His stuffed animals

[MissButterfly]

So.... My SO is 18, very mature and a really strong guy, big muscles, broad shoulders... You get the picture. But on the other hand he can be rediculously insecure and act like a five year old. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just don't know how else to describe it.

He has about 28 stuffed animals, they all have names, and they all sleep in his bed with him. As you can imagine, they take up quite a lot of space. He's moving to Holland this summer, and I plan on packing as little as I can so I can take a lot of his stuff with me, because extra suitcases are expensive. We've had this discussion multiple times, I get annoyed and he gets upset every single time. He wants to bring ALL of his stuffed animals to the Netherlands, and even put them all on his bed again when he gets his own college room. At first he said that he'd leave them there even when he had visitors, because they're part of him and his life. Then he said he'd put them in a box under his bed, but still sleep with them. When I said I thought he had to grow up and just pick his favourite ones, he got really upset. He says they have feelings and they're alive, and that he can't put them away, because they've guided him through the rough times of his life.

Now, in a way, I understand that, but he moves here partially to make a new start and I just can't seem to understand why he needs ALL of them still, I just want to tell him (and I have) to get over it and move on, I just want him to be as manly and strong as I know he can be... Which may be really selfish, but I don't know any other 18 year old guy who's so attached to SO many animals. I mean, I have one little doll I sleep with and I'll never put away like that, but that's only one, and I feel like most people have one or two that they feel special about.

I just don't know what to say anymore, but I'm afraid that he'll get a difficult time in college because he can already be really insecure, he tends to 'hate' a lot of people, and everyone should just accept him. I'm certainly not mad, but I've just been worrying so much about him only clinging to me, because I'm the only one he knows and his only friend. I want to make new friends and not just be Dylan's girlfriend.

What to do?

[Romeo s Juliet]

i can understand your situation and sorry to say but 28 of them! sounds a bit ridiculous.
well I dnt want to jump to any conclusions here. but he seems very immature. but at the same time he could have had severe childhood issues, with his parents, family, or friends. something that has affected him in a way that made him feel so attached t these stuffed animals. and he gets very upset when yu try to alienate him from them. when something about our SO is upsetting u, something that he says or does, all you can do is clearly tell him yur state of mind and ur feelings on this situation, and it is entirely up to him to decide what he want to do. because no matter what you do or say you cant make him do something he doesnt want to.
You said you have already told him how you feel about this, and i think he should consider but if he is not willing to it is his call :/ sorry noting can be done f he decides not to give up on the toys.
and about your decision to make new friends and socialize and the worry you have about him being insecure over that, you need t talk to him directly abut you wanting to socialize and make new friends and that there is nothing to be insecure. and maybe do little things to reassure him along the way to tell that you only want to make friends and nothing else.
good luck

[MissButterfly]

I know it's a result of pretty severe childhood issues, that's why I'm so conflicted about it. The thing is, he generally isn't immature at all, but sometimes he can just completely turn into this little boy over this kind of things. It's so hard to tell him to get over it, because I feel sorry for what he went through and I understand why it's hard for him. But then again... twenty-something? I would say about 3 is enough, but you're right, it's up to him.
I find it really hard to talk to him about this because he'll feel really hurt and eventually start crying, which makes me feel like I'm an awful person and girlfriend. Should I just let it all happen and see what he does? I don't think I can ever convince him to leave them in the USA, along with his past, which I think is best. But well... Who am I to decide?

[Haley53]

My opinion is if he's paying for them to be transported, he should be allowed to bring them. Quite frankly, I would be hurt and insulted if my partner told me to "grow up" and move without my stuffed animals. I feel like my partner would be equally as hurt and insulted, perhaps even moreso, if I demanded the same of him and attached the word "manly" to it. I actually find it to be proof of maturity/security when a man can defy gender stereotypes that are so violently pressed.

The other thing is that he's moving to an entirely different country to go to school. Yes, he has you. Yes, he made the decision. Yes, he may be more than happy and excited, but he's still going to be scared. He's still going to have reservations. It is still a complete upheaval of everything he has ever known, and so small comforts like stuffed animals etc. are going to be even more important. There is nothing wrong with having a security blanket or 28 of them, and I don't see why your pride should have to suffer when it sounds like he's taking care of everything else.

As far as what happens while he's in college, all I can think of is that you have to encourage him to branch out on his own and you'll have to be okay with sometimes saying "no" to making plans with him so that you still have time for your own friends and to meet new people. Are you both doing the same courses? If not, that'll give you even more time apart and time to meet new people. However, for a while, you probably are going to be "Dylan's girlfriend." He's the one moving to you, not the other way around, and I honestly feel like you should have a bit more sensitivity to what he's likely going through, and if you can't envision it, then talk to him about it.

Either way I say drop the issue of the stuffed animals because it really doesn't concern you, and realise that he's not the only one having to make sacrifices.

[MissButterfly]

Wow... That hurt.
I'm the one who is keeping my suitcase almost empty to be able to bring all his stuff here without having to pay an extra 80 euro's. He, however, decides that half a suitcase full of stuffed animals is more important than the things he's going to need here, like all of his clothes, books, etc. I'm not blaming him, I've told him I'm okay with all of his animals but I just don't understand him when he talks about them as is they are human beings who are alive and have feelings. To me, that's something I did ten years ago. It's not the stuffed animals, it's the way he behaves and feels about them. When he talks about them, it's as if he's that age again where he actually had them as his only friends. He's changed so much since then, and it's hard for me to see that he still gets upset over his past, because they confront him with ti. They're so connected to his past, and he moves here to let everything behind because he hates his life there and wants to escape it. I've supported him the best I could, but then again it's hard to hear that he wants to bring something that's only making him sad in a way.
I was only wondering if anyone had any advice as for how to deal with all of this. Now I only feel worse. Never mind.