:P What do you do to keep the spark alive?

[Yaaamiii]

I may be asking a really dumb question, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask anyway.

Everyone falls into the comfortable stage eventually. So the question is, what do you do to keep the spark alive? There are general things you can do from a distance, like calling each other, texting, skyping, simply communicating. There's also that list of things to do from a distance that help many others keep their spark aflame.

How about when you're together in person? I mean besides sex (if you've gotten to that stage), what do you do to keep the spark alive and stay connected? Do you have a date night? Cook together? I guess what I'm asking is, what activities do you do together to keep your relationship fun and interesting :P?


Gah! I hope this doesn't sound like a dumb thing to ask! xD I'm sorry!

[Haley53]

I feel like the first step to understanding how to "revive" the spark is, in a sense, to get out of the mindset that the comfortable stage = boring.

The way I see it is the foundation of any good relationship is friendship. I compare it to having a best friend, really. When you meet that BFF for the very first time, you end up clicking to a point every conversation starts out as exciting; you don't know one another well yet, yet you click as though you've known each other forever! After that eventually settles down and you get to know one another better, you stop needing to always be doing something. You stop needing to meet up at a movie or hang out at the mall or go to the beach, and you're fine simply hanging out at home talking, cooking, or watching a movie on the couch with badly made pizza. That's what a partner, in my opinion, should also be.

If you aren't at that point with your partner, then perhaps you could consider looking into some exercises to help strengthen a couple's friendship (I have some I could type up to you in a PM if you wanted)? You could consider playing a game of questions or testing each other on your knowledge of one another, and get creative with it! Incorporating personal questions into games like Twister, for example, or Truth or Dare could be a fun way of keeping things interesting and somewhat spicy as well; if you wanted to play sexy with them, you could even play a game of strip twister -> every time your partner answers a question you come up with correctly, you have to remove an article of clothing of their choosing. Sometimes couples need to get back in touch with one another, rekindle the very fundamental basis of their friendship, either through a playful game or even a serious conversation.

As for what I personally do? Well my partner and I describe ourselves as best friends almost before lovers. May seem strange to some people, but it works for us. Due to what we went through together, we were pretty much hurled from the honeymoon stage, but the comfortable stage is equally as nice for us, primarily because we have that foundation that allows us to be able to spend an entire day in and not get bored. Of course, there are certain things we like to do together, like making meals or playing games (he likes to teach newbie me how to play games beyond my making them up/playing them my own way) or simply going out for a walk and talking with one another. Sometimes we talk about things one of us doesn't get but listens to because it's important to the other and tries to make an effort to understand and maintain interest, and sometimes we get into deeper discussions or heated debates about something we both have opinions on. In the moments where that fails us, we simply curl up together and watch TV, or I go read and he hops on the computer or plays music.

There seems to be this idea that relationships need to be about gogogoing all the time or they need to be all excitement all the time or they need to be about rekindling the spark, when I think so many people neglect to see the beauty in the comfortable moments, the moments of silences, the moments of doing your own thing while in the others' proximity, having your own time while still being bathed in the warm security that your partner isn't going anywhere. I think the quiet moments, the moments of not saying anything or the moments of talking about nothing, the moments where cooking together and doing chores comes as second nature, maybe even feels a bit like a chore, have a beauty in them also. I think the trick isn't necessarily to focus on bringing the spark back, but to see the beauty in bonding over activities that might get overlooked because they aren't necessarily seen as spark-inducing. My personal opinion on it, anyway.

[Zapookie]

We have date night every tuesday. And we try and cook together. I guess we also do grocery shopping together and that's always fun

[jennten]

^I love grocery shopping with my boyfriend. There's something about it that feels very coupley.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

It might sound boring but we do the same things we've always done and that's our routine. We make time for each other daily and communicate frequently. It just works for us.

[Malaga]

It might sound boring but we do the same things we've always done and that's our routine. We make time for each other daily and communicate frequently. It just works for us.

Yeah we're the same. We both find comfort in the routine and don't feel the need to invent ways to keep it interesting. He's always been very generous with small tokens of appreciation plus he's very physically affectionate - he loves holding hands, gentle hugs etc. One thing I do and he loves it is daydream out loud, tell him visions from our future together. Say, a random evening in our house together with our pet hedgehog. That sort of stories. I make them a bit funny and a lot sweet, and he loves it.

[notyourexgirlfriend]

We have our spontaneous gifts thing and he does some really sweet stuff as a surprise from time to time but yeah, comfort in routine is good

[BlueCat]

I find that going for a walk with my SO always helps us connect, even if we've been having a rough time lately, both a bit grumpy and not wanting to communicate. But I find that even a short walk with my SO, we can talk about stuff we see on the walk and it helps to open up the pathways to talk about other things. Plus when we walk together we tend to hold hands or have our arms around each other, so it makes us bring together any physical connection we've been missing.

[TwoThree]

If you aren't at that point with your partner, then perhaps you could consider looking into some exercises to help strengthen a couple's friendship (I have some I could type up to you in a PM if you wanted)?

Well, I would be interested in those, if you don't mind shooting me a PM. Just out of curiosity.

[Dziubka]

We have a date night (or conversation day as we call it) on Wednesdays. We don't always do something special, but we make sure to make time for each other and not be distracted by other things.
We also like to make short trips to interesting places in the area. It's probably one of my favourite activities. We get to spend quality time together just the two of us and make memories.

As for everyday life, I try to always be nice. It sounds like a no brainer but when you life together, sometimes everyday stress/normality takes over and you take living together for granted. So I always try to show how much I love him, how grateful I am that we can spend so much time together etc.
I make him tea or iron his shirts and he brings me a glass water to bed at night or randomly buys me flowers.

[Kiyama]

Yes I'd be interested as well

[Spriteling]

And me!

[Haley53]

Yes I'd be interested as well

And me!

If you two also mean the friendship exercises, I'll type them up when I can to all three of you.

[Katelyn313]

Eclaire.... if it's not too much trouble.... me three? Please and thank you I'm curious

[Haley53]

Maybe I'll make a thread. xD