Post-breakup

[Daylan]

Well, it's been a while since I've been on here...and for good reasons. My SO and I broke up a few months back and it was mostly due to the distance (but I believe she found someone else while we were together because she told me about this dude she's now seeing, but said that she didn't do anything) and while it SUCKED when we said our goodbye to the relationship, we're still friends afterwards. She told me that I should go and find someone else who makes me happy and whatever happens, she's behind it 100%. I told her the same thing, but after very little thought, I didn't really mean it. I always have fantasies that we might get back together because first and foremost: She was the first person to ever really make me happy and was the first person I ever fell in love with. There are other girls who I've thought about dating, but they're not like her...maybe it's the aspect that she was my first real love and nothing can change that. I know I have some girls that are interested in me because they show it without exactly saying (and I'm not bragging, I'm just telling it how it happens).

I don't know...I know that she's happy with this guy, and it should make me happy...but it doesn't. Maybe I'm jealous...maybe I'm suspicious that she was seeing someone on the side, who knows? I really don't have time anymore to see people because I work alot and mostly nights (I work as a deli associate in a grocery store), so I can't really have dates. It sucks too because I feel as though I would be a hell of alot happier with someone instead of being alone...I know I was when I was with Jess for our short 7-8 months. But, people discourage me from finding someone because I'm young and need to enjoy single life while I still can. I don't like the single life...sure, looking at hot women and all that great shit is awesome, but it's not completely satisfying to me. I'm the kind of person that needs someone else to be with. It sucks going to bed every night with nothing but my pillows to hold to, and it sucks to have a bunch of relationships with all my girl friends, yet not going anywhere past that: friends.

It's very irritating and I guess I just wanted to vent. I don't really talk about my personal life, so I keep it all to myself and I figured I say something to a bunch of strangers than to keep it and then unleash it on someone I care for. My ex told me I could talk to her about anything, but I don't want to make things awkward by saying "Hey, just wanted you to know that I'm still in love with you and I hope that you break up with that guy you're seeing and get back with me because I miss you soooooo much". No, that would be inappropriate....uuhhgg, I guess I'm not cut out for this LDR crap. But I say all the power to anyone who IS in one because it's hard as fuck....and if you can get through this, then you can get through anything when the time comes to close the distance.

Oh, and girls, a little tip: If you want to fuckin break off the relationship, don't say "I think we need to take a break". That's the cheapest line to use on someone other than the "it's not you, it's me" BS. Suck it up and say "hey, I think we need to break it off" because first of all, it's more direct and to the point. It doesn't lead the person on for a whole damn month before they crack. Second, they'll get over it faster. I know I would have because the whole "break" thing had me question myself for the longest time. Just tell them why and go about your business. I have no idea why Jess told me that we needed to take a break, but I sure as hell know that if she were to have said "it's over", then I wouldn't have waisted no time thinking that it could have been possible that we could get back together. In fact, I think she was WAY over before I was when she told me at one point that "if you love the person then you should set them free" or whatever kind of mushy shit like that. If she wanted out, she should have fuckin told me. But, I insisted that we stay together to figure things out. Of course, seeing that I'm typing this and you know that it's over, absolutely NOTHING was figured out.

ok, I'm done with my rant. If I get kicked from this forum for my language, it's fine because I don't think I'll ever be in a LDR ever again.

[Moon]

Awww...Listen, you've gotta get over the fantasy of getting back together, 'K? Until you do that, you cannot begin to heal enough to even think about dating someone else. If you haven't yet, and I know this sounds impossibly hard, break off all contact. No texts, no FB, no email, no calls, no IM, not doing this will only prolong your pain and cause bitterness and resentment that just aren't worth your time or energy.

I realize you loved her, but it's over now, and you have to find a way to move on. Of course the other girls aren't like her, everyone is unique Besides, it sounds like she shafted you pretty good, do you really want another one just like her? Understand though that sometimes young people haven't yet learned how to properly make a clean break, they're hard and uncomfortable, and sometimes it takes a few years of experience and wisdom before you learn how to do it right. It's not your fault.

Just remember that in the future what "taking a break" usually means. Take this experience and learn from it, you will be OK. Also, years and years ago I was a deli associate in a grocery store, those places are a hotbed for singles, take advantage of that when you feel ready Good luck to you.

[alesitag]

I'm sorry... breakups suck monkey balls, even more when it's a LDR.

Hang in there... sending positive thoughts your way

[kteire]

I agree with Moon, you need to cut off contact. It seems like she's been able to move on already, and that's probably massively due to her not seeing the break as a temporary thing, as you've said. It's unfair that she led you on instead of just being honest and breaking up with you.
You also said briefly that it should make you happy that she's happy with someone else... Says who?! Haha. You shouldn't feel like you have to be happy for her. She broke your heart and was the first one to move on to someone new, so you have every right to feel hurt by that. Don't try to tell yourself you're not feeling what you're supposed to! Again, that'll only get easier when you cut her out for a while. If you feel the need to talk to her about it, just be honest, you're not going to get over it and be ok with her being with someone else when you still love her.

Being single can suck, but what I always tell my single friends is, being single is only a temporary thing. It can suck if you let it, but it's the best time to learn about yourself and to explore your own life while you have the complete freedom to do so I never would have fulfilled my lifelong dream so young, and would have never met my SO, if I had sat around sad and alone the entire time I was single! So find something new to make you happy, break out of your routine and start to move on

[Romeo s Juliet]

an LDR really is hard, it talkes 2 people, two strong people. I understand your SO was not as strong as you are. all happens for the best, even though you dont see a reason for it now, u ll sure see a reason in the future
yes you mentioned that you like her alot and you typed what you directly wanted to say,
that you want her back because she misses you. but like moon said you need to get over that feeeling, and cut off communication with her, after all she broke ur heart saying she needed a break etc etc. and you sure do not want to hear the same ting again if you get back with her.
all the best i m sure you ll find ur soulmate soon good luck

[Softy]

My ex told me I could talk to her about anything, but I don't want to make things awkward by saying "Hey, just wanted you to know that I'm still in love with you and I hope that you break up with that guy you're seeing and get back with me because I miss you soooooo much".

Do it.
What do you have to lose?
You said you prefer the truth over mushy lies?
Then you should also be truthful to your own feelings yes?
Don't keep it inside.

I don't want to give you falso hope cuz that would sux.
But, I still think you should let out how you feel.

And if you need just to vent/chat, feel free

[Daylan]

lol, I don't care anymore. I haven't talked to her in days except for when she texted me. I asked how everything was, talked for a little and that's it. I'm looking for different people now and I feel like I moved on. It was a good run, but fuck THAT. I don't want to go through the same shit I was in for almost 8 months (softy) and kteire, you know, I was incredibly hurt and she moved on while being on the break (I'm sure)...she said the same thing to me because I guess she didn't feel as bad since she's the one who probably really didn't give a flying fuck. I, on the other hand, said the same thing, but of course was thinking "bullshit" the whole time, but I didn't want to admit it.

But, I gave it a few days (I think it was a week or so, idk I've been busy with work and friends) and now I could care less. I like being single now because I can look at all the hot girls and not feel guilty about it...hell, since I'm available, I can finally try my hand at this girl I've been liking for years and see if she's interested (we've made a date for next week to grab some coffee and then go back to her place to snuggle and watch a bad movie). So, I think life is good right now. Thanks for everyone's input! Y'all are the reason why I was able to go through 8 months of hell and not completely break. I would give every single one of y'all a hug right now if I could. I don't want to end the conversation here....let's talk about that girl I just mentioned...what do you think? Is it a "sign" that she's interested if she invited me to snuggle and stuff, or do girls just want to hang with their guy friends really close? lol, I think it's the first thing :P I mean, she's always like "DAYLAN!" when she sees me, she enjoys the fact that I'm the only one who can pick her up when we hug, and I mean...her mom really loves me. She's been knowing me since middle school and I'm sure she wants me to date her daughter. I can see it! It's totally obvious.....either that, or she just sees me as a means to get grandbabies and that's it :P lmao

[Irina_Linn]

lol good to see you in good mood so tell us more bout the gal! how did the date go and what u think u do next?

[Romeo s Juliet]

well i think its great that you decided to move on. but on a quick note, i suggest you take things slow with the new girl, and maybe start dating her once you feel confident that you have let ur past go, and take time off to concentrate on your self and grow as a person.
seems like the new girl and you have a good connection as friends. hanging around and get to know her on a deeper level as a friend. friendship provides a good foundation for a relationship. so take time to hang out as good friends, and dont jump into a conclusion fast
keep the forum updated and good luck

[mofet]

First, to reply to your original post, I think you're right. Break ups ALWAYS suck, so there's no need to sugar coat things.
Be strong about your own decision, even if it hurts the other person, because it will be better than not doing anything and stalling the whole healing process.
I am glad to know that you are feeling better.
Hopefully you'll find someone who's a better match.