a question for the girlfriends

[wr1312ec]

ok so my BF is going through some really really tough times and I love it that he is comfortable enough with me to talk to me and if it's really bad even cry to me. my question is this....when your BF turns to you as their rock and person to lean on how do you stay so strong for them? Like my BF has literally been to hell and isn't quite back yet, every single possible thing that could go wrong for him did. I always thought that i was such a strong person but when things got so bad for him and there was nothing for me to do i felt so bad. things are started to get a little better for him very very slowly, but it's hard sometimes to stay strong. so ladies how do you stay strong for your man?

[Haley53]

You take care of you. If you're feeling overwhelmed, you do what you need to do to relax. You take a bath. You go out for a run. You spend some time with your pets. Whatever helps you unwind, you do it. You make sure to make time for family/friends, those that you're close to. You get enrolled in things you enjoy. You take out a new book every other week and challenge yourself to finish it. Essentially, you make sure that you're in a good place emotionally and mentally. You cannot help the place that they're in, but you can keep yourself sane. If you don't, you're going to end up stressed out and up to your neck in his problems that you don't know how to handle because of how they're effecting you. Having a boyfriend who has also been to hell and is still going through it, making sure I took care of me, too, is pretty much what saved me my sanity.

[CandiCandi]

ok so my BF is going through some really really tough times and I love it that he is comfortable enough with me to talk to me and if it's really bad even cry to me. my question is this....when your BF turns to you as their rock and person to lean on how do you stay so strong for them? Like my BF has literally been to hell and isn't quite back yet, every single possible thing that could go wrong for him did. I always thought that i was such a strong person but when things got so bad for him and there was nothing for me to do i felt so bad. things are started to get a little better for him very very slowly, but it's hard sometimes to stay strong. so ladies how do you stay strong for your man?

My guy has been through a lot too, but the thing is I remind myself that I would want him (as he always has been) to be strong for me, if I was going through something. When you love someone, it's not so hard to be strong.

[marbear31]

Listen. Don't always feel like you have to "fix" his situation--often, he just wants to be heard. Offer support, empathy, kindness, and tell him you are there for him no matter what. Of course, you can give your input--I'm sure it's something he'd naturally value from you--but just shower him with affection, love, and understanding.

He'll love you even more for it.

And I'm so sorry your bf is going through tough times...hugs to you both!

[LeilaniJoi]

Just be there for him, without judging. It will bring you closer

[Ana Lilly]

I remind myself of all the wonderful things he has done for me and all the times he has been there for me. Sometimes you have to remind yourself of how much you love him and that in the hell he is going through you are his little piece of heaven

[Softy]

It comes naturally to me, even when I was a child I always liked to listen and help others.
I am not rich but I do what I can to help ppl around me.
If a friend or even more my love needs a shoulder to lean on and someone to hear him without judging, I'll be there.

I find that a lot of ppl 'hear' but they don't 'listen'.
In this world, ppl are quick to judge and toss away.

So just be there, listen and smile, this alone is already a lot and it's free.
And sometimes just doing that for someone can make him feel a lot better and change things around for the best.

[sharonW]

I dont' know what your boyfriend is going through at the moment, but I think it might help you relax a bit by telling him how you're feeling. Yes, your emotional problems might sound nothing compared to his trouble, but couples comfort each other and share their feelings. Your boyfriend might just be in so much stress that he forgets you're under a lot of pressure too. So try to talk to him about it. Sometime all we need is just a hug or some caring words like "Everything will be fine".

[lala]

I don't know what you mean with trouble or a "hard time".. but when I see that my SO has some problems with work or family I listen to him (we chat- don't talk). I try to ask him about his problems and show him that I feel him or share my experiences (if it fits with his ones). If he feels down I try to build him up and tell him how amazing he is. Sometimes I try to find a solution or an advice but with advice I'm careful as it can sound like I know everything better and tell him what he should do. I'm just there for him and help him to deal with his stuff. I am happy that he share his problems with me although I know he is not telling me everything and his deep inner thoughts..but that's ok ,it comes with time and the trust we bulid up.

[aeiouna]

Listen. Don't always feel like you have to "fix" his situation--often, he just wants to be heard. Offer support, empathy, kindness, and tell him you are there for him no matter what. Of course, you can give your input--I'm sure it's something he'd naturally value from you--but just shower him with affection, love, and understanding.

He'll love you even more for it.

And I'm so sorry your bf is going through tough times...hugs to you both!

I second this. You said it better than I could have.

[wr1312ec]

thank you everyone...he is doing better, he is still going thru somethings. but i talked to him monday night and he sounded happier than he had been. he actually told me yesterday that i'm always there for him and that he is the luckiest guy ever and that i'm always making things better and if not that i sure try hard enough and that he love me <3
I just have a hard time with trying not to fixing things i just hate to see him so upset and just want to do whatever i can to make him happy because he means so much to me. i know it may sound weird or maybe too soon to say it but i really think that he might be "the one" for me. he is my first boyfriend and we've been together secretly for 5 months. my parents don't really approve of him and told me that they don't want me to see him but right now we are trying to figure out a way to change thier minds. i really don't want to keep him a secret he makes me sooooooooo happy.

[XxFranticLovexX]

thank you everyone...he is doing better, he is still going thru somethings. but i talked to him monday night and he sounded happier than he had been. he actually told me yesterday that i'm always there for him and that he is the luckiest guy ever and that i'm always making things better and if not that i sure try hard enough and that he love me <3
I just have a hard time with trying not to fixing things i just hate to see him so upset and just want to do whatever i can to make him happy because he means so much to me. i know it may sound weird or maybe too soon to say it but i really think that he might be "the one" for me. he is my first boyfriend and we've been together secretly for 5 months. my parents don't really approve of him and told me that they don't want me to see him but right now we are trying to figure out a way to change thier minds. i really don't want to keep him a secret he makes me sooooooooo happy.

You're an adult dear, they shouldn't be able to control whether or not you can see him. Hiding your relationship isn't really a good idea in the end because it will break their trust (if they have any) and make it less likely for them to accept it.
My so has a mother who would disapprove of our relationship (idk if he has come out and told her about it completely or not, but everyone else in his house knows), but I'm being nice to her regardless and he has told her that he is going to be with whomever he wants to be with (with her approval or not), because that is who will make him happy.
He could do what I have been doing and try just sending nice gestures their way occasionally, maybe? Like a happy birthday, happy mothers/fathers day, well wishes, saying hello occasionally, etc and see if that helps. It may or may not but at least it's worth trying.
Don't sacrifice your happiness for someone else though, even your parents. You are the one that has to live with your decisions in the end. ^_^;