Damned it you do and damned if you don't...

[Captivated]

At the risk of sounding like a pathetic child, I really need to know if there are others in my sitch.

The thread title really is in regards to my SO...his POV.

I guess I'm used to men really showing their appreciation for other women...turning their heads to see a beautiful woman walk by, commenting on a certain beautiful actress. And in fact, as weird and childish as this might sound, I feel more secure when that happens...because at least I know he's being honest and truthful.

Well, my fiance doesn't do any of that. At all. And though I should feel great about it, it feels a little...odd?

Yes, I know what you're thinking. What on Earth are you talking about? You want your man to drool over other women?

Well not necessarily "drool" but at least just...act like a normal man?

Take this for example...every time I bring up a beautiful woman - make any comment whatsoever, he either smiles and ignores my comment or just changes the subject.

It actually happened just now. We're on MSN and I sent him a photo of really hot women with their soccer ball (saw it on Facebook, and I really thought it was a cool photo). I told him that was really cool. He just sent me a smiley face and said he was going to go make tea. HA...wtf?

Is he afraid of making any sort of comment at the risk of me being jealous? Or is he just genuinely being polite?

Yes, I understand what many may think of this post...if this is the only "problem" we have, I need to shut up and move on.

I'm not dwelling on this by any means...guess I'm just really curious why he's not like every other man I've been with (and know). *shrugs* hope I articulated my thoughts well enough.

Anyone else out there have a guy like this? What do you think about it if you do?

[DemonxOisin]

I donīt have any advice, but donīt feel odd or anything, I know exactly how you feel. It took me a while, but I had to break Miguel into that concept. He started out a bit like your SO, and youīre quite right, I find it a bit unnerving as well. Now though, we make fun of each others taste :P And itīs fun! It just reinforces our trust, like you said

[snow_girl]

Maybe he feels when you say something about another women its loaded and as soon as he says something in agreeance (not a word?) you will be upset and say something about how you don't think he thinks you are pretty enough. My SO rarely comments on other women, I don't think it means anything.

[lala]

hmm I try to understand you.. so you think your SO is strange because he doesn't act like a jerk and flirt with other women or comment on their physical apperance?
well maybe he is just into you that he has just eyes for you and that no other women attracts him. You should actually be happy lol I'm sure he thinks "wow she's beautiful.." when he sees a good-looking woman but he doesn't has to tell it out loud. And I think it's weird or even silly if you send him pictures of hot women and ask him how he likes them lol just imagine he sends you pictures of hot men models and ask you "hey doesn't he look HOT?!"

so just relax and enjoy that he's respectful and doesn't want to hurt you..

[Rook]

Do I find other women attractive, sure, I'm in a relationship, not dead :P Do I point out every woman I think is pretty to my SO, no. Not because I think she'll be upset, but because there isn't a point. She sent me wedding pictures of her sister's wedding and was saying that the other bride's maids were very pretty and asked what I thought. I just smiled and said not as pretty her.

[lala]

Do I find other women attractive, sure, I'm in a relationship, not dead :P Do I point out every woman I think is pretty to my SO, no. Not because I think she'll be upset, but because there isn't a point. She sent me wedding pictures of her sister's wedding and was saying that the other bride's maids were very pretty and asked what I thought. I just smiled and said not as pretty her.

hehe my SO is doing the same it's pretty cute.. it just happened once or twice where he talked to his friends about some famous women and commented how good looking they are..

[lademoiselle]

Yep, my SO is like that too You don't have anything to worry about! Also, it works both ways; sometimes other guys catch my eye in passing, but I have nothing to say about it. My boyfriend has my heart and that's all that matters.

[Captivated]

I feel like a basket case sometimes :s I was so close to asking him why he does it...but I stopped myself in an effort to prevent any kind of "wtf" looks from him :P

Thanks for the input, gals (and guy).

[Haley53]

I'll sometimes ask my SO's direct opinion if he feels a girl is pretty, or if I say something like "and she's such a pretty girl, too, so it's a shame she's -whatever here-" and he'll agree or answer honestly, but generally, he doesn't turn his head when we're together. In fact, I have never observed him doing it around me at all and I appreciate it. I get told a lot that to hold this opinion I must be denying there are attractive people out there, and I'm not. There are attractive men and women and I don't mind if it's registered, because I think it registers in all of us, but to me, it's more respectful to leave that between the boys/same sex friends. I also don't like that it's seen as a guy thing and guy thing only. I have had a lot of girl friends who ooh and aww over attractive men, even if I don't find enjoyment in it. Still, I like that my SO doesn't make it a point to check out or comment on other women in front of me. I don't mind talking about attractive individuals, but I do mind it in certain contexts. Being honest about it is, to me, different than making a point of checking someone out.

[lucybelle]

I'd smack my SO in the mouth if he turned when a pretty lady walks by and I'm sitting right next to him! That's disrespectful! He can do that BS with his gross male friends, but not while I'm around!

But anyways, my SO never brings up hot women on his own (unless it's Meryl Streep who he has a GIANT crush on!) When I say something like "man Scarlett Johansson looks hot in that purple dress!" he'll look and say "well DUH!" But he would never bring it up on his own. I think that's normal and showing a lot of respect to you.

[Jessipoo]

yup same issue. What bothers me a bit more is the fact that he thinks I'm stunning but he doesn't really say it often, especially when I put in more effort. It's upsetting :/ I tell him all the time how attractive I find him or sexy, a word he'd probably never use (he's sometimes too serious)

[notyourexgirlfriend]

I'd smack my SO in the mouth if he turned when a pretty lady walks by and I'm sitting right next to him! That's disrespectful! He can do that BS with his gross male friends, but not while I'm around!

But anyways, my SO never brings up hot women on his own (unless it's Meryl Streep who he has a GIANT crush on!) When I say something like "man Scarlett Johansson looks hot in that purple dress!" he'll look and say "well DUH!" But he would never bring it up on his own. I think that's normal and showing a lot of respect to you.

Yup you've pretty much summed my thoughts up on it too. He's just being very respectful and it's not a bad trait IMO.

[Captivated]

Yeah I think I just need to get over it. I think he starts to get annoyed when I compliment a girl and wait for his opinion that never comes. Starting to think he thinks I'm into girls LOL

Jessipoo - I think I'd get a little annoyed too if he never paid me any compliments. :\ Hope all's going okay.

[Jessipoo]

he compliments me in other ways but it's nice to feel attractive to your SO as well, seems the physical compliments are quite rare. I had to ask him once, do you think I'm gorgeous? -_- which he replied of course, and stunning. But I don't feel I have to ask, and I'm not being demanding. I don't need to hear it everyday but every now and then, especially when you put the effort in

[Rebecka]

Haha, I know what you mean! I think he maybe does it because he doesnīt want to make you sad by saying that another girl is beautiful.
Because once when me and my boyfriend was out and walking and we saw this couple and I just sad like "oh that girl looked so much better than her boyfriend" and he didnīt say anything, so I was like "donīt you think?" and his answer was "is this a test? will you be jealous if I say she was" I just laughed because I had not even thinked of it like that once. So it may be because he donīt want to upset you