Frustrated SO

[dorabase93]

My SO and I planned to go on a volunteer to a third country this summer. The application process was almost finished until I found out that my visa expiry date was not long enough to apply for a schengen visa. I told my SO about the bad news and she got so furious. She told me that I hurt her, break her hope and destroy every plan we made. And she told that we should take a break after what I have done. This is the first time I have ever made a visa, in a foreign country therefore I could get everything that they require. Still I feel so bad for not reading through everything and making her like this. I talked to her and she seemed very desperate about the broken plan and blame me for the carelessness. I don't know what to do to make her calmer now besides saying sorry. Please help

[Haley53]

How long has it been since this happened? Though some of what she said was, I feel, unfair, it's possible she was simply extremely disappointed and angry that it happened and ended up lashing out as a result. If it's something that happened recently (within the last day or two), my best advice would be to give her some time to cool down and breathe about it. I imagine that it probably hurts because it interferes with your plans not only to travel with her, but to see her (I'm assuming), and so her disappointment may be a bit overwhelming for her too, currently.

[dorabase93]

It just happened a few hours ago (and still going on) and I am really disappointed about this too. and now she's talking about not being able to trust me (that I would make her happy and always be there for her...) and I feel a bit demotivated because everything we had was built on trust and determination and what she said make me feel kinda bad

[Irina_Linn]

i think she is overreacting,seriously.just yeah wait a little and try explain afterwards it is not your fault like entirely and maybe try find out some other ways to get visa or sth? just try find a solution if possible.but for me it seems her reaction was a bit too much....did you meet before btw?

[dorabase93]

we were friends for 3 years and start our relationship a month before I study abroad. this is our first year separated and we planned a lot on this trip a few months ago so I understand why she acted like this with such short notice I don't think there is any solution for this (that's not against the law). I'm just worried she'll still be like this until she goes there or even when she comes back. it was my fault that I was careless and raise our hope too high but there's nothing I can do about this. I just hope she might feel better soon.

[Haley53]

My guess would be she'll ultimately come to her senses. Yes, it's an overreaction, but she's hurt. We all overreact sometimes, whether we like it or don't, and we all have different triggers. This happens to be hers. Mine would be to let her cool off and if she continues to berate you, I would tell her that you understand she's upset, but you feel like you both need some time to clear your head about the situation, and leave. Let her storm off and be angry until she sleeps it off or does whatever she needs to do to get over it. It's a recent wound, so it might take a day or two for her to completely come to her senses, but my guess is that it will happen and that what she's saying right now is out of anger, frustration, and disappointment more than it is her being honest about your relationship. Don't try to talk sense into her currently, however. My advice would be to go off and do your own thing while she has her tantrum until she's calmed down and able to handle it.

[mofet]

I can understand that she's feeling upset. It's probably a culmination of things-- seeing as you guys have only just been separated by your studying abroad.
She was looking forward to the program, and so this may feel like you've made a huge mistake.
But these things happen and it wasn't done out of a cruel intention so once she realizes this, I'm sure she will come round.
And maybe you can plan something else together, or contact the program and see if you can get an extension on the application.