On a break...

[staystrong12]

So my babe and I finally talked about what's been going on with us...and starting tonight, we're on a break. Like if we're married, we'd be separated but not divorced. So we're still officially together, just not acting like it for a while. He said that he needs to figure himself out, figure out who he is and what he needs/wants for himself, and focus on pleasing himself. We've both been so dependent on our relationship for happiness, that it's been making us unhappy. So I agree with him, I think he's being really mature about this...I think he's doing the right thing. I admit I'm scared to death though...I asked him what if he figures out that he's happier without me, and he said he doesn't even wanna think about that, but that honestly anything can happen. But he said that he's sure of us, that he hopes this will just strengthen our relationship. I hope it does. So I'm gonna try to figure myself out...and wait for him. He said it'll be for a week or so, but it'll extend to however long he needs; a week is just what he thinks he needs right now. He said he wants to try to talk a little bit everyday, but I know it'll be minimal. And he said that he'll be here if I need someone to talk to, which is nice. But I think I'm gonna give him the space and just talk to him if he talks to me first.

Anyone else ever dealt with this? Idk what to do with myself.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Breaks for me have always ended in breakups. That's just me and I don't want to imply that this is what is happening to you. Try and keep yourself as busy as you can. Keep in touch with friends and family (hugs)

[Honeypie]

I've had breaks work out well in the end ... either cause we stayed together because be realized how much we really cared about the other or because being apart was really the best for both.

[Romeo s Juliet]

people are always so skeptical about breaks, however in my opinion two people are in a relationship because they choose to do so, and it is a commitment. Its not like a job that you can take breaks whenever you feel like. Sorry to break it to you but why a break? A break is not gonnna solve a situation anyway, it rather complicates it, talking and coming to terms would have been just a better alternative. But yes Maybe I dont understand the reasons why people take a break so my opinion could be biased. You should be ready for anything that comes up after the break is over. Good luck

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Well, I think the 'break' thing is a bit cultural maybe? Here in Australia I never really heard of going on breaks until I saw some American reality TV shows talk about it. That or I'm just sheltered.

[lademoiselle]

I don't think there's any way to predict how it will turn out; for some couples a break seems to be necessary in order for them to move forward, for others it solves nothing and they end up going their separate ways for good. I can't say I agree with breaks personally, but that's just my opinion. I hope it all works out for the best one way or the other

[Jessipoo]

me and my bf are on a break.. I think.. after one crisis after the other getting in the way of us and frustration, lack of communication and patience and me being mean and aggressive at times taking out the frustration of the situation on him (although sometimes it was how he was handling things as well), we had a big fight and even though I apologized and we spoke for 2 days afterwards (he said saying sorry doesn't absolve me from everything, which is true), he just disappeared and hasn't been responding to any of my messages. I'm super worried about it being over - I know he's alive though, I saw some online activity from him a few days back

It's been healthy though I needed this to get myself back into gear. As long as I know we will be together in the end (there is no way to predict that unfortunately)...

[staystrong12]

It's been healthy though I needed this to get myself back into gear. As long as I know we will be together in the end (there is no way to predict that unfortunately)...

I agree it's been healthy for us too...though it's only been like 10hrs since it happened, but I'm starting to see areas of my life that I need to work on. These past few months, I've been so scared of us breaking up 'cause we've been fighting a lot and it's just one thing after another causing tension between us. Our emotional/mental issues, or disorders for a more accurate word, have been putting us through a lot of individual stress, and that just causes relationship stress. Idk if I'm gonna go back to therapy or not...I feel like I need it. I'd check into a psychiatric hospital if I could 'cause I feel like such a danger to myself. But it's so expensive...and I have summer classes to do...I just don't know what I'm gonna do. But now that I'm being forced to not focus on him, and to just focus on myself, I'm starting to see what I need to improve.

---------- Post added at 09:42 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:39 AM ----------

And I'm not sure yet, but I think I might not be on here as much...I just need to focus on something other than my LDR and my babe, and focus on myself. I might still get on once a day or so, but I won't be on here all the time like I have been. I've made it my life, and I shouldn't do that.

[Jessipoo]

ya I had some dark thoughts here and there, haven't had that for 10 years since high school when I had no friends and wasn't exactly the popular kid.

Without him there to reassure me we were okay and my dependancy (I became more dependant as time went on since he was always there for me and we were always together and talking, didn't realize how dependant until he left) and naysayers and obstacles getting in our way.. I felt the only way he would talk to me is if tragedy struck me.

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I was waiting on him all the time to talk and for vacation time and our planned vacation got ruined because of a student strike on my end that almost ruined my semester (caused a lot of stress and unhappiness for me yet unlike me, he didn't get mad at me for that, but he seemed so nonchalant about it I took it as him not caring if he spent time with me or not). What I should've done is packed my bags and went somewhere for a week to get that mental break for myself and for us.

[prinzeza87]

never tried that before but definitively thought on doing it on a past, i think i could take a break if need it and if we both agree and set limits up first, but ig i would b scared too knowing it can end up on a break up.
all i can tell i is hope for the best and b ready for the worse, i truly wish it works out the best way possible

[Haley53]

If you have enough worry about expenses, then I would guess you're not so much a psychiatric danger (I don't say this to trivialise. I say this as a good/positive thing) that you need a psychiatric hospital stay, not to mention the most they do is pump you up on drugs, assess you within a 30 minute chat, and get you out as soon as they can; they're overrun and they don't want to keep you for the whole 72 hours if they don't have to. Therapy, however, is something that might be incredibly beneficial, and it doesn't always have to be expensive. Are there any options through your school? Or what about any interns in your area, like at a women's center? They often provide psychological services at reduced and more affordable rates.

As far as your actual question, all I have to say is that my SO called for a break two weeks after his mother passed away on the grounds his entire world had been flipped. It lasted for a month, even if we never stopped acting like we were together (there was reduced communication in general, based on his circumstances). People told me it wouldn't work. Well, we were broken up for the month of November, we've been back together again for almost 7 months now, have a visit planned in July, and don't have any intention of calling it quits. He regrets his decision and is incredibly grateful that he didn't lose me by making it. In the end? It was different to any other break I had taken with someone. I had called for breaks in the past (with a friend, not my SO) and knew in my gut that they wouldn't solve anything. In the end, there was something about the one between my partner and I that kept me holding on, no matter how stupid people wanted to called me. And it worked. Or not so much worked, but it didn't last. However, I'm not going to attribute any of the growth in our relationship to the break. The break was more putting things on hold while he figured out what the hell had happened and how to get his feet on solid ground again. I wouldn't say that I agree with breaks, at all, but in crises, I think that sometimes they happen, and that it's idealistic to decide that every crises is going to be met with "we can do this together, f yeah!" Sometimes crises are bigger than ourselves and our relationships, and there's no predicting what will happen until you're neck deep in it.

[staystrong12]

I hope so...I hope this works out. We were so strong, and then all the sudden we're fighting a lot and then we're on a break. He says we need to learn to be happy on our own in order for us to work, 'cause we're so dependent on each other and other people for happiness; and I agree. But idk how to do that when I'm being forced to... He said not to worry so much, that it'll be alright, that he just needs to get his head up on his own shoulders instead of where it is right now; just get his life together first. It just scared me so much when he said that anything is possible...that yeah it could make us stronger, but that it could also end us. Just didn't feel like I had a choice but to endure this agony while I wait...I mean I wasn't gonna deprive him of what he needs to get better; if he needs a break, I'll give it to him. But even if I said no, that probably would've been the end right there. 'Cause that'd be selfish of me. I'm just so scared...I've been in sweats and a sweater, crying all day long...I just can't stop no matter how hard I try. I'm surprised I haven't passed out from dehydration, I've shed so many tears...haven't been able to eat but once in the last 2 days...I'm just so scared

[Jessipoo]

I hope so...I hope this works out. We were so strong, and then all the sudden we're fighting a lot and then we're on a break. He says we need to learn to be happy on our own in order for us to work, 'cause we're so dependent on each other and other people for happiness; and I agree.

oh ya sounds like me and my SO except that we started fighting quite soon after he left because I got progressively more aggressive and I felt like I wasn't important anymore and everything came before me (which was true but I was also being hyper sensitive because he would make time.. at first).

And my bf isn't quite a dependent as me. The problem is a lot of my happiness came from my experiences with him in the last few months so I kind of started associating happiness with him. Didn't realize to what extent until he left and I became hyper sensitive and took everything way too personally.

I've lost weight and appetite (though slowly regaining appetite), I don't know how much but I'm thin to begin with and now all of my clothes fit quite baggy, pants are a size too loose.

[Amy:x]

Me and my SO had a break last year, it took around 3/4 month for us both to sort our heads out and decide what we really wanted, we are now stronger than ever.. If its meant to be, it will be I hope everything works out for you both <3

[staystrong12]

Me and my SO had a break last year, it took around 3/4 month for us both to sort our heads out and decide what we really wanted, we are now stronger than ever.. If its meant to be, it will be I hope everything works out for you both <3

I hope that'll happen for us too...the time is just going by so slow...it's only the first day of our break, and it's taken forever to go by. I hope the same thing happens for us too. Thanks(: <3