Feeling Apathetic...

[Maximilia]

Posted once here before, and I appreciated the replies I got. SO still hasn't moved, still hasn't picked a date. He has a lot of stuff he's getting rid of via eBay (and it's made him a fair chunk of change) and other such things going on associated with the move, but it's been six months. >< Over. I've gone through about every shade of emotion you can imagine, positive and negative, and now? I don't care.

It's not like I'm upset. I'm not. I don't care if he moves or not. After so many disappointments and frustrations, apathy has set in.

Logically, I know I love him even if I can't/don't feel it right now. So. Tell me how you guys help to counter any feelings of not-caring/apathy, because I've got no ideas.

[MadMolly]

I am probably in a minority here, but this would be my end-point if I was in a similar situation. If there is no end in sight, I would not bother with a long distance relationship, and laziness (or whatever you want to call it) about ending the distance is just not something I am going to waste my time tolerating. I don't believe in ultimatums (because if you need to give one, the other person should have realised it themselves long beforehand) but this would be a "give me a date and show me you're working hard at it or I'm not investing any more time in this relationship" thing for me.

[Maximilia]

He is working hard. There's a LOT of stuff there. Not like, Hoarders bad, but bad enough. In our daily communication--which in general is from about 4pm when I get up with texts, to about 5 am ending with skype chat while I"m at work (I work nights), our communication is constant, almost--he's loving and kind, and very patient. Other people here are looking at years being apart. I'm looking at 90 days, tops. That much I do know. It's just that apathy is settling in, and I don't want it to, yet I have no way to stave it off and I am looking for suggestions.

[Kiyama]

I just went through your other stuff and I read you basically gave him the deadline Septmember? What happened to that? Have you talked about it properly and how did he respond?

Also, have you considered there might be more behind it than just that he has to sell his stuff? It doesn't have to be committment issues but maybe he's scared to leave his home, his friends and familiy. That is a big step and 1300 miles is a long way for someone to move so I could imagine he's taking his time because of that. I think you need to change your attitude in order to get of this apathy. You have to realise that constantly pushing him won't help but only push him further away. It seems like he really wants to be with you and that he's willing to give up his old life so I would recommend you to be more patient and understanding. If you manage to accept things as they are then I think your apathy will go away and I think you should work on that because if you constantly go into "I don't care" mode, it will put a strain on your relationship eventually.

[Honeypie]

Your "I don't care" ... is it I don't care if he ever moves here? ... is it I don'ty care about him? ... is it I don't care if we stay in a LDR? ... is it I don't care because now I'm alittle scared too?

90 days isn't that long & if he has to leave EVERYTHING behind then he'll need time to get all that taken care of .... be patient

[rixue]

I think you need to change your attitude in order to get of this apathy. You have to realise that constantly pushing him won't help but only push him further away. It seems like he really wants to be with you and that he's willing to give up his old life so I would recommend you to be more patient and understanding. If you manage to accept things as they are then I think your apathy will go away and I think you should work on that because if you constantly go into "I don't care" mode, it will put a strain on your relationship eventually.

^This

And try to look on the bright side; instead of "I don't care anymore." just think "only 90 days left!". He seems to be making progress towards the move which is great! Let him take time to get his ducks in a row before moving, see his friends/family, etc. I know it is hard to be patient especially with being able to close the distance in the near future when you have been waiting. Keep hanging in there!

[Maximilia]

I agree that I need to change my attitude. I know there's a saying in AA of "fake it til you make it", which may apply here. I'm asking if any of you have had this problem, and what you have done to solve it. I do appreciate the reply, and I understand some of you are look at years while I'm looking at months. It just keeps dragging on and on, and it's past the time he said he would be here. Side note, the September "deadline" is because at that point his roommates won't be around, and he'll lose the place he's in at the moment. So it's not something he's chosen, "I will be here at this time" but rather something forced upon him. I'm hoping for sooner, but after having more than a few disappointments, I've learned not to get my hopes up.

Maybe I just needed to vent. I don't know.

[Haley53]

Have you spoken to him about it? You say he's trying to sell some of his things on eBay, is it possible he's waiting until it's all been sold before moving? Could it be possible he's experiencing reservation because of money worries or because he's not sure what to do with things he doesn't want or because he's having issues sorting out logistics, in addition to the general nerves of closing the distance? I would simply be curious as to his reasoning for not moving sooner and for dragging his feet, but I tend to talk to my SO about everything. I suppose I feel that this might be where a closing the distance conversation would/should be had between you and your partner, even if it's to clear the air and get feelings out about how you feel like you both have different expectations (for a closing date: you, sooner, and he, later) and you want to talk with him to find a way to put the fears from that at ease, for example. I don't believe you should have to fake it, but I also believe that you should be able to talk with your SO and work something out that's good for the both of you.