What is this feeling?

[Butterfly-x]

Hey guys..
I've found myself in a rather uncomfortable situation and i've been thinking about it, trying to figure out what im really feeling but without success, so maybe you guys can give me some insights.

My SO and i have been together for about 1yr and 6mths, and for the past week i've been feeling strange about him. I cant explain and especially since i dont know the real source of this weird feeling, i dont know how to tackle it. Firstly, the atmosphere at home isnt exactly great.. generally negative and i feel very constrained. I dont get on too well with my parents for this reason, and tend to keep to myself.I don
t have a summer job, applied to some places and awaiting replies. Hanging out with my friends isnt too much of an option cause we arent too like-minded and the connection isnt really there. So, as you can see, there isnt really too much for me to do but sit alone..sleep and feel negative.

Then, theres my relationship with my SO.
Recently, ive been really short with him, impatient, not acting too interested and ive turned him down a couple of times. it's almost as if im falling out of love, though i hate to think so. we've been through so much together... and ive never felt this way. im so scared. i feel as though i should talk to him about it but im so sfraid to hurt his feelings.
there's also the possibility that im acting this way because i miss his physical presence. Being with him makes me forget all my problems, but since we last parted, nothing really makes me smile. i constantly dread the fact that we still have 3 more years of this and i wont be able to travel to his country to visit because my dad took my passport and refuses to give it to me til i graduate at 21. (he's controlling like that). i should mention that im 18 ><

uhm... idk guys, tell me what you think.
i really hate this feeling a lot. i know i love my SO but why do i feel this way? ( has anyone ever experienced this?

[maja]

ive been feeling really weird about my SO a couple of months ago and just like you i didnt wanna say anything so he wouldnt get hurt. Then i realised that i just miss him too much and had an überbreakdown and spent the whole night crying and my best friend had to come over and stay over night (my bf called him and sent him over cos he was scared i do something stupid) and well in the end it did help. I think it was just this sort of despair that comes with knowing you wont get to see him for a long time...i felt so lost and hurt but i didnt want to and kinda blocked out that feeling and that way kinda blocked out all the feelings for my bf so they couldnt hurt me...but crying and letting it all out did help and now everything is fine again
i hope you feel better soon!!!

[Caitlin2009]

i get those feelings as well, including recently but i chalk it down to the fact that i miss her like hell, and afraid she'll leave me first like other people have. im think it will go away once i finally get to see her

[ErinKristine]

It does sound like it's you missing your SO and probably just feeling down and stressed about your home situation. I couple weeks ago I was going through a lot of stuff and my SO and I couldn't communicate for two weeks because he was in a locked down training and I ended up sending him a REALLY angry email totally over reacting about something. It happens and it's just something that has to be worked through.

[Tanja]

I feel exactly like that and I know that it's because the situation at home - I've had so much bad luck these past months it's beyond belief and I don't know how much longer I can cope alone.

I thought we'd be living together this summer but it won't happen until next year and I'm so so sick of this distance, it feels like it never ends (we've been together for 2 years and 7 months). It's just all the stress and negative things plus missing our SO's that's making us feel like this. I really doubt you're falling out of love with him, this is just a bumb on the road and everything will turn out just fine, at least I refuse to think otherwise.

Maybe get a new hobby to give you something to do, something that would make you feel more positive about everything?

[Butterfly-x]

Aw, thank you guys so much for the reply.
It's so nice to know that other are going through or have gone through the same thing. -Sighs of relief-
I was going to talk to my SO about it but i really think this is something i have to work on alone. I mean, he knows about my home situation and how it affects me and tries to make me feel better all the time, but sometimes its just not enough, you know. Escaping everything just seems like the better option at times.
Really hoping to get a job this summer and if not, i ll just have to stick it out and do something else to keep me busy, and positive..like ironing! haha ^_^

@Tanja
I understand the feeling of being sick of the distance.I'm currently counting 3 years to end this horrible distance, but it might even be longer than that. Sucks too much, but on good days, i try not to think about it. On the bad days, thats a completely different story, and a depressing one
Anyway, i hope things start to look up for you soon! Hugs*

[Bluestars]

I just wanted to ditto the others. I am sort of in the same situation as you. I just got out on break a month ago, and have not been working because I have been waiting to find out when I could start my summer job. In the meantime, because I am almost completely broke, I just stay at the house all day and act like a bum. I probably get around eleven to thirteen hours of sleep a night because I have nothing better to do when I wake up other than watch TV or read >.< I do not have any friends in my hometown because I had extreme social anxiety in high school, so I can't hang out with people either.

When I feel empty inside when talking to my SO and begin to feel distant, I try to remind myself that he is not the problem, I am just unhappy with being home all day with nothing to do, and I sometimes may take that out on him. It also makes me more likely to get irritated at him or completely overreact over everything. I start working on Wednesday, so I am happy that all of this will be over, but I know how you feel.

Some things you might do to make yourself feel better:
*Go outside and get sunshine or go for a walk! This can really make a day seem much brighter!
*Trying doing something different that you wouldn't usually do.
*Make your SO a craft and send it to him.
*Apply for tons of jobs during the day.
*Hang out with your family (I often forget about them myself).
AND
*If all else fails, maybe you could volunteer somewhere so that you have something to occupy yourself with. This is what I was planning on doing if I couldn't find a job

Best of wishes