relationship requirements?

[Lilly9886]

I think I have a few dealbreakers...

- Alcohol (I don't mind if my bf drinks on occasions, but if he would drink every day, or every weekend, or something like that and on top of that really getting drunk, I could live with that! I don't drink at all, so that would be a huge problem for me. I'm so lucky to have my bf!!)
- Smoking (I just really don't like it - the habit, the smell, the money..)
- not wanting to get married or have kids (because that was always what I wanted - a big happy family)
- "workaholic" (working a lot is ok, at times, but there is definitely a TOO much when it comes to work. I don't want to spend the rest of my life having lonely mornings, days, evenings every day, just because my husband or bf is working 12-15 hours a day or something)

I consider myself really lucky to have found my bf!!!

[Spriteling]

Religion was a big one for me. I couldn't possibly date or marry someone who wants to raise children with a specific religion. Also, kids I suppose. I really want at least one; I don't think I could be with someone who didn't want any at all.

[MeeshaLenee]

Looking at it from a requirements standpoint....

Anyone I seriously date has to want to get married. Not just "at some point," but as soon as we've decided we want to commit to each other for the rest of our lives. Before we are intimate with each other.
Which brings me into the next one. It was a tough decision for me to make, but with my last relationship I finally made the decision that I won't have a relationship with someone who isn't a member of my church. I don't want to hijack the thread by going into a big explanation, but it's closely linked to the marriage thing. I'm fairly willing to give a shot to someone who is interested in my church to some degree, but ultimately, I'm not gonna get really involved with someone if there's no chance we're ever going to be the same religion.
Lastly, they do have to be okay with kids. I'm all enthusiastic about being a parent, but I don't need the same level of enthusiasm from my partner. If they're willing to have kids, willing to be a father figure and love the children we have, great. Gung-ho "I want 22 kids before we hit our 40's" is not an attitude I particularly desire, much less require.

Everything else...like other people have said, it's amazing the things you think you require until you actually meet someone you consider spending the rest of your life with. I used to say I'd never date anyone allergic to cats, because I absolutely will not tolerate living my whole life unable to own a cat of my own, but my last SO was allergic, as it turned out. XD I mean, he was willing to deal with a short-haired cat, maybe take some allergy medication and just put up with the discomfort, but I quickly realized having a cat wasn't all that important to me. Sure, I really hope I can, but I won't die if I can't. XD Strong preferences are not the same thing as requirements. XD

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

I agree. You're still only 17, you have time to slow down. You have no idea what is around the corner and what things will change your mind about what. There are going to be a whole bunch of life experiences that may change your perspectives on what you're prepared to compromise for the people in your life, and which things you absolutely will not move on.

I understand why some people have these requirements. Certain people want certain things out of their life, for example, kids. But in a lot of cases, there are opportunities for compromise, just like you were saying about not wanting to live in town, and yor SO wanting to.

My SO and I are still too young for these kinds of requirements. All we know is that we don't want marriage or kids in the very near future, and we're both comfortable living out our lives at the moment. We don't currently have any absolute decisions for the future. Right now, we want to be together, and that's enough.

[Katelyn313]

I'm with everyone else... Marriage and kids. Dylan and I talked about this early on because really, I didn't want to waste either of our time, if there was no chance of either. Good thing, he's more than willing to do both. I also wanted a man who's a Ravens fan (NFL) but, would compromise for at least not a Steelers fan... Dylan loves the Lions. I'm okay with that.

Other than that, he really had to be okay with my family since I'm very close with them and spend a lot of time with them. Good thing, they all love him and he loves them.

Pretty simple requirements, I think.

But yes, compromise and communication can help you through these requirements

[MeeshaLenee]

Other than that, he really had to be okay with my family since I'm very close with them and spend a lot of time with them. Good thing, they all love him and he loves them.

Ah yes, thank you for mentioning this!! Since I'm technically single right now, and I know that the guy I do love would get along great with my family (and I'm pretty sure I'd get along great with his), I don't always think about this particular issue.

But I totally agree with what you said. He has to get along with my family fairly well, and I have to be able to deal with his family too. Even if we're not all BFFs, there are things I won't put up with.

There's one guy I go to church with who people joke that I'm going to marry someday. Aside from not really being interested in him, his family is a huge dealbreaker for me. I know the family pretty well (church), and I would not be able to handle his mom as a MiL. She parents everyone, regardless of age or relationship to her (or lack thereof). Her way is always the right way and if you don't go along with what she says, you're being wrongheaded and disobedient. Basically, she's something of a control freak. Even her kids who've gotten married are still under her thumb to a large degree. If I married into that family, she would make my life impossible unless I moved across the country and told her she couldn't visit and if we wanted to see her, we'd come to her. And there's no way any of her kids would do that. XD

So yeah. We all have to be comfortable with each other's family, so we don't have to worry about issues like that. My mom has a terrible time getting along with my dad's family, and her family was abusive so we have practically no relationship with them. I don't want my kids to have to wonder why they never get to meet their aunts and uncles, or why Mommy never wants to visit Grandma, or why she doesn't like it when they have a good time with their cousins.

[Dziubka]

I can deal with a lot of things and for the right guy I'd even be willing to compromise on kids or be ok with him smoking.
But, I've been in relationships long enough to know a few things I definitely do(n't) want.

Possibly the most important:
- I don't tolerate jealousy/insecurity. You're going to accuse me of cheating - I'm going to make your accusations justified. You make a scene, you leave. End of story. A guy needs to be self confident enough to be convinced that I'm not going to leave him over/cheat on him with some random douche.

- Has to have a social life outside of our relationship. I've become very wary of guys who don't have friends.

- Needs to share some basic views/opinions with me. My boyfriend is much more free market liberal than me (which I think comes from growing up in a post socialistic country) but we share some basic convictions.

- Can't be materialistic. I realise money's important and all that, but there are more important things in life. Never again would I date someone who bragged about their jacket having cost x-hundred €

[Softy]

I think we all do have some sort of requirements.

I have a few myself (based on my experiences and also my values)

* I wouldn't date some who smokes or is on drugs (had very bad experiences, this is rly something i wouldn't accept)
* He needs to want kids eventually 1 day (it's something i always wanted and boy i ain't getting any younger)
* He wants to eventually get married (yes i rly do believe in marriage)
* He needs to be faithful and willing to have only me to sleep with (i know some friends who are polygamous, good for them but it's not for me)
* He needs to make me laugh (so many made me cry, it's time for a change~!)

And happily, my bf is perfect
He's awesome and loving~! <3

[Belle]

Most importantly the basics like no lying, cheating or abuse.
He has to be liberal and open minded about diversity and equal rights. I refuse to be with someone who doesn't respect people as human beings.
He has to be smart and driven. Seriously. Not a genius, but definitely someone who will challenge me to move forward and won't be intimidated by my career or friends.
I can't have someone who is overly religious. They have to be ok with the fact that I believe in God but don't see eye to eye with religion. Oh and they have to believe in evolution and blood transfusions.
No heavy drugs, severe alcohol use and no smoking.
He has to be willing to be the man in the relationship and not let other people do for me what he should be doing. Been there, hated that.

I think thats it. I am still newly into the idea or marriage and kids so thats not a big deal for now. And although kind of silly (it falls into the above category), I really want a man who likes/is willing to dance with me. I find it super fun, sexy, exiting and intimate. But if I'm allowed to dance with other people (although ill be upset), I can compromise =3.
For now though, my school and career are first. The place I live, the decisions I make, what compromises I'm willing to accept, are all influenced by my goals. I love my SO but I think he has a pretty good understanding of the fact that my future career is priority number one right now. That is definitely another must.
Damn, I have a lot of "musts" lol.

[Sora1101]

Honestly I'm only 18 so I can't think of any major requirements at all I wouldn't mind never marrying as long as we were both faithful, it's something I want but I would be willing to give it up. Same with children and living location, I've only ever lived in a city so I don't know how I'll be in more rural areas but I'd compromise on that too. I guess the only thing I can think of is I wouldn't want my SO going out and getting drunk on a weekly basis, once in awhile sure but not tons, it always worries me.

[XxFranticLovexX]

We've talked about this stuff, even before getting together, and we want basically the same things so it works out fine.
The most memorable conversation we had about this topic was about trees. I told him that I wanted a willow tree in my front yard. He responded saying that he wanted one in his back yard and a cherry tree in the front yard. I laughed, because I want a cherry tree in the back yard. XD
His response to that? Even as just friends and just in the flirting stage of everything he says "Well, It can be the other way around, I don't care".
He's rather relationship and family oriented though and likes to think about the future so conversations about stuff like this happen with us occasionally. Even if something didn't match up I would probably compromise with him on it as much as we could.

[lademoiselle]

As many others have said, marriage and children are two important ones for me. I used to think having the same religious beliefs mattered a lot, but that something which my opinion has changed about since meeting my SO (now I feel it's more about respecting one another's views). To be honest my real dealbreakers concern lifestyle and character traits; I couldn't tolerate smoking, heavy drinking or drug abuse, nor having a partner who was controlling, insecure or unambitious. Of course nobody's perfect and even my SO, good for me as he is, has a human side too! I think if you try to be the best you can be and are willing to compromise to a degree for the sake of your partner though, you can't be asked for much more

[Romeo s Juliet]

Well my SO and i have always wanted to live happy, and with no fights. we work on that. thats all really. everything else we match perfectly, we think the same too <3 its just the icing on the cake

[milaya]

My requirements are basically:
- Want to have kids. The amount is discussable.
- Likes to travel. Especially since travel is one of my biggest passions, so if we can't enjoy that together - then what do we have left?
- Not religious. I respect religious people, but I myself am a atheist and I don't feel like adding that possible strain to a relationship and I don't want to worry about offending a partner's belief or way of life.
- A wise money-spender.
- Good and making decisions and plans - since I'm bad at it. Then we would never accomplish anything.
- A people who likes pets.

Maybe that's it. My SO fits all the requirements - so that's good ^^

[MeganK]

We dont really have any requirements, only a few things weve both agreed to.

He cant ever talk to his ex again or see her.
No cheating.

Thats about it.