why it is much harder to bear distance after being together in person.

[jhoy0320]

after being with my SO for the first time it is much harder to focus and not missing him everyday i didnt realized that it could be much harder bearing with distance and feeling so much sad that he's not with me again.im missing him everyday that it is makes me feel so down and sad not seeing him in a day.well we always talk almost everyday but nothing beats than being really with him in person and doing stuff together.
i know you guys did experience it as well after the post first visit.i just wanna know how you did cope up with it??i would appreciate your comments and advices.thanks

[temporaryuser]

stay busy. Occupying your time with hobbies, work, school. Go oyut with friends and family. Sitting alone only gives you time to dwell on the absence.

[Kiyama]

I experience this every time we part :/
I try to be busy and just put as much in the first week as possible and that usually helps and slowly things go back to normal. It's usually worse for me when he's the one leaving. The other way round is better I think.
So spend a lot of time with your family and friends. Have a good time and you'll see, things will look brighter again soon

[Captivated]

It's hard. For me, I have a hectic work schedule. But that only kept me busy during the day. In the evenings it was terribly hard - and weekends as well. You can only do so much to stay busy.

The only thing that got me through, was time. That and just talking to him everyday. The post-visit blues are always difficult but really, only time will help. ::hugs::

[HeartInTexas]

I totally agree with you! Three weeks later after my visit to see my SO and I am still missing him. Thankfully not as badly as the first week I came back home though.
It's like, you go there and you find out what you've been missing out on all of this time. Then you come back home and it just sucks that you have to wait all over again!
Personally, during the first week or so when I got home, I kept constantly trying to hang around other people. That was literally the only thing that could distract me while time passed.
I wish you and your SO the best!

[Haley53]

I feel like it's so hard because before you spend time together in person, there's nothing to miss. Your relationship is 100% talking to one another online, over the phone, Skyping, etc. and so when you miss each other, it's for a night when one of you goes to bed or a day while the other goes to work. After you've spent time together in person, you realise what it's like to actually physically be with that person. You learn what their cuddles feel like, their kisses, you learn the way their hands feel in yours. You learn what it feels like to be a physical couple and then it's ripped away from you. All of a sudden, you have two different dynamics, one preferable over the other (of course being the one you can't have all the time), that you're alternating between and it can be difficult simply based on the way that humans are about companionship. :/

I'm with Captivated, though. Things like Skyping frequently help me after visits, because it's an easier transition when I can hear his voice as opposed to going straight from a visit to talking online, and somewhat keeping busy, as well. Most of our visits have ended in time for me to start work or school. It also helps to keep distracted with family, but that may be because my mother and I are not only close, but she, too, was in a LDR in college and so is well aware of the shitty feelings that come with goodbyes. But it's mostly time that helps me start feeling better and get used to online/the phone being our only mode of contact with one another until the visit.

[Trepis]

I have put alot of thought into this situation, my SO and I will be closing the distance for the first time this fall. We will only have 4 short days to do all the physical things that we have been waiting for. I think what Eclaire expressed is exactly what I worry about. Once I know what its really like to kiss her and hug her and hold hands, I am going to miss it so much once we part. Right now, all I have is the fantasy of doing all those things, so that all I know, Im sure it will pale in comparision to the real thing. We have already discussed how we will likely use skype more for video chatting after our trip, at least that way we can see each other. I intend to have a busy week when I first return home to help with the separation. It might help that we are meeting in a remote location, not her place or mine for our first meet. So it wont be a case of either of us leaving the other, we will both be returning home.
-Trepis

[Sora1101]

I think it's harder because before you meet in person you really have nothing to miss, your whole relationship was online, but once you meet you become accustomed to hugs and kisses and hearing their voice so when you leave you feel alone because it's gone. The best thing to do is to skype and call each other as often as possible, it makes it easier seeing their face and hearing their voice almost like they were there.

In time you'll adjust to how it was before and it'll go back to normal but until then try to keep yourself as busy as possible, surround yourself with people be it family or friends and keep your mind off of your loneliness. I know the first time I visited my SO I made the mistake of cutting myself off from everyone when I got back and I spent days crying but the second time around I made sure I had my friends with me and it made things a lot easier and it kept me from crying until bed time.

[jhoy0320]

Thank you guys for the really helpful advices.i really appreciate them all it.il surely follow ur advices.keep it comIng.thanks

[Katelyn313]

I'm with Eclaire... it's so much harder because now you know. Before, it was all imagined and now you actually know what it feels like physically. Humans (and animals) crave touch. It's been studied. There's no getting around it. That has to be the hardest thing about the distance for me personally.

Dylan and I see each other every two weeks usually. And while I know that's loads more than everyone else on here, it's still hard for us during the in between time. Night time is the hardest so for me, I have a teddy bear from Build-A-Bear that I dressed to look like Dylan and gave it his middle name. Every time we visit, the very last thing we do before we leave is spray the bear with Dylan's cologne. Because smell is so closely tied to memory, it really helps me when we're apart. Also, I have an absurdly large teddy bear Dylan got me for Valentine's Day that I turn on it's side and snuggle it up behind me. Before the bear, I used a pillow and blankets. Just something to keep me feeling secure during the time that's hardest for me.

Other than that, we Skype and talk and call and text as much as we can. Also, we're hoping to start something new and go to the gym 'together'. I'll go during the day, since I work at night and he'll go at night since he works during the day. But that way we can each encourage and motivate the other. It'll definitely motivate me because I know he'll tease me if I don't go! And I always say, when we're together, I'm assured this is for real and I'm so in love with him and when we're apart assures me just as much.

Hang in there, come on here and vent and talk to us We know what you're going through like nobody else. This is the first place I come when he leaves...

Good Luck!!

[Jgui]

Keep yourself busy. I have work and school so that takes up huge portion of my attention. Skype a d text as muh as possible to keep the relationship close.

[jhoy0320]

Thanks for the advixlce.you guys definitely help me a lot coz u know exactly what im going through.everytime i visit this forum its always keeps me going.

[Dezface]

Exactly what everyone else here said-you don't know what you're missing until you actually have it. My SO left a little under a month ago and it's been much harder than expected. I just keep thinking back to how it was when he was here and how everything pales in comparison now.

I'm a pretty busy person. I work full time, run my own mini side business, and seem to have countless other obligations. It helps a little but that pain and longing is still there. The only thing that has really helped is pin pointing the next time we will see each other. I know for some that isn't an option, but for us, that's what keeps us going. Now that my plane ticket is booked and I know exactly how long until I'll be with him again, I think it will be much easier to cope.

[faith_patience_believe]

He visited me for the first time 2 weeks ago after a whole year of communicating. Let me tell you, it was the most amazing experience of my life. Things went SUPER well. When he left, I felt like death. I felt absolutely awful. The first day, I almost couldn't stop crying. It may sound pathetic to some people, but I was in so much emotional pain. And to make things worse, I don't get to see him again for 6 months. I would say after the 3rd day, things got slightly better, and now, 2 weeks into it, I feel somewhat normal again, but still very sad and frustrated. My advice is to just keep pushing through. Allow time to be sad and reflect on the memories, but you have to get out of bed and keep being part of your own life. Just remember, the pain it doesnt last forever. I knew that I would eventually feel better, so I just kept pushing forward and trying to spend time with friends to get my mind off of him. I also remind myself that I have such a wonderful guy as my boyfriend. I could have no one. But I'd much rather have SOMEONE so great even if he can't physically be with me at this point. I choose to look at the positives of my situation.
Good luck and I hope things turn out well for you!

[notyourexgirlfriend]

Before his first visit there was a lot of uncertainty. Would we have chemistry? Would we be compatible? There's a certain comfort in having an online relationship. You can't really miss the physical if it isn't there. After the first visit we knew that we wanted to be together. Parting was such sweet sorrow and I grieved for days afterwards. The second visit wasn't quite as hard but that longing and emptiness of not having him near me still gets me from time to time. It's perfectly normal to feel that way, it's just about not letting it completely consume you. I try and keep busy as well as fall back into our usual online schedule as soon as possible after the visit.