Curiosity Killed the Cat?

[LeilaniJoi]

My ex and I shared passwords and for a long time I didn't worry about it. Then he started hiding things and I found out why the hard way... when he took off to another state to do some "thinking" with a friend he was romantically involved with. I kicked him out shortly after.

My SO now, we for the most part share passwords but don't pilfer through each others things. We use the same computer and most of the passwords are saved but it's not something I'd do and I know he doesn't either. We don't have anything to hide, but that doesn't meant that people that don't share passwords do. In my own personal case however, if everything was "hidden" I'd probably get curious as to the why of it. If you are in a relationship with someone and trust them explicitly, nothing should be hidden.. it also doesn't mean that the trust given you should be exploited either.

[sewbama]

I have most of his passwords, simply because they are all a variation of the same thing. If I wanted to get into anything of his, I could. That said, I'm at home all day, and his computer is on the same desk as mine, all logged in to everything. He really doesn't care. He only asks that I don't log into his school or work stuff, as that is likely illegal and could lead to him losing his job, etc. I think that's fair. He doesn't have my passwords. He doesn't ask for them. He's incredibly trusting for a guy who has been cheated on so many times... But my computer is here, too. Logged in to everything except my bank account. He could look if he really wanted. I'd rather he didn't, but I'm not doing anything to stop him. I guess I like to have a little privacy. I did ask him not to come on this site so I could always speak my mind about him/us without worry.

He has a crazy ex who emails him pretty regularly (every couple weeks), though he never replies -- he says he's tried to just be friends with her and it doesn't work because she goes nuts if he doesn't reply same-day. Plus she just got divorced... He always tells me when he gets an email from her, and I read those sometimes. I'll be honest, I've looked through other emails before. But it never really captured my interest. Most of it is school stuff, and the rest is talking to friends about games I don't play. So it doesn't really make any sense to me. I don't look through his phone. But he has been paying my phone bill this year, so I'd let him look through my phone any time. I feel to do otherwise would be to take advantage of him helping me out with the phone bill and just extremely rude.

One thing that gets me about this is that this past weekend, we had a fight. Really, our first big fight (we've had little inconsequential skirmishes, but we're both non-confrontational people). And his computer was involved. So unless I tell the whole story, it's not going to sound like what it was, and I'm not going to do that here. But I've been really tempted to look into his computer history since then to see if he told me the truth. But he told me that he was telling the truth. So I'm trying to trust him and believe that we are stronger than this. He is a very honest guy, and I've never had a problem trusting him before, but then he'd never hurt me before either. Most of the time it's really easy for me to say I won't look. Other times, I have to physically take myself out of the room to stop it. And obviously he doesn't care if I look. He's told me in the past I'm welcome to it. So this is my internal battle. I just hope trust wins out. I don't want to be that girl...

[MeeshaLenee]

I find this discussion quite interesting as well! And it gave me something to think about.

I've never shared or known any login information or anything with any of my previous SOs. It never came up. I mean, my last ex and I shared a blog, but that was created expressly for us to share.

I agree with those who've said that each individual needs to have their own thing, their own places that are only for them. For some people, online accounts and the contents of their cell phones may not qualify for that category. For others, it does.

It's interesting...I'm genuinely curious how I'd act if I had an SO's passwords and stuff. I guess it would depend on the person/relationship, and why I had it. I am a terrible snoop, but it's not necessarily that I like discovering secrets, but that I like KNOWING things. I guess, if my SO gave me his FB password just to have, I'd probably use it all the time to read through his stuff--just because I like knowing everything I can about the people I care about. It makes me feel closer to them for some reason. XD If he gave me his password just to do something for him because he couldn't, that's another matter. I'd use it, tell him to change it, and leave it at that.
Any SO of mine who ever shares his login info with me is going to know BEFOREHAND that I'll probably be looking through his stuff all the time, so if I know it, it would mean he honestly doesn't mind.

In general, I'm not opposed to password-sharing, so long as there's a reason for it. Sharing just to share, I think, is kinda silly (in my own humble opinion ). My brother and his ex got into a bit of trouble with that when they were breaking up after 3 years of being together and knowing each other's passwords to everything.

Now, going with my current interest.... He's a VERY private person. I trust him, so when he says he tells me more than he tells anyone else, I believe him. But that is hard for ME to fathom, because he volunteers so little information, and answers few questions or prompts for more info. I can't imagine him sharing any of his personal passwords with me for any reason whatsoever, and I'd probably be okay with that. Because he doesn't mind me "stalking" him on the internet, so even if he doesn't feel like telling me something directly, he may not mind putting it out there online where I can see it. If that makes sense. A way of keeping me informed without having to bring it up in conversation.
I have actually offered him my Netflix password, because I wanted to watch something with him and he doesn't have access any other way, but he didn't take me up on the offer. However, he used to be an admin on this site we're both members of, and he was editing some information and messed up the HTML code one day and couldn't fix it because his computer was acting up, so he did give me his login information so I could fix it since no one else was online. But I've had leadership positions there before so he knew he could trust me. XD

But, hmmm... I feel like I've been all over the place in this response. Bottom line being...if my SO doesn't want to share his login information for any reason, I'm not going to ask for it. If he shares it for a particular reason, I'll stick to that reason and if I find myself being tempted to snoop, which is likely, I'd tell him to change it. I like sharing everything about myself with those I care about, and I like knowing everything about them as well, but we all need our privacy at times, and I respect that regardless of whether or not it's easy for me.

[efish1042]

We're very private, but not stingy necessarily. We don't hide anything and freely answer questions and laugh at say "guess who left her facebook open on my laptop?" or "hey, who ya texting " or some such. However, neither of see any reason to share passwords. We have separate electronic accounts for a reason. There's nothing to hide, but at the same time, no reason to pry.
For example, I like having a private computer because I enjoy writing, but I'm very self conscious about it and don't necessarily want my SO to read it yet.
We don't trust each other implicitly. Yet, I hope. But we are also secure enough in our relationship to allow privacy. Until we give each other a reason to doubt this, I see no reason to change it. If I find out he's talking to another girl via fb, for example, things might change, but there is no doubt in my mind at this point that he is completely faithful.

[HeartInTexas]

My SO and I are still pretty early on in our relationship, so we haven't really had a need to swap passwords or anything. I know once he asked me to pick a new password for him, but it was only for an MMORPG. Although, I feel like my SO and I don't need each other's PWs and what not unless it was for a favor or something important. For instance, I have a friend who asks me to check her Gaia PMs when she has no internet. So, something like that.
Although we do trust each other plenty to not want or need to snoop through each other's stuff, I still would be curious to see his messages. I love watching my SO text his best friend because they have such a cute bond. Makes me smile!
I'd be curious to see any of my friend's conversations too. Some times I just like to see how they talk differently to one another and what they talk about. I saw letters between one of my guy friend's his girlfriend (With permission of course)...They were the cutest, deepest notes I ever did read! Full of poetry and love and cuteness!
Overall though, I feel things should only be snooped through with permission (although I guess technically it's not snooping after that), otherwise, just use their info for what you were told to use it for!

[DemonxOisin]

Just my own personal opinion, but I find it creepy and stalkerish to have your SOīs passwords :/ I trust Miguel to tell me if thereīs something going on, as does he trust me. My friend made the mistake of giving one of her exīs her passwords while they were dating, so that he would "trust her more." He ended up seeing emails she had sent years ago to a previous ex, ignoring the date on them, and accusing her of cheating. King of put a bad taste in my mouth for the whole sharing of passwords thing :/ Also, Miguel and I are okay with telling each other if we have weird confusing feelings for another person, so it kind of defeats the purpose of snooping... :P

[Yaaamiii]

I don't have any of his passwords and I don't need them. Sometimes he leaves his email or facebook open on my computer, and I just close them and log on mine. Sometimes I do scroll through thinking it's mine, then think "who the hell are all these people?", realize it's his and log off.

Ja! Same! I've done that on my SO's facebook account. I get confused because I never heard of some of the people, and then I realize I'm on his account. A common mistake xD.

My SO and I do share passwords. I know his passwords for just about everything and he knows mine. I don't really care, and he does either. We don't purposely go into each others accounts to snoop though, we just trust each other.

But in the past, it has proved to be useful. xD For example, he once sent me a heart shaped compass that had the phrase "My heart will guide you home" engraved on the back. Since we share an Amazon account under my user information, I got an email sent to me saying that my item had shipped (the compass that he ordered). I didn't really get the message, technically. I would have, had he not signed into my email and deleted the message because he wanted it to be a surprise. xD And it was. Those kinds of exceptions are the only times we really log into each other's accounts.

I totally understand the curiosity, though! Sometimes I do get curious, not because I think he's hiding something, more because I have that ability to log into his stuff. I wouldn't do it, and I know I'd let my curiosity die, but I'm just naturally a curious person and really can't help it sometimes. xD I don't act on that curiousity though, for privacy/trust's sake.

[KimmyFay]

My SO and I dont have eachothers passwords. Almost everytime we see eachother though my boyfriend likes to play around with me and takes my cell phone and acts like he's not going to give it back to me becase I have a touch phone and he wants it. lol When he does this he always offers to give me his phone but neither one of us goes through the others phones. He doesnt have his own computer so when we move in together we will be sharing mine so he will know my password to get on the computer or i will put one of his fingers into the scanner so he can get onto the computer. I do have both of my parents passwords, one of my uncles passwords, my older brothers password, and my future sister in laws password all for facebook, and my dads hotmail password, but i dont go snooping around on any of them i mostly just have them for emergencies. I also know my and moms voicemail passwords in case i ever have to access them.

[Tanja]

I gave my SO the password to login with my user on my laptop and on our PC but he's never given his to me even though I've asked for it. Don't know why. I'm not really bothered either, I could get into all of his files if I wanted to but I'm not interested.

I would never ever give anyone my email or fb passwords, I think it's stupid. I have private conversations with my friends on there, I wouldn't want anyone logging in and seeing them, it would feel like I've betrayed their trust or told someone their private business. That's just wrong.

I think justifying the open passwords with "I have nothing to hide" makes it sound like if someone doesn't give out their passwords to their partners it automatically means they're hiding something or cheating on their SO's. Come on.

[DemonxOisin]

I think justifying the open passwords with "I have nothing to hide" makes it sound like if someone doesn't give out their passwords to their partners it automatically means they're hiding something or cheating on their SO's. Come on.

This. I feel like itīs a big red flag if someone tries to convince you that sharing passwords is normal. If you want to give your SO your passwords, than by all means go ahead. But that doesnīt mean it should be expected.

[leonsfangirl]

My SO and I know each other Facebook log in details and we only use them when the other asks us to (He recently asked to log into his to delete and block my so called father as he couldnt do it via his phone) which i did and logged straight back out. I've asked him to check games and stuff on mine and what not too. He also had my PS3 account details so i could share some games with him.
I have no reason to doubt him for anything so dont nose through his stuff and he's the same with me. We trusd each other and respect each others privacy.
Would i be upset if he didnt give me his passwords? no, would i doubt him? no.
It's the same with emails, calls and texts, If he wants to tell me he will and if doesnt its ok too.

[love.giggles.n.cupcakes]

I have nothing to hide when it comes to email, facebook, etc -- so if he wants to know, wants the information, etc, all he has to do is ask, but he doesn't have to, because he trusts me, and he knows I'm honest and tell him everything, even though maybe some things are better kept unsaid, but we've always said No Secrets, and if I've got something on my mind and I'm on the edge of telling him because I'm afraid it'll make him uncomfortable in some way or not sure how he'll take it or if he'll get upset about it... he'll get it out of me and we talk about it without feeling like either of us is on the defense.

I had an ex that would talk to my messenger friends... I didn't mind it so much except that he wouldn't tell them that it WASN'T me, and that's what annoyed me most.

In the future, I can see my boyfriend and I sharing usernames and passwords and not giving a care if we have it or not or even having a need to snoop because we're both just totally open, honest with each other and have no secrets.

Communication really is the best policy! I really see no reason to hide anything if you trust each other 100%... don't give any one a reason not to trust you... things should be an open book unless it's government/secret service related and a security level is needed.

[sarahrosestevey]

My boyfriend and I have each others passwords - he gave me his to forward to his mother the flight details once while he was out of internet range, and then I gave him mine for some reason, and after that we've just know each others log ons and whatnot. We don't talk about it, I might pop on to his Facebook every now and then and he says he does the same to me. It's just not too big of a deal, though I understand some might find it strange!

[Rugger]

I'm not going to lie, I've snooped before if he leaves his FB open. I try to resist the temptation, but I can't help it. I've only done it once. My ex tried to hide everything because he was cheating. I can tell my SO's not because he gives me his passwords if I ask.

[MadMolly]

I know his password just because he told me for some reason, I think because it was a funny word. I've never even considered going onto his FB, that would be unthinkable to me, and I would feel very betrayed if he went onto mine to read anything without my permission. That's probably a deal breaker.