Its over and i found out the reason to out problems

[ninaneenthe]

after a year of our relationship its now over, we've been having troubles and now i know the reason behind it he's jewish with a father of strong believes and a mother who wants a divorse really bad and she wants to use her kids as an excusse. she's been waiting for one of her kids to get engaged or married to a none jew girl to ask for a divorse. am not jewish so my bf doesnt want to be the reason for their divorse (his brother felt the same he was with a girl for 4 yrs and she broke up with him for the same reasons) putting their relationship behind everything instead of standing up for themselves.
i am so devastated i cant stop crying am losing my bf and bestfriend because his mother wont stand up for her self and neither will he i dont know what to do but am glad this came out now rather than 3 yrs from now.
any wise words or advice is welcomed

[snow_girl]

I don't really understand why his mom doesn't just divorce him? What does who her children date have anything to do with it? I'm sorry you are going through this. I dont' really have any advice

[Yaaamiii]

Like Snow_Girl, I also don't understand what it had to do with it. I have no advice but I'm really sorry you're going through this. Keep yourself busy and with time you'll heal. Best of luck.

[ninaneenthe]

shes afraid she's been wanting a divorse for 22 years now that her kids are old enough and getting into serious relationship and maybe engagements she wants this as her way out she told me so herself 3 months ago but i ignored it. its so messed up i am so angry and sad and lonely i dont know what to do

[CandiCandi]

shes afraid she's been wanting a divorse for 22 years now that her kids are old enough and getting into serious relationship and maybe engagements she wants this as her way out she told me so herself 3 months ago but i ignored it. its so messed up i am so angry and sad and lonely i dont know what to do

I don't really understand how it would be her way out. :\ I am sorry that you're going through this as well, but I am with the other girls, I don't really understand his mom's reasoning. How is you getting married or engaged to him relevant to her getting a divorce?

[ninaneenthe]

The father would NEVER approve and she would support so that'd cause the divorse and she wouldnt have to do anything or take the fall for their unhappy marriage. its pretty messed up if you ask me

[lala]

wow I'm sorry that you have to deal with this... and I can't believe this happens because of religion! I am not a religious person (and soo happy that I'm not) so that I can't understand what's goin on there... have you tried to talk to his mum? or what did your SO say? I can't be together with you because my mum would get divorced? WTF?! if she wants to get divorced then she should do it..it's not your fault..it's his parents problem and should not do anything with you and your SO.

[ChibiFelicia]

Thats awful, sorry you're having to go through this but as you said its better finding out now. Still i dont get why she doesnt just divorce him then...i wonder how she feels about her sons screwing over their relationship for her well for want of a better word/phrase lack of backbone.

[ninaneenthe]

Me and his mom were really close my last stay we spent lots of time together she told me she's been meaning to divorse for the longest but she was waiting for her father to die to get his money in the will turns out last minute her mom took her off the will and she had no money so she decided to wait now she said and i can quote " am waiting for one of the boys to get married i know they'll never get married to a jewish girl so when my husband finds out we get a divorse and i get half of the money"
his mom see's what shes doing to her kids but she's too afraid to stand up for herself.
its pathetic

[lala]

Me and his mom were really close my last stay we spent lots of time together she told me she's been meaning to divorse for the longest but she was waiting for her father to die to get his money in the will turns out last minute her mom took her off the will and she had no money so she decided to wait now she said and i can quote " am waiting for one of the boys to get married i know they'll never get married to a jewish girl so when my husband finds out we get a divorse and i get half of the money"
his mom see's what shes doing to her kids but she's too afraid to stand up for herself.
its pathetic

and now he breaks up with you cause he doesn't want hos parents to break up???

[ninaneenthe]

yes i told him to tlak to his mom about it and she said we broke up because i might be afraid hes gonna meet someone the same way he met me.... which is ridiculous and shes jsut so ugh!!!! am so angry

[lala]

yes i told him to tlak to his mom about it and she said we broke up because i might be afraid hes gonna meet someone the same way he met me.... which is ridiculous and shes jsut so ugh!!!! am so angry

who what? I don't understand you.. WHY did he break up with you??

[Haley53]

I feel like he's making excuses for a decision he wanted to make to begin with. While I don't believe his mother should be putting that level of pressure on him or his brother, at the same time, his behaviour this past month, as you've described it, is not the behaviour of someone who's regretting "having" to break up with you because he doesn't want to be the cause of his mother's divorce. He's going to strip clubs with other women, he's told you he's not sure how he feels about other women, etc. Like I said on your other thread, my suspicion is more that he's simply no longer feeling the relationship, and while the issue of his mother might be playing into it, it's convenient that this came up around the same time he's been being disrespectful to your relationship with the way he treats other women. My opinion on this one would be to cut contact and work on taking care of yourself. Work on finding that psychologist so that you have someone to talk to once or twice a week and get your supports in place. Start taking care of you and do what you need to do to heal and move on, because this boy sounds like he's made up of excuses for a break-up he probably wanted to begin with. :/

[ninaneenthe]

Thank you so much everyone for your words