What advice would YOU give about LDRs?

[dglynn77]

At weddings/wedding showers you are generally asked to give advice to the bride and groom based on your life experiences or based on things you have observed in life.

As we are/were all in Long Distance Relationships, we are the best people to give advice to someone who is in a Long Distance Relationship.

So, ladies and gentlemen, put on your thinking caps and please write down the BEST advice you would give to someone in an LDR!

For example: Communication is THE key to having a successful LDR!

I am curious to hear great ideas, advice, tips, and tricks that you share!

[lademoiselle]

Being able to trust your partner is vital in an LDR

[BlueCat]

Don't dwell on your separation, keep busy, and remember what you are working towards in your day to day life.

[Zephii]

Your two individual lives will not some-day magically align so you can be together. You need to work towards that goal, compromise and make sacrifices.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

This has been my standard spiel on Reddit's LongDistance (how I found this place)

Communication, Commitment, Compromise and Concessions

Communication:

Be sure you're both on the same page when it comes to how much you want to communicate with each other, how much time you wish to spend be it daily, every other day or whatever you're both comfortable with. Communicate openly, honestly and freely about what is bothering you if anything arises. Work out what mediums you wish to use to keep communication going, be it phone, text, Facebook, AIM, YIM, Skype, MSN, snail mail etc.

Commitment:

Talk with each other as to what level of commitment you wish to place on the relationship. What boundaries you are both comfortable and where you both stand. Whether you want an exclusive relationship, an open relationship etc.

Compromise:

You both need to be aware of the give and take relationships require. There are going to be times where you just can't make communication dates or send that text message etc. Sometimes studies will come in the way of travelling to see each other and you have to do your best to meet each other halfway to reach a mutually beneficial happy medium.

Concessions:

This really does tie in with Compromise. Sometimes you just have to make concessions for things that occur. One of you may be particularly stressed due to study and end up a bit snappy unintentionally or there may be a family crisis where someone gets sick or dies. You need to make concessions for the relationship depending on certain outside influences.

[Haley53]

@notyourexgirlfriend - The "concessions" point is a good one and seems to be little known, even here on LFAD.

My advice, in addition to the advice of everyone here, would honestly be that respect is as crucial as communication, because where communication lays the foundation for relationships, respect lays the foundation for communication to exist at all.

[lucybelle]

Join LFAD.

[Sora1101]

Live your own life, don't let everything you do revolve around your SO, go out and have fun, but still remember you need to make time for your SO too.

[blankita719]

Don't have serious discussions via text message. That can relate to any relationship really, but sometimes in LDR's, you are limited in the way you can communicate. Texting can lead to misunderstandings. Save the talks for Skype of phone.

Set aside time for talking. Some people here talk all day, every day. Some of us talk way less than that. But make the time to talk. Set up "date nights" so that the two of you can be focused on each other.

[sewbama]

I think Sora has a real point. It's easy to get wrapped up in talking to your SO, thinking about the distance, etc you forget to do something for yourself. Keeping a clear picture of yourself is very important for any relationship.

And do keep busy. Dwelling on the sadness will only lead to more sadness. Have hobbies, friends, things to do.

Most importantly, you have to have a real connection to survive not being able to just use all the surface stuff that being together physically can lead a relationship to depend on. But then most people aren't willing to go through the hardships of an LDR for someone they just kinda like.

[Zephii]

Join LFAD.

Then never leave

[lucybelle]

Then never leave

Amen!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Just like the Hotel California