I need some help guys

[yayagrl]

So as the title states, I need some help. I'm starting to think that this relationship is going down south and fast! He's been wanting to talk less and I've been wanting to talk more. Almost every time we talk we wind up in some silly argument about whatever. I'm also starting to think that the distance and not having met yet is having a negative affect on our relationship. I also have a feeling that he didn't think our relationship wasn't going to actually go this far and honestly, I didn't really think so either. Here's the issue: I think that if I was busy more often that I wouldn't have such an issue with our lessened communication, but with me not being in school anymore (I had to withdraw with only 3 months left until my pending graduation because I could not longer afford it and couldn't get a student loan ) and no longer having a job, all I do is sit at home all day. I've put applications in at the fast food restaurants around her because well that's pretty much all there is around here is fast food and gas stations, but with my mom being pregnant I'm not really into bugging her to drive me around cause she's tired a lot and all the other issues with pregnancy and me not having a license I can't very well drive myself around to other places to put in applications for work. Sounds a bit like I'm whining and being lazy to me, but I'm sure you can see my dilemma. I just think that I need some sort of hobby. Something that can give me something to do. I used to be a very avid reader from elementary school through high school, but I've lost interest in reading a lot of books at once and barely make it through one. Maybe some of you can help me come up with some interesting hobbies and maybe a better way to look for jobs? I've tried craigslist and monster, but that didn't help me out much.

[Romeo s Juliet]

hi
I think you are a bit fast in judging that your relationship is going down south and fast! dont get me wrong here, I think you feel this way because recently you are at home due to unfortunate circumstances, and it makes you have alot more time to invest in your relationship than before, and as a result you want to talk more to your bf, while this circumstance is a bit overwhelming for your SO? he is used to you both being busy and coping with the busy lifestyle you both have and suddenly the change in your lifestyle is putting him under alot of stress to keep up conversations with you? from ur user info i see that its been more than a year since you and your SO started the relationship and you guys havent met, so with the distance everyone become comfortable in their own life style and surely he is used to it. and the sudden change in your life could be a bit hard for him to get accustomed to all of a sudden it happens, you need to take it slow and keep busy with your lifestyle and fill in your time with the things you like to do and enjoy.

maybe you can look into a public library near you? as you stated you enjoy reading, and maybe till you find a job you can soend some hours at the library. it gives you a chance to get out of a the house and find something interesting to read, and keep busy thn you ca tell all about ur day to your SO at the end of the day
all the best with the job seeking
good luck

[Haley53]

I have always been told it can be better to apply in person/to go in and hand in your resume. However, as far as hobbies, why not learn to drive? I don't have a license, but I'm hoping to get it by July or else my learner's permit expires and I have to go through that damn process again. :/ But still, it's something you could work towards, and having a license would open up endless possibilities for you as far as hobbies (you could consider classes) and work opportunities, it would allow you to apply for jobs that require reliable transportation, and the process of practicing and attaining it might keep you busy.

[temporaryuser]

any volunteer opportunities? Public transportation? Are you looking for something specific on craigslist, or just doing a general search. What kind of area do you live in?

[Biddlybiddlybombop]

Ok, I migh be about to say something stupid and irrelevent, but just posting some ideas...

Is there anything you love doing that you can turn into a job in some way? I also have the busy-ness issue, but actually, I love art, so I started filling my time creating work to try and build up some sort of exhibition. It doesn't mean that it'll ever happen, but it takes my mind off things.

If you have a craft hobby, see if you can sell some of it, or get it seen? If you like hiking or walking, maybe offer yourself as a guide, or make tourist maps to beautiful places in your area? If you're into fashion, maybe personal shopping for someone? If you like gardening, tend plants for people? Think about what skills and interests you have, and if nowhere is hiring, see if you can create your own job. Or if they're translateable to something you hadn't thought of. Even if you offer your services for free, just so you're doing something. (I did this by volunteerig as an art assistant at my local primary school for a few months last year.)

Don't give up! Any experience with work or volunteering, looks good on a CV.

And yes, I agree with you that if you're busy, you'll spend less time thinking 'he doesn't care, he's not talking to me'. It'll make you mentally more healthy to be occupied, and when you're mentally healthy, you can cope with things better, and ward off the negative thoughts.

[yayagrl]

Thanks for the replies so far guys. I didn't mention a few things about why I feel the relationship is going down. First our normal mediums for conversation have always been facebook and text/phone calls. Recently, like within the past month and a half J has been getting online a significant amount less than he used to. It was ok then because we were still talking enough on the phone and he actually responded to my texts. Then responses to texts went from few and far between to nonexistent. He NEVER initiates contact first anymore. When all this started going on I started to get worried like ok what's going on. I call and we'd talk a little bit, but that's it. A few Sunday's ago he messaged me saying he was getting rid of his computer and internet and giving it to his grandma. And I'm like ok where did that come from? He never mentioned anything before about it. He also mentioned that he felt he needed to spend more time with his kids (note that I have ABSOLUTELY no problem with this as his parenting is part of what attracted me to him to begin with) and less time on the internet and on the phone. So I was like um ok, it's weird that you didn't mention this before and I don't know why, but ok. So fast forward to a few hours ago and we kind of had an argument again he says that maybe we should break up because we are both unhappy and it would be better to do it now before things get anymore serious between us. I text him about an hour ago saying that we should just take a break from communication for 3 weeks and if he still feels the same in 3 weeks then we will break up. I just don't think that after a year of invested emotions and time that we should just break up just like that. So that is where our relationship is at now

Now to address a few things you guys said:
@Romeo's Juliet: I do believe you may be right about the whole change in my schedule impacting him and I can honestly say that I did not think about it like that at all. There were days when I was in school and working that we just didn't talk because I was too tired when I got home. We'd text a bit and that would be it. Maybe a 5 min conversation to say good night, but that's it and I didn't mind because I would have homework or something to attend to to keep me busy. As far as the reading thing goes I barely make it through one book now. I will go to the library, pick out a bunch of books that I like and would like to read and then I get home. Read one and lose complete interest in even remotely reading the others. it's like I don't have the drive to read anymore. I even have kindle software downloaded on my computer with plenty of books. I even bought the Hunger Games Trilogy with some money I had from my last paycheck. I have yet to read it. I don't know why it's like that, but it's just how it is with me now. I've always had a short attention span from when I was a youngster, but it seems to have gotten out of control as I've gotten older. Also thanks for the luck with job seeking.

@Eclaire: My permit will be expiring in July as well and I'm not too happy about that. Before I started college I actually was learning to drive, but I got into a car accident and haven't drove a yard since. My family had one car and my mom isn't too keen on letting me drive. I'll be 21 July 24th and my sister will be 18 in the same month on the 22nd and neither of us have our will have our license, but at least I have a permit and the will to want to drive. I can't say the same for my sister. As for driving lessons I have looked into it, but they're entirely too expensive for me to afford UNLESS I have a job of my own. My dad's income is the only income at the moment and it has to cover all the bills, plus whatever else for the 3 of us girls who are already here and the one on the way excluding whatever my mom needs and at $130 (the cheapest I found) per 2 hr lesson there is no way that is going to happen unless I pay for it myself . Would be great to go around to places and physically hand in my resume, BUT then there's the hassle AGAIN of getting my mom to take me around places. I have put in apps for Mickey D's, Subway and Dunkin Donuts. So will be calling on Monday to see how that's going. As much as I dread getting a job in fast food. Gotta do what I gotta do.

@subeasley: The part of Georgia we live in the nearest train station is 30 mins away. Not bad, but there are no buses that get there so relying on the parents to get me there. Everything is pretty much in the city all the good jobs that are restaurant work and then I have to deal with the hassle of public trans. When I was in school in the city it was fine doing it on my own, a bit of a hassle, but fine. I'm looking for restaurant work. If it's not a bakery, but a regular restaurant like (Outback Steakhouse, where I used to work) then I would do hostessing or.... well that's all I can do because I don't have experience with anything else. The area I'm in is fast food and gas stations. That's it. It's right off of the highway exit, there's a truck stop if that gives you anything else to go by. There used to be a mall one exit over, but they closed it down because I guess it wasn't getting that much business. I don't know really. I haven't looked into volunteer stuff, so good idea.

@biddlybiddlybombop: Nothing you said was stupid or irrelevant at all. It's ironic that you mentioned doing something I enjoyed for money as I was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned doing a bake sale. So I may do that. Don't know yet. Baking is my passion it's just that not being in school and being in this house is so discouraging. I've been a bit down in the dumps since withdrawing. I didn't care that much about quitting my job as it sucked, but leaving school and moving back into my parents house just did it for me. Add that to the fact that majority of the people who claimed me as a friend have rendered me to nonexistence or a mere facebook friend. I have a few contacts in my phone, but texting them is futile as most never respond. So I can say that I have been depending on J for social interaction outside of my family. he explained it like this, though it took him forever and a year to come out with it. Sometimes people need space, it's not that I don't care about you because I do. It's just that when you're around someone a lot that you're in a relationship with or the way things our with our case since we aren't physically around each other, you just feel the need for space sometimes. When he messaged me this I felt like I wanted to bonk him over the head. Here I am thinking you're getting tired of me when all you wanted was some time to yourself? Why not just say that to begin with? I guess maybe he felt I might get offended or something I don't know.

Like I said though thanks for the responses guys. I do think that my lack of things to spend time on and us not meeting yet is starting to wear the relationship down. When I met him I never thought we'd be where we are now and I'm pretty sure he thought the same thing. When I met him I wasn't looking for a relationship anyway, but I guess our feelings had a different plan for us. I just hope that these 3 weeks will do our relationship good and that I find something to busy myself with in the mean time. I've also been trying to come up with a plan for us to have a visit, of course that requires money sooo thus job is badly needed.

[yayagrl]

Does anyone else out there have any advice they can offer me?