New on here and confused :( :( :(

[texasgal]

My boyfriend and I are right past the one year mark in our relationship... and the whole time it has been long distance. Its starting to get hard and confusing to me. I am the type of girl who loves adventure, doing new things, hanging out, ect. It annoys me when I have nothing going on in my life or if I am jsut doing the same thing over and over. My boyfriend on the other hand is totally opposite. He is perfectly fine with doing the same thing every day, is very calm and laidback. Well here recently I've been getting so annoyed because all I feel like I do is sit. I drive 45 minutes to work, sit a my desk 8 hours straight, then drive back for another 45minutes-1 &1/2 hours and then when I get home I sit some more skyping with my boyfriend. I Haven't had any me time in a while, Haven't been working out, doing the things that I nromally get too. I guess I told my boyfriend that in the wrong way and now he is aking it wrongly and saying he has a totally different view on what a relationship is, ect. I told him that I love hima dn he jsut said, " I really hope so!" .. that really hurt. I don't even know what to respond back as. Obviously words isn't enough and that's what LDR's are. Words and time. Yeah you can do cool deeds for each other and try different things but after a while it is the same thing over and over and someitmes I just need a step back from the normal but it doesn't mean I love him any less or want a break from him personally.

Its just getting to me now. I will always stand by him and will wait for him and he will do the same for me just I need a change of pace from time to timmeeee. Any advice?

[Yaaamiii]

Why don't you just take a different approach of communicating with him? I like adventures as well. I couldn't sit on my butt all day and just stare at a computer screen, I'd need to do something new or different! You're not weird for wanting that, and everyone wants "me" time. It's important to communicate that to your boyfriend. You could always try adjusting the time you two talk to a time when it's convenient for the two of you. For example, when you get home from work, you could talk to him for a little bit, then log off skype and go work out or something, and then call him before going to bed? That's what my SO and I do, anyway.

[Captivated]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I had the exact same feelings early on in our relationship. But I told him straight out that we needed to find a balance in our lives. He never went out and was perfectly comfortable staying online and playing zombies lol I, on the other hand, had my friends and gym time and family gatherings. We had to find a compromise, something that worked for both of us. It ended up being that we messaged each other frequently throughout the day and if I had to do stuff after work, I'd let him know so he wouldn't be waiting up online (though he did anyway lol). But I also had to make time to nurture our relationship...sometimes I'd have to pass up the bar hopping with my friends or a family event that conflicted with plans with my love. But it wasn't really a chore or a pain...pretty soon I wanted to spend time with my guy. And every time I felt I had to do my own thing, I'd tell him. Communication is key.

[Haley53]

How did you phrase it to him originally? I can see where he'd be upset. While you've done nothing wrong and while having me-time is certainly warranted, sometimes it can be hard for someone who's your complete opposite to see why it's important. When he's fine sitting around and using his personal time to chat to you, he's likely spending that time chatting to you because he loves you and wants to spend time with you, be in your presence and simply appreciate your company, so because he has that association attached to it, when you imply you want to spend less time together, because you need space and me-time, it's possible he's experiencing the feeling/idea that maybe there's an imbalance of feeling in the relationship. Of course, this isn't true, but this surfaces time and time again in relationships where there are different styles of communication, expression, or hierarchies of needs. Think of a relationship in which someone writes romantic letters to express their feelings and wants to receive one from their boyfriend, but their boyfriend doesn't want to take the time to write one; sometimes they take this personally, even if the boyfriend's way of expressing his feelings might be in doing little things, like taking time to Skype and watch movies with her when she's sick or sending her surprise presents in the mail. When it comes to something like this, you simply have to alter the way you communicate about it, so that you're both having your needs met without any major sacrifice on one end or the other.

In addition to what Yaaamiii suggested, you could consider setting aside nights. Many people on LFAD set aside date nights, where those nights are specifically dedicated to your SO. Unless something like work or an emergency happens, that night is reserved and friends etc. fall to the wayside during that time. You could consider doing something similar for you, too? For example, I do kickboxing. It's for an hour and a half each night (twice a week) and my SO, of course, misses me during that time, if he happens to be up while I'm gone. But kickboxing is my time. It's my thing, so to speak, and it helps me maintain my moods and therefore, contributes to the well being of the relationship. I go two evenings out of the week, and those two evenings are reserved for me. He can choose to stay up, for example, to Skype, and we can Skype after, but those two nights come with the understanding that we may not get a chance to Skype simply because those are reserved for my thing. Perhaps you could pick one or two nights where you do what Yaaamii mentioned, where you come home, chat to him for half an hour, then have some time doing your own thing? And in addition to that, you could come up with a night where you both have a date night, and take turns choosing the activity.

As far as approaching it, however you decide to organise it, I really think you need to be honest. Let him cool down, but approach him by saying "I really feel like I came across wrong, so let me try and explain again" and then explain what you said here. Tell him it has nothing to do with him, your feelings for him, or your relationship, but that you need time to get out and do something or else you go stir crazy. Tell him sometimes you need time where you can relax, breathe, and wind down from work. Reassure him that you love him and you love speaking with him, but that you feel like you need some good R&R. It can be hard hearing that your partner wants to do something that doesn't involve you. I love my me-time and even I sometimes feel unhappy if my SO wants to go do something on his own for a while. But that's where having the discipline to do it comes in, regardless of your partner's reaction. If he gets cranky, still leave. If he says "bye" and no I love you/talk later, still leave. If he says he's going to bed and doesn't want to talk for the rest of the night, tell him to have a good night. I hate to demean anyone, but Skinner had it right to an extent when he said we were all just rats and pigeons. If you set a night or two where it's your time, and you follow through, and you still have that half hour before and after to talk to your boyfriend (if he chooses to accept it), and you follow through and show him nothing bad will come of it and your relationship won't be effected, then it's likely to become an accepted part of it. But, like setting any boundary, there may be some resistance in the first place; you simply have to remember that this is something you deserve and are doing for you, and he'll come round to the idea if he doesn't initially.

[Sora1101]

Eclaire said everything I wanted to, communication is key here and you also need a couple days to yourself, if not you're going to wind up very unhappy very fast and your relationship is going to suffer because of it. Talk to your SO and tell him that while you love spending time with him you're not the type of person who is content sitting around all day, you miss being able to work out and it's taken a toll on you and you know that it's unfair to him. So pick a day and go to the gym and enjoy yourself, your SO will be there when you get back.