Need advise

[Antoinettesdavis]

I have never met my SO. In the 2 and a half years Ive only seen him through pictures. Everytime I make plans to visit he gets really busy all of a sudden and tells me not to come. When I asked why he does that he says that he rather have me go stay instead of leaving and going back to my life in KY. He said that by me leaving it would devastate him. But I feel like it would help us. Yes the departure is going to be hard but its not like im not going to visit again. How should i go about this? I even said ill come to him since he can't come to me yet. I don't know what to do.

[Haley53]

Have you asked him how he expects the relationship to work out if you never get a chance to meet? Someone's going to have to come and go sometime because frankly, closing the distance (and giving up that much) is a silly idea with someone you've only seen in pictures in many, many cases.

[Antoinettesdavis]

Right and thats what i told him. Ill be giving up alot to move to a city i dont know nothing about and may not even like; all because you wanted me to move straight there.

[Haley53]

What did he say?

[Antoinettesdavis]

He didn't say anything. So im starting to think hes either hiding something or he just rather have a relationship over the phone.

[Haley53]

Hm. :/ Quite honestly, it's sounding to me like he's hiding something. Have you asked him? Or told him that when he doesn't want to meet you and only sends you pictures, it makes you feel like he's hiding something? It's possible he's sent you pictures that aren't... who he really is. I'm assuming you've never webcammed either?

[Sora1101]

To me it sounds like he's definitely hiding something, I mean it seems weird that as soon as you plan to visit he tells you not to come, that's a major red flag. It would be different if he had an actual reason for you not to visit but it just sounds like crap to me, when you really want to be with someone you go to extraordinary lengths to make it happen and he's not doing that, he's going to lengths to make sure you stay where you are.

Honestly if you ever do get to meet with him which sadly I highly doubt will happen you need to make sure it's in a public place with a friend or something, something in my gut is telling me this guy is either married or a total creeper.

[Captivated]

After having seen tonight's episode of 20/20 on cheaters, I'm biased in thinking he's totally hiding a wife and kids.

You need to keep pushing the issue with him. Tell him you need to meet up to keep the relationship going...that you'll surprise him one day. If he freaks out at that, you know for a fact he's hiding something.

[Belle]

Have you spent any time on webcam with him? It may just be that he's embarrassed/nervous about meeting in person or what may come of it. But what was mentioned before it true, when you love someone, you go through extraordinary measures to be with them as much and as soon as you can. If he won't even video chat with you then he may really be hiding something. Id be very cautious in continuing the relationship.

[rixue]

It does sound like he is hiding something :/ Especially if he does not want to make plans to see you after going out for over 2 years, that is a huge red flag. same Like Captivated said, keep pushing the issue with him.

[Antoinettesdavis]

Thanks guys for the advise. we have.video chatted. right now since i quit my job i have no money to make the trip. Hes on probation so he cant leave state. After i calmed down i got to thinking about it and i forgot my excuses/reasons.

[redapple]

I still suggest you push a meeting in person, My relationship started CD so I may be wrong but after two years I'd feel like it was time to confirm if you had a definite spark in person as opposed to just on the phone. I'm not saying you won't but don't you want to make sure?

Also I'll admit I got some red flags from the original post too....

[Katrina]

You know, men can be strange creatures. They sometimes worry about things they really needn't. I think, if he has been loving with you and consistent in what he tells you and shares with you and has generally kept his word (no strange disappearances or emergency exits). If you know, as you would expect to at over two years in, lots of "checkable" details (his name, his address, family "stuff",his best friends facebook, his probation officer's name whatever)then maybe rather than hiding something, he is worried about how you will react to something. Maybe his apartment is ughh or he lives in a terrible area. Maybe he never got around to telling you he wears contacts or has false teeth. I think you have to spend time together before anyone makes a permanent move but I don't think you should automatically assume the worse when he puts it off. I would set up another video chat and explain face to face how important it is to you that you plan for time together.