Just got off the phone with my boyfriend... not the best conversation, definitely not the conversation I was expecting to have. He was talking about how he's been really unhappy lately, how everything has been making him mad and he wasn't sure what was going on. We talked about it, about his job, which has been stressing him out to no end, etc. Then he said something about how he knew what the reasons were, he just had to turn them into positives. After some silence, I eventually took the bait and asked if it had something to do with us and our relationship. He admitted that it did. The distance is starting to take its toll, he's been super lonely and depressed without me there, that he isn't happy with our relationship right now, and is still having problems getting over something that happened with us back in January, something I did that left him feeling very betrayed. We had a plan to close the distance and a company in my state contacted me about a potential job. I hadn't been looking, but I met with them, and they offered me the position. It would have had a better raise, shorter commute, and I was so frustrated with my job, I took it without discussing it with him because I thought the raise would help me save money/pay down bills so I could get down to him faster. Needless to say, he was pissed and hurt that I didn't discuss it with him, and I completely understand why, and it's something he's still having a hard time moving past. I feel absolutely horrible about it, but I can't change it and beating myself up for it isn't going to help. I've apologized and am trying to move forward. There's a new plan to close the distance, and a back up plan just in case I don't have a job by the end of August, but until it happens, it's just words to him. He's worried that I won't move down to him, even though all my life has been about for the past two weeks is going through stuff and applying for jobs to prepare, and I've kept him in the loop on things. I was honestly so scared that our relationship would be over after tonight because the conversation seemed to steer that way a couple of times, but he said that he loves me and cares about me deeply and wants to be with me, wants us to be together. I want to be with him too, more than anything. We've agreed to be more open with each other instead of this happening again, where something builds and builds, and I told him I thought something was wrong but wasn't sure how to bring it up. He said he wasn't sure either, because he didn't want to say he was unhappy and have me thinking it would be followed by something "we both don't want to hear". I guess we're just in a rocky patch and I'm hoping we can eventually get through it. Tonight hurt, but hopefully it was a good start? I just wish I knew how to help him move past my mistake.
![Frown](https://members.lovingfromadistance.com/core/images/smilies/frown.png)
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