College LDR coming home. Advice please?

[x0kimberly]

I'm seventeen and a junior in high school, my boyfriend is nineteen and a freshman in college. I live in New Jersey, he goes to college in Georgia. We are 757 miles away for 70 days at a time. The first semester there was difficult. We were adjusting to being apart, but we Skyped every single day and we were still inseparable. He came home, and we spent an amazing month and a half together. He left for college again in the beginning of January. The second semester was extremely different than the first. He was into the party scene more, and he was more occupied so we didn't Skype as much. It was okay though, I was occupied with the school musical and I was busy too, so it was a bit easier to get through. He came home just in time for my birthday, and he was home for a week. He left again, and finally he's coming home in seven days, but I'm not too sure what's going to happen.

Two nights ago, he told me that he has been feeling "different" and "less attached." He said he doesn't know if it's just the distance getting to him, but Georgia is becoming his home basically and it sucks without me. I asked him if he wanted to be with me, and he said "yes and no." I said "but I thought we had something worth it" and it turned into this whole thing about how I make him so happy when we're together and how there's all these memories he won't forget, but when we're apart it's so hard etcetc. He also said that he thinks when he comes home, his negative thoughts about everything will change. We've been fine, yesterday was our 9 month anniversary, but I can't shake the thought of him breaking up with me when he comes home.

My junior prom is the day after he comes home, and he's going as my date. We're spending the night together after prom, as in physically falling asleep together, which is something we have wanted to do since we fell in love last summer. Then, he's going to be home for about 2 weeks and then he's going to Florida for a week with his family. I'm so afraid that once he comes home and we go to prom that he'll break up with me. I'm scared that he'll do it to save me from the heartbreak of him breaking up with me before he leaves again in September, because he'll think he can't handle another LDR. I feel like when we see each other again, it'll be so perfect and he'll realize he wants to be with me and I'll realize I want to be with him, but I'm so scared that somewhere along the line we'll break up.

I really, really, love him, and I can't picture myself going to bed without saying "goodnight, I love you" or waking up without saying "goodmorning, have a good day I love you" because it's been there for almost a year now. I just don't know what to do. I want to stop thinking about him possibly breaking up with me and just be excited that he's coming home, but I don't want to get excited just to get heartbroken.

Can anyone help me with getting through these last seven days? Words of wisdom, advice? Anything would be appreciated.

[Romeo s Juliet]

I sense he is growing up fast, and changes happen of course with the collage lifestyle and everything, moving from high school to collage it is a very new experience. he is getting used to the life there and this is a time where people s feelings change for good or for bad. he definitely likes spending time with you, and enjoys every minute with you, but surely him transitioning to where he is now and missing you together with that transition is what i think has put his feelings for you on the fence.
he sees people having fun and sure misses you being there and wish you were there and wishes thing would have been different. which is fair

but what i dont understand is distance doesnt put someone feelings for their SO on the fence. it rarely does in a good relationship. he has already been in a LDR with you for an year, and now suddenly he says he is feeling less attached to you? yes people get busy with time, and get comfortable, but the love they have for each other always emerges up even with the distance.
seems like your SO feels he just cant do it anymore, but he surely cares for you, and does not know how to verbalize it to you and i think he doesnt want to break it to u.

I think once he comes home you should just relax and have a good time with him and have a talk about what he thinks about the future. if he sees you in his future, if he is wiling to see the big picture with you after he graduates, and if he is willing to let the love he has for you emerge over all other disturbances including unbearable distance. if he seems like he is on the fence, you can ask him what he thinks is best for ur relstionship. cause you cant tie him up and keep if he wants to run free. it could be hreatbreaking for you :/ but i think its for the best because if you do not have that talk with him once he comes home, you will have to face more dissapointment in the future good luck!

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I have to say, sometimes I get in the same mindset as your SO. Sometimes it's easy to forget that the other person is...well...real. A factor of that is that you guys have been together for 9 months, but the majority of that has been long distance. You've had very few opportunities to be able to bond in person. I 100% believe you can love someone from a distance, but there are people who need the physical being of a person in order to bond more than others. I am one of those people, and it sounds like your SO is the same.
Another thing is, (and this happens often), the two of you are getting into the comfortable period of your relationship. Think about it, the first term he was away, your relationship was still new and fresh, and you skyped all the time. However, during the second term, you were both more secure in your relationship together, so a little less contact didn't phase you. When he's saying he feels "less attached", he's probably not taking into account that you're both more relaxed in the relationship. He's probably still comparing how he feels now to the first flushes of romance you had during his first term.
Long distance is difficult. You are physically removed from the person you love, so you have to find other ways to stay connected. Like I said, it can be easy to forget that the other person is still the person you saw a few months ago. I'm pretty sure that, if your SO is anything like me, when you two meet up again, it'll all be as perfect as you both remember it. All you can do, unfortunately, is wait and see.
In terms of you worrying about breaking up, it's pointless really. If it's going to happen, it will. If it's not, it won't. You just don't know what will happen. Living in the fear of breaking up will only make you unhappy. I'm a big believer that focusing on bad things happening will attract them, particularly in relationships. If you don't believe in your own relationship, how do you expect to keep it going?
I think here, you should just relax. There isn't a whole lot you can do until you two see each other again, and spend some quality time re-bonding. I know it's stressful, and it's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much.

[megfashion]

dont worry, i am almost positive he wouldnt do anything. you and i are pretty much the same! im 17, the SO is 19, and he is at uni too.

he probably just meant that he is used to his surroundings - the SO and i had exactly the same conversation last night. he said how he didnt want to come back home, bt it didnt mean he didnt want to see me anymore its just that he is now used to being at uni. just give him some time to adjust to being back at home, he is probably just feeling as if he has just settled n has to move again.

all the best

[x0kimberly]

Thank you all so much for your advice. Last night I was overthinking and I freaked out a bit, so I asked him to call me so I could hear him say I love you before I went to bed. So we started talking, and I asked if he planned to break up with me after prom and he said "I don't know, I feel like it's just something we have to talk about in person." So then it turned into me crying and just talking and asking questions and him either staying quiet because he doesn't know what to say or answering briefly. He said continuously how he loves me and cares about me, but it's so hard when we're so far apart. He said how whenever he's sad or even when he's happy, he wishes I could be there to make him feel better or add to the fun, but I can't, and that sucks. After we got off the phone, I texted, him saying I thought it was going to be weird between us now, but I didn't want that and he said he didn't want it either so we tried talking normally and he said his arm hurt or something and I did the kissy face and said "A kiss will make it better!" and he goes "And that's what i'm talking about haha, its just not the same" so I apologized and said "I was just trying to be normal" and he said it was okay, but he was just trying to make me understand what he meant on the phone. So I sent him this long text goodnight, and when I woke up this is what I had: "Omg I woke up from a bad dream and realized that my text to you never sent goodnight baby I love you so much and I'm sorry about tonight and hopefully maybe we can find a solution. I love you talk to you tomorrow<3" This morning, I told him I loved him and said that this was so scary to me cause I love him so much.

Most of you said that it will get better when he gets home, but what if it does and then as the summer progresses he realizes he doesn't want to get re-attached juts to leave again? That's what I'm afraid of. Last summer when we got together it was honestly the best summer of my life, and I'm afraid he's just forgetting all of it and that I don't make him happy anymore

[Yaaamiii]

I have to say, sometimes I get in the same mindset as your SO. Sometimes it's easy to forget that the other person is...well...real. A factor of that is that you guys have been together for 9 months, but the majority of that has been long distance. You've had very few opportunities to be able to bond in person. I 100% believe you can love someone from a distance, but there are people who need the physical being of a person in order to bond more than others. I am one of those people, and it sounds like your SO is the same.
Another thing is, (and this happens often), the two of you are getting into the comfortable period of your relationship. Think about it, the first term he was away, your relationship was still new and fresh, and you skyped all the time. However, during the second term, you were both more secure in your relationship together, so a little less contact didn't phase you. When he's saying he feels "less attached", he's probably not taking into account that you're both more relaxed in the relationship. He's probably still comparing how he feels now to the first flushes of romance you had during his first term.
Long distance is difficult. You are physically removed from the person you love, so you have to find other ways to stay connected. Like I said, it can be easy to forget that the other person is still the person you saw a few months ago. I'm pretty sure that, if your SO is anything like me, when you two meet up again, it'll all be as perfect as you both remember it. All you can do, unfortunately, is wait and see.
In terms of you worrying about breaking up, it's pointless really. If it's going to happen, it will. If it's not, it won't. You just don't know what will happen. Living in the fear of breaking up will only make you unhappy. I'm a big believer that focusing on bad things happening will attract them, particularly in relationships. If you don't believe in your own relationship, how do you expect to keep it going?
I think here, you should just relax. There isn't a whole lot you can do until you two see each other again, and spend some quality time re-bonding. I know it's stressful, and it's easier said than done, but try not to worry too much.

She basically said exactly what I was gonna tell you. My SO and I went through this as well. Like Biddly said, sometimes its hard to believe that the person on the other side of the screen is real. I get that way sometimes too. There are times when it feels really difficult to feel connected because so little time is spent actually together. If it happens, it happens. There's not much you can do about things that may or may not happen.

[Yaaamiii]

Most of you said that it will get better when he gets home, but what if it does and then as the summer progresses he realizes he doesn't want to get re-attached juts to leave again? That's what I'm afraid of. Last summer when we got together it was honestly the best summer of my life, and I'm afraid he's just forgetting all of it and that I don't make him happy anymore

Sorry to double post, it just took me forever to click post on my above comment xD.

I know you're scared but there's no way that thinking "what if" will help you. You should try to clear your mind and think straight. Sometimes distance isn't for everyone, though we wish it were. It seems like he has moved out of the honeymoon stage and into the comfortable stage. This is normal in any relationship, distance or not. Take some time for yourself to clear your mind. Worrying now will not help you and won't change his thinking. What he's feeling is normal and I've gone through it too. My SO and I are LD because we're both in different colleges. It's a tough time. Your schedule changes. You have a ton of free time, but at the same time you're busy all the time. You meet new people who think differently than you do and you may or may not become influenced by their thinking. A lot of people change and grow in college and this is normal. Scary, yes. Scary because you never know how the person will change and I believe most people, if not all, have a fear of the unknown.

Try to keep yourself busy. Worrying won't do much. In Spanish we have a saying that goes "que sera, sera." What will be, will be. Trust that things will work out for the better. Stay positive. Don't get into a negative mindset because it will only stress you and probably him out as well. Keep yourself busy with other things. Best of luck to you two.

[x0kimberly]

Thanks for the advice everyone. It seems I'm fine during the day, but at night I just get so upset. I can't lose him

[floridaellen]

College really does make things difficult.

I just finished my first year of college (yay!). I go to school in Florida but grew up in New Jersey. My SO lives in New Jersey (I wonder if we're close to you haha). Right now we're living together in New Jersey for the summer but after August 26th we'll go back to being long distance. My SO doesn't go to college currently. We're the same age but he took the year off between high school and college for financial reasons.

I agree with the above posters that sometimes it's hard to remember the other person actually exists. Everywhere I walk on campus I see couples kissing or laughing and I get really depressed about it. Texting my SO just isn't the same! But once we see each other in person, everything goes back to normal. I think that will happen to you as well.

Sorry my brain is fried from work so this is a short post but feel free to PM me :]