struggle bus.

[lyonsgirl]

My SO just texted me. Turns out the church he would like to work for-the church that has openings, isn't going to be hiring an audio guy just yet. Possibly not at all. I'm struggling with this new development, because I don't know if he has any other options. I don't know what this will mean for us. I don't know what this will do to our future. I'm beginning to lose hope that we'll be able to close the distance/get engaged this year.

I don't know what this means for my career, and I know you probably think it's selfish of me, but I was hoping he would get that job so I could find a new job. I've posted previously about this, but I don't know if I'm in the field I really want to be in. I don't enjoy my job any more, but I don't know if I would if I go back to the office.

How do I continue to be supportive of him when I'm struggling with my own issues? How do I continue to be supportive when I feel like everything is working against us?

[Haley53]

I am on my phone so can't really reply properly (will try when I'm home) but one place you could start is separating this event from your relationship. While I can understand your fears in relation to your relationship, everything with you is about engagement. It's about getting married. It's about not wanting to close the distance for "just a boyfriend" even though he has intentions of proposing. Because of this, you're putting an exponential amount of pressure on him, on you, on your decisions, and on the outcomes that neither of you can control. You seem to be so enamored with the idea of marriage that anything potentially upsetting/delaying it sends you in to a tailspin. If you can let go of pushing for it to happen, you may feel more relaxed.

The other thing is that his decisions should not determine whether or not you stay where you're unhappy. That's a decision over which you have full control and something you need to decide for yourself. I understand you likely don't want to quit and take a new job in case he gets a new job and you have to move, but you're putting your life on hold for something that hasn't yet happened, and it's been a while. You simply cannot live for someone else. If you're unhappy, work towards doing something about it. If you're worried about having to move, then take on a volunteer job or project on the side. Dabble around. Your work crisis has nothing to do with him, so quite frankly, if you're THIS unhappy, you should do something about it.

[lucybelle]

I am on my phone so can't really reply properly (will try when I'm home) but one place you could start is separating this event from your relationship. While I can understand your fears in relation to your relationship, everything with you is about engagement. It's about getting married. It's about not wanting to close the distance for "just a boyfriend" even though he has intentions of proposing. Because of this, you're putting an exponential amount of pressure on him, on you, on your decisions, and on the outcomes that neither of you can control. You seem to be so enamored with the idea of marriage that anything potentially upsetting/delaying it sends you in to a tailspin. If you can let go of pushing for it to happen, you may feel more relaxed.

The other thing is that his decisions should not determine whether or not you stay where you're unhappy. That's a decision over which you have full control and something you need to decide for yourself. I understand you likely don't want to quit and take a new job in case he gets a new job and you have to move, but you're putting your life on hold for something that hasn't yet happened, and it's been a while. You simply cannot live for someone else. If you're unhappy, work towards doing something about it. If you're worried about having to move, then take on a volunteer job or project on the side. Dabble around. Your work crisis has nothing to do with him, so quite frankly, if you're THIS unhappy, you should do something about it.

What Eclaire said.

[lyonsgirl]

After reading your reply, Eclaire, I am being forced to take a step back. I realize why you think that I'm all about engagement. I am not angry at you for thinking this-because yes, based on what I have posted here, it certainly seems like I am. While I am looking forward to it, I realize it may need to be put on hold. So I suppose I need to reevaluate what I posted. For this, it's not necessarily that the engagement might not be able to happen. It's more so that the closing the distance might not. I do want to close the distance, even though he is still, and may remain for a while, my boyfriend. (A fact that after a long weekend of thinking-and a reality check, I am okay with.)

I recognize I can't live my life for him. I also have forced myself to recognize, after reading what you wrote, Eclaire, that you are right. I am unhappy, so I have to change something. Now I just have to figure out what.

Thanks for the input.