I can't get his words out of my head. x_x

[Razorbladekissed]

One week from today, my wonderful SO will be here. Our first meeting! Exciting right?! For the past couple of months of planning this and the days getting closer, I've not been nervous (and I'm typically a very nervous person.) I've only been excited and a little scared, but never nervous. He has always reassured me that everything would be great. Maybe not perfect but things between me and him, would go great. I never once doubted that me and him would get along just like we do now. Okay.. once.. when we first started talking about meeting, I thought about it but he told me that it'd be fine. That it wouldn't happen. Everything's been fine since, Ive been so sure about it. I mean we've even planned on possibly extending our visit and I was going to possibly go back with them until the end of Summer. It was all going great and I was so confident about everything, then today, we were talking about it and he said, "we don't honestly know how well we will hit it off." Now, I can't get those words out of my head. I mean, I guess it's true but, he's never seemed to doubt it and I've only doubted it that once. Just yesterday he was saying that he'd rather I stay with him for good instead of just 'til the end of Summer. I understand and know that it'll be awkward at first, but... now I'm nervous that we won't hit it off and I'll lose him and I'm a little confused. I'm also starting to question whether or not he really wants us to come back with them. I just...I don't know. I can't get those words out of my head. They keep repeating over and over and its tearing at my confidence a little.
I guess I just needed to rant for a second.

[Haley53]

I would try not to let his words bother you too much. I understand that it's hard, but think about it, he's probably as nervous as you are. A little nerves and doubt (or a lot nerves and doubt) are to be expected when meeting one another for the first time and your partner is no exception - even if he never doubted it before. Heck, my partner and I were fine until about a week before our first visit, which was when we started bickering like madmen; we were even bickering as I boarded the second plane that would land me in Dublin! Nerves are normal. I understand it's hard not to let his words get to you, but try to keep them in perspective.

[Razorbladekissed]

I would try not to let his words bother you too much. I understand that it's hard, but think about it, he's probably as nervous as you are. A little nerves and doubt (or a lot nerves and doubt) are to be expected when meeting one another for the first time and your partner is no exception - even if he never doubted it before. Heck, my partner and I were fine until about a week before our first visit, which was when we started bickering like madmen; we were even bickering as I boarded the second plane that would land me in Dublin! Nerves are normal. I understand it's hard not to let his words get to you, but try to keep them in perspective.

Yeah. I know he's nervous, I want to talk to him about it tonight, just to see how he is feeling about it and to find out if he still wants me to come back with them. Basically just to try and calm my doubts. Thanks. It's nice to know it's not abnormal to start doubting now.
BTW.. happy early birthday!!

[Haley53]

Yeah. I know he's nervous, I want to talk to him about it tonight, just to see how he is feeling about it and to find out if he still wants me to come back with them. Basically just to try and calm my doubts. Thanks. It's nice to know it's not abnormal to start doubting now.
BTW.. happy early birthday!!

Haha, nope. I think most of us have experienced the first visit jitters! Thank you for the birthday wish, and I hope your talk with him goes well!

[Sierra]

What he's saying is the truth. Before my boyfriend and I met for the first time we talked before hand about how we MAY not hit it off and how we'd handle it if we didn't. I wouldn't worry or obsess over this, it's just the nature of being in a relationship with someone you haven't met yet. Stay confident and I'm sure it'll be fine, but I would think that he was probably trying to eliminate some of the pressure of meeting for the first time, whether it be in his own mind or in a way he sees it as hopefully being comforting to you.

[Zephii]

What he's saying is the truth. Before my boyfriend and I met for the first time we talked before hand about how we MAY not hit it off and how we'd handle it if we didn't. I wouldn't worry or obsess over this, it's just the nature of being in a relationship with someone you haven't met yet. Stay confident and I'm sure it'll be fine, but I would think that he was probably trying to eliminate some of the pressure of meeting for the first time, whether it be in his own mind or in a way he sees it as hopefully being comforting to you.

This. I personally think not facing up to the fact (however slim) that it might now work is a bit naive. Of course there is a chance it wont. But on the other hand - you already know each other. You've already hit it off in a big way. There's no reason to tie yourself in knots now if you have not before, because, frankly you should not be basing your thoughts and feelings on the values, beliefs and claims of another. If he's 100% confident too that's great! But if he isn't that's fine too, not a big deal at all.

Don't worry so much mate. Worry is like a rocking horse, it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.

[sewbama]

So my first LDR, we met about a month and a half after we started talking online. I didn't let myself think we wouldn't hit it off or anything. I didn't acknowledge that our online relationship would be different than our in-person relationship.

So when we did meet, I wasn't attracted to him, and there was very little chemistry between us. We couldn't talk the same as we had online. It just wasn't right. But I wouldn't let myself think that because our online talks had been so awesome. After a few months, we closed the distance, and were together for almost a year and a half. But it was always this weird dichotomy because our conversations were always so much different than our relationship. We talked about things, but we didn't connect. I don't really know how to describe it. But I wouldn't let myself let go because I had liked talking to him so much. At the end though, I got very depressed because I saw myself headed for a future with him just because I couldn't admit it wasn't right. Eventually I was ok with him not being the right guy for me, and I moved on. So did he. And I think we are both better off for it.

I don't tell you this because it's going to happen to you. And honestly, it probably won't. An unusual set of circumstances (including his mental and social disorders) led to him being a truly different person online than in person. But I do want you to understand that what he's saying is true, and healthy to acknowledge. You have to understand that by meeting him you are still in the getting to know him phase of your relationship, when you find out how well you'll get along and how you'll interact. It's healthy to understand that it may not be perfect. But in all likelihood, it will be fine. There are bumps in every relationship. Being nervous and unsure doesn't mean he (or you) doubts the depth of your feeling or the strength of your relationship. It's just nerves. But just enjoy meeting him. Enjoy finding out what it's like to hold his hand, or kiss him, or be in his arms. Enjoy the discovery.

You guys will be fine. You've been talking for months. This is the best part. Enjoy it.

Best of luck.

[Zapookie]

I think your SO is just being realistic. It doesn't mean that he doesn't want you or your relationship. You have to also think about the what if's, and it's sensible to prepare yourself for those kinds of scenarios. Of course, you hope it's going to go well and it that it will be like you've known each other forever, but there's a possibility that it might not, so that's something you also need to keep in mind.

[LeilaniJoi]

So my first LDR, we met about a month and a half after we started talking online. I didn't let myself think we wouldn't hit it off or anything. I didn't acknowledge that our online relationship would be different than our in-person relationship.

So when we did meet, I wasn't attracted to him, and there was very little chemistry between us. We couldn't talk the same as we had online. It just wasn't right. But I wouldn't let myself think that because our online talks had been so awesome. After a few months, we closed the distance, and were together for almost a year and a half. But it was always this weird dichotomy because our conversations were always so much different than our relationship. We talked about things, but we didn't connect. I don't really know how to describe it. But I wouldn't let myself let go because I had liked talking to him so much. At the end though, I got very depressed because I saw myself headed for a future with him just because I couldn't admit it wasn't right. Eventually I was ok with him not being the right guy for me, and I moved on. So did he. And I think we are both better off for it.

Oh. My. Gods. O.O you just described my last relationship to a "T"... except it took me 8 years to get out of it *facepalm*

I think the OP's SO is being realistic too. It may be that he is nervous and that is his way of distancing a bit to protect himself as well. I know mine right before our first visit got a little distant as well, not bad but just not talking as much. When we met though, it was magical If it had been ANYTHING like my ex I would have ended it there but we had so much chemistry that it all just clicked and it was amazing!

Don't worry too much about his words. I agree there is always the possibility that it won't be what you expected, but that's a slim chance. Just enjoy your visit with him and get to know each other in person. If it's anything like my SO and I, there was no "getting to know" because the mesh was there in person as strong as it was online.

Good luck!
Blessed Be

[rina]

I'm pretty much in the same situation but the only thing that stops me from worrying is that he is, before anything else, my best friend, and even if we won't work as a couple, he will still be there for me, as i will be for him, as we have been for each other for 4yrs+

Try to keep your mind busy with all the wonderful things you will be doing together and try not to get ahead of your self with worrying. I'm the person that lives in the future, he's the person that lives in the present, and i'm trying to pick this up from him. He doesn't worry about an issue until he's faced with it. Maybe your guy is the same way?

[MissButterfly]

I had exactly the same feelings and people around me kept asking me how I knew he wasn't some sort of psycho or something -.-". You just have to trust that you know him, so his personality won't be very different from how you know him. Of course, there are habits you don't know that you'll have to get used to, but for me those were small things, mostly cultural differences (even though we're both in western countries...). Worries are natural and part of the experience, not being a bit nervous at all would be worse! Just talk about what you'll do if things don't work out the way you hoped. Hopefully you won't need any plan B's and you'll have an amazing experience! And don't get too worried, because in pretty much all cases everything goes very naturally

[Razorbladekissed]

Thanks everyone. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I "freaked out" over what he said. Looking back now it was silly to get so upset about it. I think it's just the excitement and everything with the upcoming visit starting to get to me. I've noticed a lot of silly things are affecting me differently. I know everything is going to go fine, and I know that he is just nervous, (as am I now, 5 more days!!) but it's going to be great. Thanks again. ♥

[princessmeg1328]

I think your SO is being realistic. Even though most first visits go well, not all of them do. Some that don't go well, end up having a happy ending too though. I'm going to tell you a story about my SO and me.

My SO and I first met while I was on vacation in England. Things went well, and we really hit it off during that week. He set himself up on skype and we emailed pretty much every day even before we were officially together. Our first visit after we made things official was about three months after we first met. It was awful. Within 24 hours of me arriving, he broke up with me. I don't remember the reasons why now, but I had no idea what I was going to do. I was in a foreign country, and the only people I knew lived with him. There was nowhere else for me to go, and I didn't have any money for a hotel. I knew that he was who I wanted to be with so I forced him to talk to me, and we decided before the end of my trip to get back together. Now here we are a year and a half later, and we're getting married next year.

I guess the point of my story is that even if things don't go well, it doesn't mean they can't get better later. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want (unless there's a serious problem). I hope your first visit goes a lot better than mine did, and that everything works out for you two.