Curiosity Killed the Cat?

[Haley53]

I'm realising that my SO has had an account on my computer, where he's likely still logged into Facebook and his other forum from, on my laptop that's not password protected that's been there since March, and yet I haven't been tempted once. He also recently gave me his Skype information so that I could log on and use his Skype credit to call his phone (his brother's iPad, which he used to Skype from bed, is currently lost) and I literally have only used it for that purpose.

I have a close friend, however, who would use any opportunity she had to look through her girlfriend's phone, e-mail, etc. She and her girlfriend swap information pretty freely (or at least the girlfriend does) and she reads over her girlfriend's shoulder as she's composing an e-mail, when they're together, and her girlfriend does the same. I don't believe they have the log-ins to each other's Facebooks, but I do remember that causing problems between an old friend of mine and his girlfriend, who had his information to, well, everything.

I can't remember if I made a thread about this here (I looked but didn't find anything) or on the other forum I'm on, but where do you fall on the curiosity scale? Both my boyfriend and I value complete and utter privacy, we don't read things over the other's shoulder unless explicit permission is given and when we share passwords, we use it for the purpose it was shared, but I know that people like my girl friend, for instance, are pretty easily overwhelmed by curiosity and are open as a result; it does not frequently cause problems like it did for my old friend, whose girlfriend used it to snoop. So where do you fall? Are you private, more open? Has it ever caused problems in your relationship? Feel free to share your opinions on it, but I don't want this thread to be so much about debate/what's right or wrong as I am simply curious to see where people fall on the curiosity scale or if there's ever been issues as a result.

[Nikki9]

Well I think at the moment I fall towards your end of the curiosity scale. I've never read over my guys shoulder, we don't have each others passwords to anything and I don't think we would share that kind of info unless completely necessary.

In a previous relationship however I suspected that my boyfriend at the time (who I was living with) was up to no good chatting with girls on facebook etc in a way he shouldn't have been. We used his computer at the house & a lot of his things were automatic log in. Eventually the curiosity got the better of me & I did some snooping. What I found was even worse than I had imagined to the point where he had been trying to figure out ways to meet up with a girl he met online that lived in a different country. I was devastated but was better off for knowing exactly what was going on. He did not react well when he found out what I knew though & it took a long time before we were on speaking terms again.

[Shepard-Fowkes]

I trust him to tell me everything important and to not be hiding anything. If I'm curious about something he's doing or someone he's talking to or what his email is about, I just ask him :P. I trust him very much, especially as far as fidelity goes, so if I ask him about stuff it's just being curious about his life, not being accusatory. It's important for him to be the gatekeeper of his own information. He gets to decide what he does and doesn't tell me. And honestly, most of the time he's not doing anything too interesting anyway XD.

I also know pretty much all of his passwords but I don't snoop. It just feels impolite.

[Sora1101]

If my SO gave me passwords to his email or facebook it means he doesn't mind sharing whatever information I could find there with me so I wouldn't have any problems looking though things if I got curious which I admit happens fairly often, but I would NEVER read anything without his permission like texts, or reading over his shoulder. To me that's a definite invasion of privacy and it's not something I'd do.

I gave my facebook password to my SO once but I'm not sure if he ever used it, I have nothing to hide from him so I don't mind if he reads through anything. More times than not I tell him about conversations I have with my friends anyway because he knows them pretty well so it's just like swapping stories.

[Rook]

My SO doesn't seem to be very private with her logins and passwords for most things. She's had me sign into things to try and figure stuff out for her or to fix something that we can't figure out over skype with a shared screen. Mostly because the way that I work out problems would give most people a headache trying to follow along. We're both pretty open about everything so it's not like we have anything to hide from each other. I have her email password but haven't been tempted to have a look, she forwards me the emails that I would want to read anyways. For example, when she sent her aunt an email about me, she sent me a copy and I got to see her version of "our story".

On the other hand there is me, I don't like giving out my passwords. It's not that I have things to hide, it's that after years of working in places where you could get fired if someone else used your user name and password, I have a hard time giving out my information. It's not like she'd be able to read much, my email is mostly used for talking with her or checking on my weekend plans and sending her aunt a hello email. Which I got major points for as her ex husband never spoke a word to her aunt. My only contact on skype is her so it's not like she could find anything interesting to read.

Do I think you should have a look see? No. If he finds out and takes it badly, is the possible fight or anger worth it?

[Haley53]

Do I think you should have a look see? No. If he finds out and takes it badly, is the possible fight or anger worth it?

Oh, Rook, I'm not tempted at all. XD I really don't have an issue with not looking through my partner's information. We have nothing to hide but we also share what we want with each other. For example, I don't share anything I would loathe him reading on LFAD, but he's aware this is my site, my "place," and that I'll end up telling him what's important in the end. I feel the same thing about his forum, his Facebook, etc. They're his space, his place, as mine are my space and place, and we don't feel the need at all to look through each other's accounts. I literally only was thinking about this because when he gave me his Skype information, I logged in, called his phone, we spoke until his credit was almost up, we said goodbye, and then I logged out, and it only occurred to me further on that there are others who wouldn't have minded taking a peek out of sheer curiosity. Like I said, I value privacy and it's been a value instilled in me since childhood (diaries/journals, for example, my mother found lying out would be closed and put in a cupboard until we could retrieve them or put back in our rooms, without her having a look through them), and I guess to me, looking through anything of my boyfriend's would be a violation, but I've genuinely never felt the need to or been curious about going through his accounts, hence my question. I was curious to see where people fell on the curiosity scale, not to ask for opinions of whether or not I should look through his account.

[Rook]

I guess I shouldn't post on this little sleep, I read very well with half open eyes. A very good signal that I need to sleep.

[Haley53]

Haha, no problem! I do it also and generally reap the same result.

[kteire]

My SO and I don't know each others' passwords, but we both look over each other's shoulders when we're typing emails, sending texts, checking facebook, etc. It's not really because either of us worried about what the other's doing, but because we talk about everything and don't really have anything that we keep private from one another! We have had a few trust issues in the past, which were generally me being not trusting enough when he wanted to keep something private. It always turned out that the things he wanted to keep to himself were family things that he hadn't shared with anyone before me, and I felt like a jerk! Now I trust that if there's anything that he wants to keep private, it's not because he's hiding something from me.

I'd hate to know his passwords to anything, haha. I know that he's not doing anything since we've been together that I wouldn't like, but I would be far too tempted to look at this facebook group he's in. It's him and all of his/my male friends in Cork, and they post things like pictures of them (and probably previously my SO) making out with randomers, doing dodgy things, etc. He said there's only maybe 3 or 4 pictures of him on there, and two are with me before we were dating, so I want to see them!! Maybe not so much the ones with other girls, haha.

[Tooki]

I have her details, but I very rarely go on. Most of it is in Estonian anyway, and google translate doesn't help me much.

She also has my details. She goes on it a bit. I've been bad in the past but I've been good as of late. It's not a problem for us, because I have the reality of knowing that she will be snooping in my affairs for the rest of my life.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

My SO has my Facebook password and has had free usage of my laptop and desktop when he visited me and laptop when I visited him. He's played around with my phone and could, if he so chose, go through all of my messages. I just don't care. I have nothing to hide and well, he can't be bothered looking.

[TwoThree]

I have her details, but I very rarely go on. Most of it is in Estonian anyway, and google translate doesn't help me much.

Hah! Same with my SO and me. Most of his communication is done in Finnish, and most of mine is done in French, and neither of us understands the other language. He might look over my shoulder when I'm emailing my sisters or something, and would ask "what does this or that mean", at times, and it's mostly out of boredom.

To answer the topic, he has most of my passwords (except for one forum where I am a moderator, and I'd feel pretty shitty giving him that kind of access to sensitive info), but it's because I sometimes have limited access to the internet and would ask him to do this or that for me. He uses my facebook account rather often when people link him to stuff he couldn't see unless he was logged in (he never had a fb account, and probably never will) but I know he doesn't snoop. It's just not in his nature. And even if he did, I wouldn't mind because there is nothing in there that I wouldn't talk to him about.

I don't have his passwords myself. Or rather I do for some websites but it would never cross my mind to just check his accounts because why would I? I can ask him anything and know I would get a truthful answer. But if I ever want to do it one day, I'm sure he wouldn't be offended.

[lademoiselle]

We don't know each other's online passwords or anything like that; I'd be more open to telling him mine though than vice versa Not that he has anything to hide, I'm sure, he simply doesn't feel comfortable with the thought of anyone else having access to his personal accounts. At the same time though the cheeky thing can never resist peering over my shoulder when I text - he goes through my phone too sometimes (when I'm around to wrestle it back!) I don't mind though. I think how private you are as a person influences how at ease you would be with your partner having your details, so I don't take my SO's attitude as an issue of trust or anything.

[Honeypie]

In the past I've given out all my passwords & even handed over my phone for a night .... I've also had all passwords .... I have snooped alittle & I know he did too but I've got nothing to hide & neither did he.

I mostly looked cause I know this other woman was sending him messages & he always showed them to me but I checked when he was away to see if she had sent anything new.

[ashleecarol]

We are both pretty open. We don't snoop through each other's phones or anything (even if we did, he wouldn't find anything in mine and vise versa..even though we are both against the idea of snooping), but if one of us is typing up something on the internet and we happen to look over their shoulder to see what they are typing or checking out, neither of us care. I don't like him reading over my shoulder as much because something about that bothers me, even though he could read it if I turned it towards him. Something about someone being behind your back and peering over by your face is just creepy to me. But if either of us wanted to see something, we wouldn't care.
We know each other passwords for practically everything we use. I dunno. We don't mind.