Damage Control

[Haley53]

Understandably, my partner has been incredibly stressed out lately. Overall it's been one thing after another.

I arrive there in about a month, and I really am wanting to do something for him so that he can catch a break. I intend to help out with household chores while I'm there, dishes, laundry (of course I'll be doing my own), and maybe even the painting if he'd like me to help with it, since he's been needing/meaning to paint the insides of his house and has had difficulty motivating himself to get there; his brother won't help with it. It's all normal, day-to-day chores made worse by the grief and the responsibility of his brother who, in his grief, has been making it difficult for my partner to cope with in ways.

Because of this, I want to do something special for him, but I'm not sure what. I'm not sure he's comfortable leaving his brother home alone for a night, and even then, I don't really have the money for something like a night out at a hotel. We plan to go to Galway, but our day will probably start early and end later, so staying at a cheap B&B is out there, too, as much as I'd love to. So in addition to helping out with chores, what are some ways I can help give my partner a break? He'll let me help out, financially, with meals and activities, so those are my financial options. I can't afford anything too expensive, but maybe someone has some creative, free ideas?

[lucybelle]

Just do random nice things like massages, watching his favorite shows instead of yours, buying him little treats now and then. I'd say if he doesn't want to leave his brother behind, bring him with you! Plan a picnic for the 3 of you and pack your favorite snacks. Go to a game, or a movie or whatever. Invite friends over for a game night and make sure you plan, prepare and clean up afterwards. He'll feel spoiled rotten in no time

[Brieasaurus]

How about cooking him a nice breakfast one morning? Or leaving cute little sticky notes all around the house reminding him how special he is? Maybe you guys could go "camping" in his backyard (if you're into sleeping on the ground haha) so that way you're not completely leaving his brother alone but you guys are still alone. Or you could throw him a little party! Buy some balloons, make some decorations and invite his friends over. It could be a "you're great!" party.

[Haley53]

We definitely plan on bringing his brother along places. I know my SO said he's fine to be home during the day while we go out, say, to Galway, but there are certain places (like the zoo. Dublin Zoo is my favourite) that his brother will want to come with. I didn't think of a nice picnic though! That sounds fun! We did a picnic between the two of us last time, which he enjoyed and I introduced him to some American combinations he'd never tried before. Your ideas are great though, lucybelle!

Brieasaurus, I like the idea of a party but I would probably do one between us three, unless I discussed it with him first. Maybe I can play off the idea, though... I love the idea of sticky notes, however! I actually think he would really like that, and something like breakfast would be nice too. Maybe he could teach me how to work the kitchen equipment (it's all so very different to ours xD) and I'll make him breakfast in bed. I made him a surprise moustache cake when he was over and a silly little birthday game and he was seriously glowing with how special he felt by the end of the night, cause I sang him happy birthday and everything. He very much relishes in the quiet little coupley things. I'm simply trying to come up with some creative ideas I haven't before. I never would have thought of "you're special" sticky notes. I love the idea. I think those combined with some of the things lucybelle mentioned would be wonderful.

Thank you both!

[Sora1101]

You guys could take a bubble bath together and give him massages, that always helps with stress, maybe if you guys really wanted to be alone for awhile you could see if his brother could sleep over at a friends house and you could treat your SO to a whole day in bed cuddling and watching movies and stuff.

[Haley53]

I would love that. The tub is small, but maybe a shower... His brother is unfortunately a bit of a loner/rarely ever leaves the house, however, he's easily distracted by video games/the computer, so he could probably be set up playing games and I could still spend the day showering and snuggling in bed with my SO. He has been wanting to watch all three Toy Story films... I'm not sure if he has his room TV set-up yet, but it would be nice if he had that done by the time I got there, else maybe we could set up a bunch of blankets and pillows in the main room. However, his computer is out in the main room with the TV, so while he downloaded the films, that's when I could take advantage of putting up all the sticky notes... A lot of these ideas could be combined to create one big nice day. I definitely want to do little things throughout the trip but I genuinely want a day or two where it's all about him and where he has no work whatsoever to be done.

[Jessipoo]

Make him a super romantic dinner one day while he goes to work? His favorite

Bring something from your home town that he absolutely loves

Make a scrapbook of you guys to give to him

Print some pictures of you guys and put it in a frame as a gift?

Find fun and cheap eats on urbanspoon and plan everything so that he doesn't have to worry

Find fun (if possible free) activities or museums in his city to go visit?

[Haley53]

I do plan to bring him American candies. He likes our gummies here that he can't get there. I actually have a frame with pictures but I'm not sure I like the ones I chose, plus they printed really runny. :/ I may make a scrapbook page and frame that. I've been meaning to sit down and craft but I go through phases and visual arts has not been one of them lately. I do know he's mentioned loving the idea of us having a scrapbook, and I know he keeps a photo strip of us on the nightstand by his bed. Maybe he'd appreciate having some of our better pictures made pretty and put in a nice frame. Good idea.

[Jessipoo]

I have a list on my phone that I keep of all the gifts I plan to buy for family and him as well as ideas of cute things.

I studied architecture and industrial design so I know my Adobe Creative Suite and this may not be for you, but I'll throw it out there anyway... I made a postcard of us as cute chibi characters and sent it via an app called TouchNote (and it sends it in real life) - I know you said you weren't crafty but I used Adobe Illustrator maybe you can use that or find a program online that does that? Just something fun and cute.

I also thought about making a compilation video of us at some point, but I haven't been in a very lovey mood to do that :\

[floridaellen]

Just do random nice things like massages, watching his favorite shows instead of yours, buying him little treats now and then. I'd say if he doesn't want to leave his brother behind, bring him with you! Plan a picnic for the 3 of you and pack your favorite snacks. Go to a game, or a movie or whatever. Invite friends over for a game night and make sure you plan, prepare and clean up afterwards. He'll feel spoiled rotten in no time

I was going to reply but then lucybelle said everything I wanted to say. We're on the same wave length :P So I second all of this!

[sewbama]

What are the little things he complains about most? Does he hate to do dishes, or take the trash out? Or is cooking just a huge hassle for him? i'd say getting the chores done would be a huge relief for him, but if you made sure to focus especially on the ones he hates, so that he never has to do them, I'm sure he'll appreciate the heck out of it.

I love leaving little notes around for my SO to find. Some in plain sight, some tucked in his sock drawer so that he finds it one day when he (and I) least expect.

But just keep him company. From the sounds of it, he's spent most of the last few months alone with his little brother. So just be there. Comfort him. Do all those things that distance takes away. Shower together. Spend a day just sitting around, doing whatever he wants.

Make him something. I don't know if you have any crafty hobbies, but there are some things you can make with only a few supplies (cheap) and very little creative effort (if it isn't quite your thing). My SO just goes nuts when I make him gifts, even the really simple ones. You can make a t-shirt, or something for him to hang on his wall, or anything else you can think of. There are TONS of sites dedicated to these kinds of things.

I hope you have a good time. I know you're really excited to see him again.

[Haley53]

Thank you everyone for your help!

I think it's mostly cooking (unfortunate because I can hardly cook with American cookware, but he loves cooking together so maybe I could get the hang of it by cooking meals with him and then surprise him by making meals for him when I learn... I'm hoping I'll pick it up within the two months, anyway ) and dishes, so I'll focus on those.

I like the idea of making him something special too. We'll be celebrating our year and a half mark (it's special to me for silly reasons) a month early, since our year and a half mark is about a week before the year anniversary of his mother's death (that's going to be a tough month) and I assume that things will be a bit tense; we also want to be able to celebrate it in person, and I leave in September. He, like your SO, also loves when I make him little gifts and he's always happy to show them off or have them on display. That's something I'll do for him too, if I get struck with inspiration.

Thank you!

[halfwayacross]

Have you ever been on Pinterest? If there is one thing I learned, it's that when one needs creative and thoughful ideas (and often ones that are not expensive) someone, somewhere, on pinterest has found it and pinned it.

My SO loved this- I'm not sure what to call it, craft/artwork/cutting extravaganza-where you used cardstock to cut out the shape of each of the states where you are from and put some sort of marker (like a heart) to designate your cities, and then mount them on a colored background with a plus sign in the middle. (I realize it's hard to picture, sadly my post count is too low to send a link of what it looks like). But moral of the story is, it was just something little and silly that she loves and has framed in her apartment.

So maybe you could find an idea there that fits your relationship or is perfect for your SO (or that, using countries maybe?). There are literally millions of options, care of pinterest : )

Good luck!
(P.S. I realize I haven't actually given you any ideas, but rather an idea to find ideas, but maybe that'll help too )

[Honeypie]

I love leaving little notes around for my SO to find. Some in plain sight, some tucked in his sock drawer so that he finds it one day when he (and I) least expect.

I've done this, very fun & sweet too

[Haley53]

I know what Pinterest is, but I've never really browsed it. Thank you though! I'm very visual so I draw a lot of inspiration from visual ideas, so Pinterest is actually a perfect suggestion for me to figure out what I would like to make.