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Headed for a break up

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    Headed for a break up

    It really pains me to have to write a post like this.

    2 and a half weeks ago I went to visit my SO for 9 days and the visit went really bad. This was my 3rd visit to him since we went LD and the first time I really questioned the strength of our relationship. He seemed different from the moment he picked me up at the airport...not excited to see me, less affectionate. We stayed at his aunt's house like we always do, but the thing is this time- he left me. As in he went out to run some errand or visit a friend or take a walk (after we had been fighting). I spent hours at a time sitting in a room, alone. This just left me and his family to believe that he was up to something (which he angrily denied). I spent the majority of my time there fighting with him or crying and in between we had some moments where I thought we could possibly salvage our relationship.

    When I brought up breaking up he said that's not what he wanted. Up until the morning I left, he told me we would be in communication and work things out. I feel like we lost the trust we previously had. It also became clear to me he is fine with me having to do all the work as far as closing the distance goes. It's like with this visit I saw a different side of him and feel completely blindsided.

    I am confused and heartbroken right now. I came home over a week ago and have not heard anything from him. Our communication is very limited to begin with, but he has not even made an effort to contact me. I called his aunt yesterday and she said to just leave him be and give him time to figure out what he wants. While I was there, his family (parents & aunt & uncle) openly told me how they didn't like how he was treating me. I felt embarrassed by the whole thing being that I sacrificed a lot to make this visit happen. Last night I deleted him from my facebook hoping it would give me some kind of closure.

    My friends and family are telling me it's a good thing I saw this side of him now. I feel like complete shit though, so it's hard to see the bright side of all of this.

    #2
    Oh sweetheart my heart goes out to you!!! I'm so sorry for what's happening right now, but I promise you'll be all right. I'm here if you need to chat, and don't ever forget you are beautiful and strong. much love to you, and so many hugs as well. I hope things work out, but, if not, you WILL get through this.

    "I love thee to the depth, and breadth, and height my soul can reach..." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

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      #3
      Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you can find the closure you need, whether you find out why he's acting like this or not.

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        #4
        I'm sorry as well maybe he has just a phase.. or he has some issues and he can't talk about it.. he has to be honest with you or it's better for you to break up with him, I agree! I just hope you can talk things out and find the best solution!

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          #5
          Thats not the visit you were hoping for. I'm hoping you can find some closure, you deserve someone way better. Now I hope he's got a good explanation for his behaviour.
          Hugs!!!

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            #6
            I'm so sorry
            It's ok to feel bad about this, everyone in your situation would. Like lala I hope that it's just some personal problems he can't talk about right now.

            You're such a smart and great person, though - you'll be fine in the end, no matter how things turn out. Just be nice to yourself.

            Być tam, zawsze tam, gdzie Ty.

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              #7
              I'm sorry this happened to you. My heart breaks with every break up post I read.

              No one deserves to be treated that way after so much effort and sacrifice.

              If you need someone to talk feel free to PM me anytime...

              “Laughing like children, living like lovers, rolling like thunder under the covers”

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                #8
                Aw I hope everything's okay.. that you'll be okay with whatever happens. It's probably a good thing you saw this now... but it's still heartbreaking and I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray you're okay.

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                  #9
                  I m sorry you are going through this kind of situation. I think you have all the right to question him as to why he is treating you like that. him not being excited to see you, and just ditching you like that, it is not fair to you when you traveled miles and miles to go see him. I can understand that he could be going through a hard time, and he wants to go in to his manhood cave and solve them alone. but treating you like this has to have a reason.
                  You should talk directly to him about your feelings. and just ask what he needs. and then take action from there on.
                  good luck

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                    #10
                    My heart sunk when I read this

                    I'm so sorry! I was really routing for the two of you, you have gone through so many challenges. Plus I'm always a little biased for Latin American couples. I hope that however this turns out, it's the best for both of you. I'm glad his family is supporting you in whatever decision you two make.

                    Best wishes, take care.

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                      #11
                      Ditto on what lucybelle said. I was really rooting for you guys as well. I hope everything works out for you in the end, life has a funny way of doing that sometimes. I'm sorry for your heartache . Best wishes.

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                        #12
                        sorry to hear that but well if he really is like that then maybe its even good you saw his bad side before things went really really serious...i mean,if to throw away thoughts of "i have to be with him because i do not find serious reasons to break up" maybe its not a really strong relationship? i do not ask you to break up and moreover recommend to think twice whether you are really sure in your future with him.but for me its suspicious he didnt even try contacting you.seems he doesnt even want to work things out and just hides.i would advice to think again,really and critically evaluate if its really worth it

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                          #13
                          Originally posted by Romeo s Juliet View Post
                          I m sorry you are going through this kind of situation. I think you have all the right to question him as to why he is treating you like that. him not being excited to see you, and just ditching you like that, it is not fair to you when you traveled miles and miles to go see him. I can understand that he could be going through a hard time, and he wants to go in to his manhood cave and solve them alone.
                          I agree with this ^

                          you need to stand up for what you want in a relationship/what makes you happy. It sounds like your trip was just heart breaking.. I really feel for you, after everything you put into the relationship he treats you like this, relationships are a two way street and at this point it isn't.. which is just not fair on you.

                          in the end, you need to take the path that will make you happy in your life. Let us know how things go?
                          Met Online: February 2009
                          Feelings grew: January 2011
                          First met in person: 4 April - 16 April 2011
                          Officially together since: 4th of April 2011
                          Second visit: 29 June - 1 August 2011
                          Third visit: 28 September - 15 October 2011
                          Fourth visit: 19 January - 25 February 2012
                          Fifth visit: 24 March - 12 April 2012
                          Sixth visit: 2 June - 7 July 2012
                          Engaged: 1st of July 2012
                          Seventh visit: 27 August - 23 September
                          Visa lodged: 5th of November 2012
                          Eighth visit: 8 December 2012 - 12 January 2013
                          Visa granted: 8th of May 2013
                          Hawaii: 19 May - 2 June 2013
                          Closed the distance: 16th of July 2013

                          Married my Englishman on the 4th of October 2013

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                            #14
                            I'm sorry to hear this, I really thought this visit would be the thing to help clear it all up and make him fight harder... but as my friend always tells me "Boys are dumb".

                            You're not stupid, or any of that though, don't get down on yourself for loving him and putting in the effort that you have. That's a good thing. I'm glad his family were supportive of you too, and could see something was a miss. I know that doesn't make it better but I guess it'll help you not wonder if you just imagined it after a while.

                            Be kind to yourself, we're all here for you.
                            Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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