SOs hanging out with their exes

[lademoiselle]

When I asked my SO today about his plans for the week ahead, he told me he might be seeing the woman who also happened to be his first girlfriend. They've hung out before in the past and it's never bothered me - their relationship ended a good four years ago now - but I know she broke up with her boyfriend late last week and the timing of their meeting makes me a bit uncomfortable (it's been a while since they last met up). I guess it's just my own insecurities speaking; the fact that she can enjoy his company in person and I can't is kind of upsetting, but I trust him so I'll just let him get on with it. I'm curious to hear what you guys would make of such a situation though!

How do/would you feel about your SO spending time with his/her ex?

[MeganK]

Oh no, that would never happen.
id never talk to my SO again if he started talking to his ex again.

[Haley53]

Depends on the ex.

One of his exes, I can't stand, and I did have to deal with him speaking to her/spending some time with her (not a lot) when his mother passed away. He was vulnerable and she weaseled her way back in. I'll admit it, no, I didn't trust him with her, especially not since we were on break at the time, and we did have to establish ground rules, in the sense that he had to tell me if something happened with her as opposed to stringing me along in the hope we'd end up getting back together. He said he'd never string me along, that he respected me too much for it, and he would tell me if something happened. Well, nothing did, but I'm not going to lie that I wouldn't still bristle if he said he was going to hang out with her. Even if they were at the same party and hung out surrounded by people, it would bother me. I wouldn't stop him from it and I would do my best not to let my insecurities shape my reaction/response to it, but it would bother me. I know that it's my issue, but it doesn't change the fact she still makes me feel horribly.

Other than that, I suppose if it were a different ex, I'd be more okay with it.

[lucybelle]

My SO is still friends with most of his exes. He says hi when he sees them and we sometimes hang out together in groups. I would definitely not be okay with him being one-on-one. Not that I don't trust him, but I just don't like the idea. Seems disrespectful. I'd never go hang with my ex one-on-one.

[ChibiFelicia]

It wouldn't happen. My SO doesnt want to keep in contact with ex's and i dont either. Our personal choices

[Kanga]

Nope, I wouldn't like it one bit. Then again, all his exes cheated on him, so I doubt he'd want any contact with them.

[temporaryuser]

mine wot even speak to his exes (even themother of his daughter). Bad ugly divorce and ugly breakup with next significant relationship he had.
But I wouldnt hang out with my ex either.
How would I feel in your situation? Like you, i would be upset that she gets to be in the same physical company as him. But if you trust him, then the thoughts need go no further than that.

[kiara_silver]

This topic or whatever the word is happened to me recently. Awhile back my SO had company over stayig with them, and I was messaging his mom, and she had told me about one of the girls staying with them, who used to be close to my SO but is now closer to his brother that they have more in common. Didn't think anything of it, but then on my SO's last visit, he let me know that that was actually his ex :x No biggie but I was just taken by surprise. I didn't know they were that close lol But Im fine with him and his past, im pretty much his first relationship apart from a friendship, and a quick thing.

[MeeshaLenee]

Like Eclaire said, it would depend on the ex. And, I guess, it would depend on my SO, too. My last SO, for example, I probably wouldn't have been entirely comfortable with him hanging out with an ex. We didn't have that come up (I was his first girlfriend), but based on how he handled interactions with most other girls, I don't know if I would have been able to trust him as much as I should have.

But really, I take it situation by situation. One of my previous SOs was on very good terms with his ex, and they still cared about each other but they knew they just couldn't make a relationship work. At the very beginning of our relationship, I was a little jealous and insecure about it, but I was able to get over it pretty quickly. I knew nothing was going to happen, and I even talked to her on the phone once or twice. They still watched out for each other and I was okay with that.

In your situation, I'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable for the same reasons, but since they seem to be on good terms anyway, if it were me I'd probably also just take a deep breath and let it go because that ex needs friends as much as any other person does, and if my SO is her friend, then he should be there for her.

[Sora1101]

I wouldn't really say anything about it, I mean he's a big boy he can choose for himself who he wants to hang out with but it would bother me. I mean just the fact that she gets to hang out and have a good time with him while I don't annoys me and I don't know, I trust my SO but he's a very....emotional person he will always have feelings for his exes and if they hung out one on one I'd be insecure about that. :/

[ioanna]

i'm on the other side of this. i'm still friends with a person i was in a relationship with and i don't use the word friend lightly. i don't like the term EX. for me, when i'm in a relationship with someone it's because they have qualities as a person that i value a lot, and that doesn't change after that person and i are no longer a couple. it does take time for a balance to find it's place. between my SO, my friend, my friend's SO and I and for everyone to be comfortable with the situation it took time, but patience trust and the respect for everyone's feelings has brought all of us to a nice place where we actually see things for what they are, not letting our insecurities or previous experiences dictate our lives. we are now enjoying an enriching friendship

it's ok for you to feel a bit jealous that you're SO's previous partner gets to spend time with him in circumstances that you can't share; and it's ok for you to feel a bit more jealous because she's a previous partner and not just a friend, but don't let yourself drown in that. more often than not there's nothing to worry about. your SO is with you for a reason, and that reason is still right there in you!

[Soyokaze]

My SO's best friends with one of his Ex-girlfriend's and good friends with most of the others so I don't really care. I think it's okay to be a little jealous but as long as you trust him it's no big deal. I know I was but that was mostly because she got to spend time with him and I'm so far away.

[CandiCandi]

I kinda have to put up with it to some degree, considering one is the mother of his children. Although, there are things she does that bothers me like asking us to move in with her. A big fat no. He has friends that are ex's though that I wouldn't mind him hanging out with. I trust him enough and most of them are married with kids now, anyway.

[Xanahtas]

I definately wouldnt be happy about it purely because i dont know them and i dont know what they're like. All i know is that a couple were quite flirty. The only one i'd be ok with him being around is the girl before me (me and her are good friends) and i trust them both.

[AliDance]

I never used to mind my SO hanging out with his (most recent) ex...until she started sending him very inappropriate text messages...it started a huge fight between us, and ended up with us agreeing that it'd be best if we don't hang out with ex's to try and prevent this from happening again!

I think it really depends on the ex though. Do you trust HER?