Finances and all that

[Kiyama]

So I've been thinking about the whole money thing. First I should probably say the way I grew up was that you don't speak about money. I never exactly knew the amount of money my dad was earning so I'm naturally shy to talk about it. I know how much my SO earns but I know he has savings and I never really asked about how much as it doesn't seem appropriate. But then again we are talking about living together in maybe a years time if everything goes well so shouldn't I know eventually?
It might sound silly but I've never been in the position I'm in now. My ex boyfriends were students at uni like me at that time so it was never an issue as we were all constantly broke
Or should I just wait and whether it will come up naturally at some point in the future?
Are you private about your finances or are you all open about it?

[Haley53]

I'm open about it when I need to be, as in I discuss my financing with him before trips or I gave him my loose plans in regards to my earning potential to save up enough to be ready for my application for my working holiday visa. I don't typically discuss it with him though, unless it needs to be discussed, which even when I'm working there, it will, as we'll be sharing rent, utilities, food, etc. and it will generally effect the flow of his own money in the event he's still in school/receiving benefits. I suppose it comes up when it needs to come up but it's never been something we've sat down and had a proper conversation about. That might change once we're living together, but so long as you're both willing to be open about it when the need arises, I'm not sure it's of dire importance to sit down and have a discussion over. I think it's important to be open about finances, but at the same time, I don't think it's important to be unnecessarily open, if that makes sense. So... I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of public and private?

[Snowlilly]

Hmmm, well, for us it came up in a conversation due to the traveling to see each other. We know how much the other makes, but I have never asked about how much he has in his savings. I would not feel right asking that. I feel since we are not married, it is none of my business. We are dating so there is no need for us to know that kind of information. I feel what he does with his money is his business and I would not like it if I had to explain my finances to him either. Now, we have discussed in generalities like debts, how we would handle big purchases etc to see if we are like minded with that. So I guess we are more private about it, plus I am used to having separate accounts even during my marriage.

[Shanondorf]

We've been pretty open as of late, because I just got a job and we're talking about closing the distance now. We both have money spending issues so we're trying to pull ourselves together and stop spending on silly things that we don't need right now in favor of moving in together sooner. x3 But we never really used to talk about it unless it was about time for a visit.

[dukes2011]

I'm probably somewhere in the middle. I know how much my SO's contract is and he knows about how much I will make once I graduate, get licensed, and find a job. We started talking about it since we're starting to seriously talk about where we'll close the distance. He's a spender and I'm a saver so that also started the conversation.

[LeilaniJoi]

We are not married by long shot but share finances and are on each others bank accounts. We have always been very open right. from the time we moved in together. For me, in a serious relationship if you are working together as a team then there is no reason to keep financial secrets. But maybe that's just me.

[lucybelle]

We live together and are very open about our finances. In fact, my paycheck is deposited into his account because I never felt like jumping through the hoops to open one here. So he knows when I get paid, how much, etc. With that being said, I just found out about a week ago how much my SO makes! I for some reason assumed it was more, but it is way less than I thought.

So for me, I don't care who knows how much I make (though I wouldn't tell coworkers). But for some people it is very private. So maybe you could say it like this: "so I'm thinking about when we close the distance.. how much money are you planning on making every month?" That way he can be sly and say something like "the same as now" if he doesn't want to talk about it, or just say the exact amount if he's okay with it.

[princessmeg1328]

My fiance and I are very open about our finances. It took us a while to get to that point though. He knows how much I make, and I know how much he makes. We even keep each other updated on the amount in our bank accounts. The main reason we know those amounts, though, is because I'll be applying for my spouse visa within the next few months. The UK doesn't care about how much I make, and I wanted to be sure that we would qualify for the visa in some way. It all depends on where you're at in your relationship. If you feel comfortable sharing your financial information with him, then he'll be more likely to share his with you.

[sewbama]

At first, my SO was pretty tight-lipped about his money situation, but I was COMPLETELY broke. Like didn't have money for food a couple times. I'd just gotten out of an interesting situation that led to me being really broke. And I had to be pretty open about that with him. He lived an hour away and invited me to come, but I didn't have money for gas. So he's pretty much always known my financial situation.

In two previous relationships, my boyfriends never talked about money, and we spent a lot of time going on dates (nothing expensive, but still spending money) and they both ended up completely broke and blamed me for spending all their money. So while my SO knew I was broke, I made a point of telling him to not spend money he didn't have on me. He always told me he'd tell me if he was having money trouble. But because of those previous experiences, I learned to be open about it.

But just before we moved in together we moved in together, he got really open about money. I did most of the apartment hunting, so he had to tell me about what he wanted to spend, etc. And once we were living together, it was just an ongoing conversation. There were some bumps and misunderstandings, but overall, talking about it has made things easier. Even now that I'm moving out to go to school elsewhere, we still talk about it. It's important in a serious relationship to have an understanding of your situation.

With all that said, in your situation, there's no need to bring it up. It will come up naturally. When it does, don't avoid it. It's not scary, it's not insulting. You have to know his situation because it is YOUR situation. So just be ready to talk about it. When it's time, you'll know it. When you're moving in together, you'll have the conversation about splitting bills, etc. It'll be easy when it happens because it's about you and your relationship. Just make sure you do talk about it.