you're making decisions. It'll probably give you a clearer head. Like I said, I think you're still in honeymoon mode, and that can cloud your judgement, make you panic, and ultimately, make you more compliant - something she's said she's tired of. Secondly, it'll help your relationship. It definitely sounds like she wants you as the person you are, independently, not the person you're becoming by making the relationship the most significant thing about you.

[Moon]

Have you asked her what exactly she means by "manning up"? Sometimes expectations in relationships simply aren't realistic, and people have this idea of what men and women are supposed to act like within one. As you get older, you begin to realize all the garbage you read in books and magazines is crap, but it takes a while to get there. Find out what her expectations are for you, and if they're something you can meet or not, keep in mind though that maybe you can't, at least not for her and in that case, it wouldn't have worked in the long run anyway. Maybe all she's looking for are easy, small things that you haven't considered before, so you should go into this with an open mind. Sometimes hearing about our potential shortcomings can sting a little, but if they're legitimate, and you're paying attention, can help you grow and become a better man.

I don't know though, before anyone can really advise you, we need to know what it is that's bothering her. Talk to her, find out, and if you still need help, we're with ya, just let us know.

[corrda00]

Sorry bout the lack of detail, but you guys seem to have hit the nail on the head anyways :P

Um as far as what she means by 'manning up' is that I can be a little disorganized, scatterbrained and a little forgetful at times. She said at times she feels more like my mother than my girlfriend.

I think what Biddly said is a good idea. I think I have to take time to myself and figure out who I really am.
And we have spent a lot of time just talking about the relationship, so I guess it would help to talk about something else
Also I think you're definatly right about the honeymoon phase thing. I think I'm just taking longer to get out of it than she is.

Anyways thanks for all the help, and theres definatly a lot of stuff Im goin to have to put into practice here

Ill let you know how things go.

[Romeo s Juliet]

I think i can relate to this situation. My relationship with my SO is amazing and as we both got comfortable, he became more and more comfortable with me, more comfotable than i was, while i was still in the honeymoon peroid in our relationship. He bacame more stressed out because of work and the attention he had for me reduced. I would be the one to always start convos, and i felt he need to put in more effort and man up and that stress will always be there in a person s life, but every now and then he needs to make me feel that he still values and loves me alot. i was pretty upset about it and i thought i need to tell it to him. and we had a convo and i told him its been troubling me and he asked me what he needs to do to make me feel better and happier. and i just told him what i want.
i know it seems like demanding do this please, do that please, but for a helathy relationship it is needed that both tell exactly what they want in a nice way, not in a demanding way. and i took the advice from people on this forum. so you need to ask her what she wants when she tell that you need to man up. tell her to excacly tell you how u need to man up. that would give you a definete answer on how to man up for her.